Cheating husband came to me for advice about OW

I found out about my husbands girlfriend about a month ago now. His plan was to stay with her and get a divorce...

So last night I am sleeping when I hear my name..."are you awake?" I am now...The next thing I know my H is on the floor of my bedroom (he has been staying in the guest room) sobing and unable to speak. At first I thought maybe it has finally hit him and he has some remorse for what he has done. Nooooo, instead he tells me how she broke up with earlier in the day and he is completely torn apart. He proceeds to tell me all the sorted details about problems they have in bed and she wants kids but he got fixed after our second child was born. She called him and said she wasn't getting what she wanted out of the relationship and when he was in town again to call and they could get together as friends. He proceeds to tell me how they said I love you for the first time this past week and how he thought this was the best relationship he had ever been in. She lives 6 hours away in our hometown and he is thinking about leaving at 3am to drive to see her and try to win her back. ](*,) He doesn't get it at all.

He said he thought this relationship was different from any he had ever had and that he didn't think we had a spark ever in our relationship...that is until he found the box I saved all these years with cards, e-mails and letters from the first years together. He said he read some of them and it was exactly like the stuff he says to her now. He forgot everything from the early years of our relationship...all of it.

At 4am he says he's tired and is heading to bed and turns and walks out with no clue how he has yet again destroyed me. I was up for another hour and cried myself to sleep. He is still clueless and still trying to figure out how to win her back.

What a real GRADE A JERK!!!

He cheats on you with someone, decides to divorce you, and then comes to YOU for advice on how she dumped him and how he wants her back.

My God!!! He has no feelings, does he???

People like that, you wonder when karma will get them back.

I wish you well.

I am constantly amazed by the behaviour I read about here. This is about as bad as it gets.

I am so sorry for your situation. I don't know how you want this all to resolve. All I can say right now is if I were you, I'd be kicking like hell while he was down.

Get him out of the house and out of your face.

What...

First off, why is he even there staying with you? It is clear he has lost all sense of reality. How does he get up in the middle of the night and come to his wifes room to seek comfort for his pain caused by HIM by having an extra marital affair. I see so many things wrong with this situation..oh where to start. First off you MUST...MUST...MUST get him out of your home. Nobody can even begin to heal from something so traumatic as divorce with them staying just down the hall. This is not healthy for anyone involved in this situation..not you, the kids or him. Second, make it clear in no uncertain terms that you are NOT his friend when it comes to his personal affairs, and you do not have any advice or comfort for him when it comes to his other woman. You are only human, and no one should go through that.

I'd kick him out of the house or move out to a hotel. This guy is poison.

You need to cut him out of your life totally, he is selfish and self-centered. He will never get it because it hurt its you and he's already shown he's not so caring about you.

The universe is all about him.

What hubris!

Hi there. I am so sorry that you had to experience that.

I agree with the others that you should not live with him any more.

Now that he has been dumped by the OW, he might try to use you as a shoulder to cry on or ask you to go back with him because he does not want to be alone. Please be strong and get out now before this gets worse.

He got what was coming to him as far as his broken heart goes, it's just a real shame that he thinks you would somehow be the appropriate person to consult about his troubles with his mistress. Unbelievable....

I think you should begin "no contact" with him ASAP. He is a very unhealthy influence in your life- and very insensitive/clueless too.

BellaDonna

I am so sorry for your pain. I agree with that others that he is a grade A jerk. He should not be living with you for it will just make healing more difficult for you. And you should make it very clear that he is NOT to come to you for romantic advice under any circumstances!!!!

You've told him, right? I mean, you've told him how ridiculous you think that is that he brings that stuff to you, right?

If you haven't said it in a while, its time to.

I get the whole, leave his butt in the dead of night after you've packed up all traces of your life together and cut him out of your life, but you HAVE to let him have it! Don't you? I mean, I would GO OFF !!

Maybe its just me.

But DUDE! You have to, somehow, say the words to him. Even if you already have, you have to say it again, a different way. Sometimes actions can speak a million times louder that words so be creative but don't let this go, any of it, without cluing him in to some degree.

If not for your sake, for the sake of your kids. If he's this callous and unaware of others' emotions.......

That's tough.

He has women issues, or just issues in general. It seems he doesn't realize how much he hurt you with the affair; it's all about him.

It sounds as if he treats you like a spoiled child would treat their mother, expecting unconditional forgiveness, with no thought or intent to do anything back for that person.

From the sounds of it, he lives in the moment, seeking immediate gratification.

I think you should tell him the way things are. Be blunt. Establish what the rules are now for your relationship. Not a discussion or compromise, tell him exactly things are, what he can talk to you about and what he can't. It's all up to you.

Arent you the person who made the other thread?

Okay the guy is an idiot fine. But WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU????

Are you kidding me? Is this real? If it is you have some serious explaining to do. Why are you allowing this BS to continue? Why in God's name are you not kicking him out? Why do you allow him to speak to you like that?

Honestly, he is treating you like human garbage. For Pets sake do something about it!!!!!!

I'm sorry to respond so bluntly to this but if someone was in a physically destructive relationship where they were constantly beaten I would say the same things. WAKE UP!

Kick this loser to the curb, he obviously cares little about you our your family. He isn't a man, he is a self absorbed little boy who needs a good spanking (figuratively of course)

Don't you dare allow him to stay for one more night. Call the cops if he refuses to leave, or pack your own bags and goto a family/friends place. DO NOT STAY ANYLONGER or you will have no one to blame for your misery but YOURSELF!

To answer a few questions posted here tonight...I tried to kick him and he was for about 2 weeks until an attorney told he also owns the house and legally I can't make him leave. I checked and he's right I tried and can't get him to agree to sign something that says he isn't abandoning his kids if he leaves the house and he won't do it...For the next 2 weeks he is watching the kids while I work so it saves a lot on babysitter costs. Then I am moving back home and will be able to get away from the situation.

