I'd love some advice.

I also know alot of you guys are married so you can probably help me here. Before you read this, know that I am 23, and my Girlfriend is 18.

I'm the jealous type. Like, tonight, my Girlfriend went to watch a movie with 2 guys from work at one of their apartments. I'm naturally paranoid, so automatically I assume she is going to cheat on me.

I know thinking that her going to some guy's apartment with another guy and her cheating on me isn't THAT far fetched, but every time I think logically about it I can shake it off.

The thing is, sometimes I CAN'T think logically about it! It drives me insane to think of her hanging out with other guys. Why can't I handle that? Sometimes I really think I have some deep emotional problems that are trust related.

Here's an example, though. There is this kid, Sean, at her work. Last week he was telling her that he wants to learn another language(she is Russian) he knew that she took some Japanese, so he asked her to teach him some. She showed him the basic Japanese alphabet, and he balked at it, so he asked her to teach him some Russian, and he'd teach her how to draw in return.

Am I not crazy if I think this guy is interested in her? I expressed this to her and she flipped out. "He's just a nice guy!", etc.

But to me, old fashioned as I am, it just seems like a way to get to know/get closer to someone better. Like, what is a 21 year old American kid possibly going to get out of knowing some Russian? It just seems fairly obvious to me that he has some interest in her(that's where she's at right now, watching a movie at his house with another Boy from work.)

Am I insane? Should I not let it bother me that she's completely alone with 2 boys I don't know watching a movie? I mean, I know I should trust her, but I just cannot handle the thought of losing her.

The thing is, my Girlfriend is VERY pretty, but she is admittedly slightly overweight(always has been, she says) and she has low self confidence about it. Now, for me, it doesn't bother me how big she is, I love her just the way she is, but she doesn't think she is pretty. At all. Which is insane.

I believe she is completely oblivious to other Men interested in her, because of her low self confidence.

Another story. There apparently is this 28 year old guy, Phillip, who comes into her work sometimes. He has a child. My Girlfriend and he have nice conversations whenever he comes in.

Friday, they were talking and in passing she mentioned me. He then said "Oh, then I won't ask you what I was going to ask then, because people get jealous for stupid reasons, etc."

I laughed at this, and asked her why she didn't think he was at all interested in her. She STILL doesn't! She just thinks he is a nice guy, same thing she said about Sean days earlier.

Is she completely blind to the fact that she is interesting, funny, and pretty? And that guys like that? Should I be happy that she is like this, or what? I mean, on one hand, I guess it's nice, because then I kind of feel safer with her, but on the other hand it's really frustrating to feel a certain way about someone and then they tell you how ugly they are.

Back to the start though, I really wish I didn't go through all these random scenarios in my head JUST because she is hanging out with Men. Do men hang out with Women just to be friends? I'm sure some do, but do 18 year old guys? I know from personal experience that most of my friends who were girls, ESPECIALLY if they were pretty, I would always think about them sexually. I kind of blame society for the way I feel. You always hear all these horror stories of infidelity. Infidelity is the one thing in life that I don't know how I would handle. I mean, I LOVE this girl. I know I'm young, and some of you older people will laugh at my youth, but I love her as much as I think I can at this point in my life. Thinking about her marrying another man tears me completely apart.

I would do anything for her, and I have. I want to marry her, have kids with her, live together. I guess how paranoid I am about losing her, coupled with the intense feelings I have towards her, and a fear of losing all of that, just tend to play cruel jokes on my mind. And I really don't think she deserves a Man like me who just can be so emotional at times. Ladies, have you ever encountered a Man like me? What have you done? What did you do to quell his fears, or did you ignore them?

I'm not TOO experienced in relationships, so I always love outside perspective. I know cliches are abound in this post(young love, already thinking about marriage) you're all probably thinking I'm naive and immature.

But I know what I want! I want her. When I wake up in the morning, she's on my mind. When I go to sleep at night, it's her. I even sleep with a scarf she made me, around my neck each night. It sounds puppy dog sure but when we're together everything is just perfect. I'm torn, because I want to tell her things like this but I don't want her to think that I am emotionally instable or that I don't trust her. Because I DO trust her, I think. I just don't trust other guys, and I don't think I'm good enough for her.

Jeez this must be a monstrous post. Can you guys PLEASE read this for me, it would mean a whole lot.

I want you to know I read your post, I can only say you have to trust her until she proves otherwise. Jealousy usually somes from insecurity within yourself, believe me I've been through alot of counseling due to this problem and have also lost the love of my life too.

Don't let this get out of hand and try to figure out where it's coming from. Don't let it eat you up inside or destroy your relationship.

Yeah, I've been reading other forums and I've come to a peace about it.

