No Contact Support Group

Many of us are doing NC on this board. Have read SuperDave71's motivational threads on NC. Some even signed up for his 30 days NC challenge to heal and feel better about ourselves.

But the thing is...it is hard to stay in NC especially if it's your first time around! So I thought I'd create a post so those currently doing NC, and those who had lived through NC, can support and motivate each other - not to break NC that is...

Today is day 20 for me. It's really tough going though. I miss her so much and I can't help but wonder if she misses me.

It feels like I never meant anything to her. And this weekend was supposed to be our anniversary but she dumped me before we had a chance to celebrate.

Question just popped in my head that relates to this.

What's recommended when sending out Christmas cards to an ex girlfriend's parents? Her and I just broke up days ago after years of seeing each other, and I was close with her folks too (they were almost like a second family to me). I was thinking about sending them a Christmas card, thanking them for the years of hospitality, love, etc, they've shown me and that I'll really miss seeing them this holiday season. I never had a chance to say goodbye or anything to them.

Does this "violate" NC in any way?

I did send out one of those long, heartbreaker kind of emails to her the day or so after the breakup. But that just made me realize I want to set out on a path of NC with her. But I don't know if sending a card to her parents would be construed as an "intrusion" into her circle. (She doesn't live at her parents house, by the way)

This whole thing is so brutally hard.

Thanks in advance.

While I do not believe sending holiday cards to an ex's family breaks NC (if she doesn't live there) I think you need to be very careful with what you write ... and how it comes off.

If you were close to them, and you think they'd not instantly balk and go "What the heck am I getting a card from HIM for, he is out of the picture!?" then I don't see the problem.

Just make it direct, about the holiday, and thats it. I'd suggest against filling the front flap of the card with sappy things, or anything at all about your ex, cheap shots, or whatever.

Think of it as .. like .. if you ran into them this weekend and had literally a minute to say hello. Just make it very quick, to the point, and move on. I mean ... too much more than "I appreciate everything you've done for me and the love you've shown me. Have a great Holiday Season!" ... or along those lines .. and it runs the risk of coming off kinda' freaky or desperate.

Just my .02 ... from a guy that would like to send a card to his ex's family, but has decided as of right now against it.

I have stayed NC for over 30 days now.

I am actually feeling much better now. And I am starting to accept that it might be over for ever. Even I still want her. But I'm starting to feel like if I get a chance to hook with a hot girl, then I will.

Lately I have been writing some songs about her. I am not a musician, but the lyrics are more true when you have felt how it is.

Nobody was more convinced than me how much we were meant together. I still love her, but what she has done is not acceptable. I will forgive her if she comes back, but I would want her to be completely sure about it.

She is not the most beautiful girl around. But she was the best for me. I liked every inch of her body, her smell and flavour was fantastic. She was a virgin when she met me. It is difficult to find a new one like her. First of all, the girl will be to young and immature. If I find an older one, she will definitively not be a virgin, at least very small chance for it, if she is attractive. I am now talking about marriage-material.

I know a lot of guys don't have the same preferences in a girl. But this is important to me.

It may be too late when/if she wants me back. It all depends on if she has been intimate with someone else or if I'm in a relationship. But if that ever happens, it may be too late, and it will be her loss. That is life. It is hard, but you have to be tough to survive.

I disagree with sending her parents a christmas card, even if she doesn't live with them. They are bound to tell her that they've received a card from you. Are you somewhat hoping that she'll contact you because you sent a christmas card to her parents? No.

programmer, it's harder if you found out that she does not care so much about you now and that her feelings for you has changed. Futhermore, my ex also tole me that he "really could not see us together, at least not for the time being".

That hurts.

Thought about it, and I'm deciding to go with Lilybear's advice. To stick with the No Contact clean break, I need to keep my name from entering her picture, whether directly or indirectly. So no card for her parents. It's tough, but it is what it is.

I wanted to ask my ex to give things another chance...and thought it would be better if i just see him face to face. He didn't want to see me as I can gather from his texts on sunday night. Then last night he texted and said whatever I wanted to tell him I can tell him then. I realized that he didn't care for me as much as he used to so it's fairly pointless to tell him to give us another chance. So more NC for me.

Today is day 5 of my No Contact. It's hard. I didn't think it'll be this hard. He broke up with me to join the Air Force and all I want to do is support him and for the next 18 months, remain as his friend. But I know I need 30 days just to clear my head - especially since I only started after a month of trying to keep talking to him and get some regular communication down there. I was basically a GNAT!!! Who knows. I do want to try again with this guy if he gets stationed close to home. And he knows that! But I can't control that. Just going to throw myself into my studies and try and make some new friends this semester. It's my last one and I really do have to start from the beginning again...

Who knows. I have to speak to the counsellors to see if I should extend it one more semester.

Day 66 NC. Love her to death but not contacting her because love can't be forced

Day 30 of No Contact from me. Went on my first date after what seemed like forever just so I don't feel so stuck in a rut. It went well. There was good food and good company. We didn't expect anything to come from it which was really nice too. I still love him, but love cannot be forced. I'm allowing for my heart to be open to new beginnings.

Hmm....Almost 2 years since we broke up. Month 6 of NC for me....Still think about her everyday....but not breaking NC becomes easy....So hang in there everybody.

One thing that has helped me in the past is, when you feel like breaking, picture in your mind that you send a text or msg and they don't reply. Then picture how you will feel 24 hours later. 48 hours later...and 72 hours later....

That usually stops you from doing it.....

NC (otherwise known as cold turkey in the drug/alcohol/addiction world) is damn hard, painful and trauma inducing for your brain, so be proud of every day you get through it...and also remember that if you are employing NC as a tactic to win your ex back you will torture yourself even further.....

Do all you can to take care of yourself and your health and work everyday on working towards acceptance*

Love n Light

Carus*

Day 5. I’m dying, I can’t do anything. There’s constant pain in my chest and I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard. It was really short but really beautiful. He’s almost perfect, just one ***ing big problem and I couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t done though. It’s so painful.