Sweettea - obviously its not as simple as taking your kids and moving out or forcing him to leave. Splitting up is never easy ESP when there's kids involved.

I guess MY concern, if I may.... is that you'll see it as TOO hard and not move forward at all.

Do you think sometimes that there is anything salvageable there? I mean, have you and he talked about trying to work things out?

Sweettea I am sorry for your situation. If he approaches you like this again I would stop him in his tracks and tell him you are NOT the person to be discussing this with.

And I would be putting a lock on your bedroom door.

Have you talked to a lawyer? Are you in the process of filing for divorce?

This situation as it is sounds very unhealthy. Where will the children stay when you move out?

If it's true that the good die young, then this man will live for eternity!

You can't kick him out it seems, but you can put your finger on his nose, and tell him if he ever speaks another words to you....you will make his life there a living hell!

That is just about the worst behaviour I have ever heard of. Good luck with the moving out and getting on with your life. Hope that life improves once you remove yourself from the situation. Minimising your contact with him to the bare necessity of him having access to his kids sounds just about the best you can do for yourself here. Hope you keep posting to get some online support from people. All the best.

Sweettea I am sorry for your situation. If he approaches you like this again I would stop him in his tracks and tell him you are NOT the person to be discussing this with.

 

And I would be putting a lock on your bedroom door.

 

Have you talked to a lawyer? Are you in the process of filing for divorce?

 

This situation as it is sounds very unhealthy. Where will the children stay when you move out?

Everything you have posted thus far points to an exceptionally selsfish man who cannot see anything past his own nose. My sis said this once and boy is she so right, truth is stranger than fiction!! Well, now you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is ONLY thinking about himself and at the expense of others. Now you need to protect yourself and your children. I think the lock on the door is a good idea, he has lost the right and the privliege to enter that bedroom or any other domain that you consider yours. Keep any discussions you may ever share from this point on about bills and other

necessities. He no longer needs to know what's going on in your life aside from this. This may be a good time to spend some time with the kids as much as you can, they will need the support in the coming months.

Do take care of yourself, this sitch is exceptionally unhealthy and I wouldn't trust this guy further than I could throw a football stadium. You have to look after yourself because you know that this guy certainly won't!!!

OMG! This is nuts!

I can't believe some of the stuff I read on here!

I have been married and unfortunately divorced 3 times in my short 31 years of life. My first husband and I were Middle school sweethearts and starting dating when I was 13( he 15)...we were together for 10 1/2 years (married at 19, our daughter was born at 21) at 23 1/2 he came to me and told me he was GAY!!!! We had a very emotional discussion and I accepted him for who he was and that I still had my friend. My second husband was a friend of my first husband and I for about 6 years...he and his wife wound up getting a divorce and he and I dated for about a year and got married and had a baby.....63 days into the marriage we were divorced! About 1 week after we were married he started beating on me and he hurt my oldest daughter( then 4 yrs old) while I was at work and I found out via his own admittance over the phone...that I told he I wanted him out of the house that night and I wanted a divorce! Then came husband #3, sweet, charming, aggressive, sexy everything thing a woman could want...right? WRONG!!! He was every bit the professional manipulator, liar, cheat! I fell for him and his act so hard...he was my everything! We got married about 4 1/2 years into our relationship. He raised my youngest daughter from birth(witch her father husband #2 completely abandoned and surrendered his rights too) he also after we were married legally adopted her. He is a good Dad don't get me wrong...but he is a user and a poor excuse for a human being. He swore he would always be faithfully, he would never lie...If he was going to cheat on me he would leave me first...BULL$%^T! I found out about all the different woman all on my own, got proof, confronted him with it and he still denied it! Then after I broke off our relationship, he then would call me after he was done running around with all these other woman and would admit his fault and how he couldn't live without me and our daughter in his life...he was nothing without us...I was all he wanted and thought about...how it was a mistake....and I took him back 13 times!!!!! Yes, I am an idiot! but, this last time there was no going back! He could call me tomorrow and tell me that he wanted me back and that he would wear cast iron boxers with a lock on them and I could have the key to insure that he wouldn't cheat and I would throw the key in the lake and tell him to jump in after it and hope the cast iron boxers made him drown right along with the key! I however since after a year started dating my best friend who recently went through a horrible divorce with the female version of husband #2 & #3 mixed together. We discovered through many conversations that we had always bore feelings for one another and were very much in love with one another. He is a wonderful man that I have known for a very long time and there are no surprises with him because I already know everything about him. I am very fortunate to have found him and gratefully for the love he gives me. Even after 3 failed marriages I still believe in love and marriage, but you have to know when enough is enough. Find a person that is worth you and not one you think you can make a good mate....but one that already is!

I have been married and unfortunately divorced 3 times in my short 31 years of life..... Find a person that is worth you and not one you think you can make a good mate....but one that already is!

Yep, truth is stranger than fiction and one could indeed have a string of bad luck such as this. My wife's ex's where just like #2, and #3 for you. I'm impressed that you haven't let this jade you and you have been able to move past this pain. Good show!!

Oh dear GOd. I don't even begin to know what to really say.

What an utterly horrific thing for you to go thru. This is one of the largest acts of selfishness i have read in a long time.

Wow. He must really think the world really revolves around him. Kick his behind out.

Honey, I think you and I were married to the same man! You just described my ex perfectly.

Best wishes with your current man, you deserve to be cherished....

Have you ever seen the show Reba?? This reminds me of her idiotic husband, well ex husband on the show. I would ask him to move out now. Tell him to get out of your life and stay out and the only contact you need to have is about your children.

You deserve better.

I think you might want to create your own thread.