Regression. Help please?

Hey guys, some of you know what my story is.

Short version. Wife cheated on me with two guys, found out, split up. Shes dating another guy that she started talking to while we were wanting to work things out.

Went NC, didnt talk for 2 months. Divorce is coming up (court tomorrow).

She started calling me about 3 weeks ago, just been talking. She keeps saying that her current B/F treats her like crap, and constantly accuses her of cheating. Ironic huh?

Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me, but I still want to at least have another go at it. She says she doesn't know what she wants with her life, and that she will never be able to love me like she did.

I don't understand why she calls me out of the blue, talks about gettign back together, and then pulls this. All it does is make me feel bad and get depressed again.

Part of the problem is that I've dated many girls since we've been split up (separated almost 8 months now.)

I don't have feelings for any of them. I've had feelings for two, and things didn't work out, but it was a short type of relationship so thats ok I guess. It just seems I can't find anyone that I REALLY feel in love with. I just don't get that feeling anymore.

And I don't understand her. I feel like if her boyfriend now is treating her like crap, and shes still with him, but cheats on me and leaves, what is so bad ab out me that being with him is still better than being with me?

I don't know I'm just kind of depressed, and I dont know what to do. I really do want to try again with her, if nothing else just for closure so that I can

feel like this is right.

We were together for 5 years, which is not alot compared to some people on here, but she was the only person I ever really felt *it* for, and I'm afraid I'm not ever going to feel that again. Its like she changed into a different person overnight.

I guess the worst part of this is loving someone to the point that you would do literally anything for them, and not only do they not love you, they treat you horribly.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do. I mean I know logically that shes been cheating on me, and shes calling me when her B/f is at work so its the same kind of thing. But I still want her back.

And I'm afraid I'm always going to feel the way I do right now. I feel depressed, and alone. I actually cry about it sometimes. I have never cried about anything in my life. Seriously.

Sorry to hear buddy...

She's bad news though and you'll get over her sooner than she'll "figure out" what she wants to do with herself. She's calling you in HER time of need because she knows you'll tell her what she wants to hear and that's her ego boost. I know you can't just drop you're feelings of missing her but you've already gone on other dates and that's a big step. Five years is a long time and I know there were some of the greatest moments in your life but you have many more to come. Drop her man, she's a waste of time...

Hey, I know how you feel.

My first wife cheated on me w/ 2 best friends at different times in my life. The pain of betrayal is worse than anything else.

I will always remember the time with my last best friend, after I found out. We used to all party together and his response to me was that I "shouldn't get so drunk". Like it was my fault they cheated, because I drank enough to go to sleep.

Hell, I didn't know that was permission. Man, you mean I could have slept with a ton of women and didn't even know.

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and an abhorant behavior. My current ex was cheated on and she may go back to him. I don't know how someone could really.

Your ex has touched him, like she used to touch you and probably called him the same pet names she called you and looked into his eyes in the exact same way.

Normally, I understand what Zorba writes, basically in that when 2 people split, it should not be a concern of what they did outside the split, should they get back together. You usually don't care about past lovers, when you first meet someone, so why then?

However, cheating to me, is different. Going back to someone's ex when they caused you problems, is different.

So, I ask you to look at your last line...

And I'm afraid I'm always going to feel the way I do right now.

I think that sometimes there is too much water under that bridge and well, you may never be able to put those bad feelings aside.

I suggest you move on, but who am I to say. I am still pining over an ex that basically used me to feel better.

Thank you for your replies. Need2Be, the quote you highlighted is out of context I think.

I'm afraid I'm always going to feel alone and not loved like I do now, after we split. I think thats the reason I want her back. Shes the only woman who I have ever been completely and blindly in love with.

I'm afraid I won't find that again.

You'll find love again and I'm sure she's going to be amazing...you just got to be open to the idea...

Thank you for your replies. Need2Be, the quote you highlighted is out of context I think.

OK, I just took it as I saw it, but you are right in that it is a scary thought to think you won't find it again.

She's BAD NEWS. Unfortunately some of us waste time on people who are disrespectful and treat us like crap. I was with my ex for ten years and he cheated too.

OP, I don't think you are READY to fall in love again. You are not over your wife, and you won't be for some time. If you stay in touch with her, healing will take longer. I strongly feel that you should go NC - do not let her phone you whenever she feels like it - she cheated on you, remember? That's a hanging offence.

Prioritize your own healing by cutting her out of your life, and follow some of the advice posted on here for getting over a break up. You WILL feel strongly for another woman again, but only when you get past this properly. And that takes time and thought. Hopefully you will meet someone more respectful next time around.

All best to you.