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Thread: "innocent" flirt

  1. #11
    Gold Member cichlid's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    Oooooh, I just re-read this. This is really key. It seems like you might be wanting to do "bad stuff" like "not-so-innocent-flirting" so that you don't have to be the dumper. You'd rather have him say, "you're a tramp, I never want to see you again" rather than go up to him and say, "I don't think you're the one for me."
    Subconsciously, yes, I guess in a way.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    ok, so what if you tell him about the "flirting" and then he says, "I'll try harder to be a good bf to you!" and then back to the same ignoring you..... then what?

  3. #13
    Gold Member cichlid's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    ok, so what if you tell him about the "flirting" and then he says, "I'll try harder to be a good bf to you!" and then back to the same ignoring you..... then what?
    I guess not. I don't have the nerve to break up with him. I want to break it off nice and clean but I know he is going to kick and fight the entire way.

    I guess I will wait until he gives his really old joke of: "I think we should see other people....because if we didn't, we would be blind." Give it a week...it should be said. It might be easier for me not to let him finish it, and then if he tells me he is joking, I can tell him that I'm not.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I see what you are saying. No one wants to be the "bad guy" and break the other's heart by saying, 'i'm just not that into you." But, i think he does deserve the truth. I mean, wouldn't you just rather someone breaks up with you, rather than cheat on you, and make you break up with them?

    I think you will just have to be firm and tell him that it's not working. I know he will kick and fight, but be firm, and then don't take his calls. It's kind of ironic that he will kick and fight to keep you, but he doesn't do much to keep your attention when he IS in the relationship. Tell him straight out. Things aren't going to get better at this rate. You are unhappy, you should leave him. And he does deserve better than to be cheated on (which I know you haven't yet, but you will if you keep things up).

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  6. 11-23-2007, 07:43 PM

  7. #15
    Gold Member cichlid's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    and then don't take his calls
    Easier said than done. He'll call the house, my mom will somehow try to hook us back up. Ugh!

  8. #16
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    tell your mom to date him if he is so wonderful.

    look, I think you just gotta tell him. it's going to suck, but you are an adult, your mommy can't make you date whoever, and this guy doesn't make you happy. seriously.

    your other option is to have rampant sex with every other guy, and then your bf finds out, and then calls you the town tramp on myspace. I pick option #1.

  9. #17
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    This is actually straight forward - you should break up with this guy, not act so that he is the one that will have to break up with you. Breaking up with him will not make you the bad guy, it makes you an adult who has makes her own decisions in life. If pictures of you two together make you shudder its time to head for the door. Staying in the relationship is leading him on. Hitting on other guys while you are in a relationship is morally questionable and disrespectful to him. Its kinder to cut this guy loose.

  10. #18
    Gold Member cichlid's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by parralax
    This is actually straight forward - you should break up with this guy, not act so that he is the one that will have to break up with you. Breaking up with him will not make you the bad guy, it makes you an adult who has makes her own decisions in life. If pictures of you two together make you shudder its time to head for the door. Staying in the relationship is leading him on. Hitting on other guys while you are in a relationship is morally questionable and disrespectful to him. Its kinder to cut this guy loose.
    I know...it's so much harder than it looks. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me for not making the relationship work. Like there's nothing wrong like abuse, cheating, fighting, etc. Yet I want out simply because I don't feel in love and I miss the days of being single without a care in the world other than wondering if I will find the one.

    But life will go on, right?

  11. #19
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cichlid
    I know...it's so much harder than it looks. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me for not making the relationship work. Like there's nothing wrong like abuse, cheating, fighting, etc. Yet I want out simply because I don't feel in love and I miss the days of being single without a care in the world other than wondering if I will find the one.

    But life will go on, right?
    I don't think that there is anything wrong with you, it's just not a love match. Ok - think of it this way..... don't you know a great guy and a great girl, each wonderful on their own, but you know if they dated, it would be a disaster, not a match at all? well, kind of like that.

    You said he doesn't give you enough attention, that's definitely an incompatibility thing. And you just don't feel deeply for him. Love isn't always logical, you don't always fall for the person who looks good on paper.

  12. #20
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    There is nothing wrong with you that you don't love this guy - it just has not happened. It seems that you have affection and care for him but this is not enough to sustain the relationship. Your best option is to be kind and respectful to him and break up with him. This is a hard thing, and maybe he will kick and scream, but really, there is not a lot that he can do to change the way you feel for him.

    1. You don't love him
    2. You are not compatible

    Really good reasons to break up - in fact number one on its own is pretty much enough. And be honest - there is nothing more insulting that "its not you its me" - the truth is that he can't meet your needs - you are looking for something different to what he will ever be able to offer you.

    Whatever you do, don't do things to make him break up with you - people are likely to judge you harshly for it, and you will prbably wind up with a mess of guilt about your own behaviour. Thats bad for everyone, especially yourself.

    Life goes on to new and different things, change is inevitable.

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