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Thread: Why has he completely shut me out?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2007

    Why has he completely shut me out?

    Iím going through a break up that has left me totally confused and heart broken. For 4 years in college, my ex and I were BEST friends. We did everything (study, party, socialize, etc) together. The last semester of college, we began a relationship. After 7 months, I moved to a new city to start working, and he moved to start grad school. As soon as we started doing long distance the relationship went downhill. We began fighting nonstop, and he even cheated on me one night. I grew to be more and more insecure and tried to hang on to the relationship with everything I had, while he was pulling farther and farther away. After 8 months of trying to do long distance, and a few very near break ups, he actually broke up with me. The process itself was horrible and probably the lowest point I have ever been in. It was basically me fighting for 3 weeks and begging him to stay with me, while he insisted he was done. I had let my insecurities take over and completely lost sight of who I was and what I had to offer. Instead, I was so focused on not losing him bc I was too scared.

    Our last day together, I told him I was scared to lose both a boyfriend and a best friend. He said that I wasnít losing a best friend and that our friendship would just take a little lull before it bounced right back. It has been 8 months since our break up and he has completely shut me out. We are from the same hometown and have run into each other a couple of times downtown at bars. Both times, he has given me the cold shoulder and treated me like an acquaintance rather than his best friend of 5 years and exgirlfriend of over a year. It was really hard for me to deal with. My first run in was two months after the break up. I sent him a message online the next day that basically said, ďI realize it was awkward when we saw each other at the bar, but I want you to know that Iíve realized that our breakup was a good thing and that we are both probably a lot happier now. I also want you know that what matters to me is our friendship of 5 years, so if you would like to do lunch, let me know.Ē

    It has been almost 6 months since that message and no response. He has shut me out entirely and I have been having a terrible time dealing with this, mainly because we were best friends for so long. Of course Iím not completely over him and would one day like to get back together. But I donít think thatís a good idea unless we ever live in the same city again and we are both emotionally healthy.

    I just donít understand how guys are capable of completely shutting a girl out. Is he totally done with me and does he really want absolutely nothing to do with me ever again? Both as a friend and a girlfriend??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    New York
    My guess is he knows it's the only way you both can heal from the wounds you sustained leading up to and during your breakup. And yes, one day you may be able to resume your friendship, or even a relationship. For now the wounds may just be too fresh for even the friendship to work, and maybe he sees that. In any case I wish you the best.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    I guess from reading all the other threads on here, I should maintain NC. I haven't called him once since the break up and worry that me not being in his life at all is helping him forget me.

    If he really did miss me, wouldn't he at least try to reach out?

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