I can't control her. I can only control our relationship. If I smother her, then she'll want to run off with someone else.

Yeah, I've been reading other forums and I've come to a peace about it.

 

I can't control her. I can only control our relationship. If I smother her, then she'll want to run off with someone else.

Good stuff!

I was the jealous type years ago so I know what you're feeling. You just have to let go and trust that what will be, will be.

Kamepoh - We all learn what we do in our own time. I think its a really cool thing you're doing asking for outside perspective cos you're GOING to come accross someone, like me, who's really old and has been there, done that.

And, as old people who've experienced certain things, we LOVE to give advice or at the very least perspective...

Dude, it is my personal opinion that you are a bit obsessive. Maybe that's your personality else where in life, or maybe its your, as you put it, inexperience. Either way, you have self-esteem issues which beget trust issues.

Don't condemn her for an act she hasn't committed because that will drive her away. And so will neediness, clingy-ness, and overly controlling jealously.

Its OK to be a little insecure. I think that's a human trait. But to let it drive you to the point of obsession... I dunno, seems like that's a recipe for pushing someone away and that's really the opposite of what you want.

Thanks. I know I act obsessive towards her sometimes, and when she comes home tonight we're going to have a big talk about this and hash alot of things out.

I really feel alot better about this, thanks guys. I think it's a good sign though, that I can see that this is me, and not her.

Way to go Kamepoh - I think that means you'll prolly be alright.

Hm, for some reason I have failed to mention that this is an LDR.

Dunno how much that changes things.

Also, I'd really like an opinion on this specifically:

"Here's an example, though. There is this kid, Sean, at her work. Last week he was telling her that he wants to learn another language(she is Russian) he knew that she took some Japanese, so he asked her to teach him some. She showed him the basic Japanese alphabet, and he balked at it, so he asked her to teach him some Russian, and he'd teach her how to draw in return.

Am I not crazy if I think this guy is interested in her? I expressed this to her and she flipped out. "He's just a nice guy!", etc."

Also, I'd really like an opinion on this specifically:

 

"Here's an example, though. There is this kid, Sean, at her work. Last week he was telling her that he wants to learn another language(she is Russian) he knew that she took some Japanese, so he asked her to teach him some. She showed him the basic Japanese alphabet, and he balked at it, so he asked her to teach him some Russian, and he'd teach her how to draw in return.

 

Am I not crazy if I think this guy is interested in her? I expressed this to her and she flipped out. "He's just a nice guy!", etc."

O yea, it's very likely he's interested in her. At one time or another I've wanted to bang all my single women friends. If she's as attractive as you say, why wouldn't he be interested? The thing is, you don't own her, and you can't control of what she does when you're not around so what's the point of getting yourself all worked up about it?

Well - he IS interested in her but girls don't see that stuff the same way guys do.

Girls like attention but they HATE the thought that its only sexual or romantic attention so we CHOOSE to believe that they respect us for what we know, our personalities or some other ridiculous thing we've got ourselves fooled about.

Point is, SHE does think he's just being friendly. Its not HER issue. When he overtly hits on her, she'll get it. Trust her to make the right decision when that happens.

Well it sort of bothered me that she didn't think he was interested in her -- I mean, it seemed very obvious to me but she wouldn't have any of it.

yeh - course. Like I said. She doesn't want to see it that way.

Point is, SHE does think he's just being friendly. Its not HER issue. When he overtly hits on her, she'll get it. Trust her to make the right decision when that happens.

Thank you!! See, the thing is, of course it's going to be weird for me if she's spending alot of time with someone who is interested in her.

Thank you again though, you're helping alot.

I wonder if I should tell her that other people agree he's interested in her...

nah.... she'll learn. We all do. Guys can be pretty one-tracked sometimes. We all learn that. Give her the opportunity to learn for herself too. It'll make her a stronger person.

Ok, but how do I handle it if she keeps hanging out with this boy?

I mean, because tonight she called -- basically asking if she can go to his house and watch a movie.(what does it mean if she asks my permission, is that bad or good?)

And obviously I got a little upset, because I wanted to talk to her. I mean that like immediate impact of it I don't know how to handle.

Oh, and triple post time, why in the hell does she not answer my texts back in a timely manner? She texted me 10 minutes ago. I replied RIGHT back, but no response.

I mean it's stupid things like this that drive me crazy! haha

if you're unsure, blow it off like its no big deal - to give yourself more time to sort it out in your own mind.

She's not really asking permission so much as trying to tell you in a passive way what she really wants to do. She's putting it on YOU cos if you say no, you're a jerk but if you say yes, she can go guilt free.

You have little choice but to let her do what she's going to do but you have to let her know what feels lie disrespect to you.

I'll ask her tonight what asking my permission TRULY means to her.