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Questions About Hotwife/Cuckold relationships


Eire1

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I've seen some sites where married couples have these relationships where the wife has sex with other men and the husband finds it thrilling and wants to watch or hear about her encounters.

 

Sometimes I REALLY want my wife to be more sexual. She's never really shown much interest in sex (we've been together for nearly two decades, married one decade) and I've often blamed myself. She used to reject me a lot and I just stopped initiating. Our relationship is EXTREMELY close (I consider her my soulmate), but NOT intimate in a physical sense. She cheated on me early in our relationship before marriage, but we worked through it.

 

A couple years ago I encouraged her to get PlayGirl thinking maybe that would help to get her to come out of this "frigid" shell. I found I got really aroused just knowing she was reading it and thinking that perhaps she was lusting after well endowed guys in the magazine. Something about seeing her very sexual (i.e. "slutty") just turns me on for some reason.

 

I'm just curious if:

 

1. Any of you women out there ever fantasized or wished they had some sort of "hotwife" lifestyle with their husbands where they could have sex with other men with their husbands' blessing and encouragement?

 

2. Any of you guys ever fantasize about your wife or girlfriend in this manner, or even just wished she had a "sluttier" side to her?

 

I'm seeing it ONLY as an occasional fantasy - not something to pursue, but I've noticed that there have been a lot of major movies with these themes lately and more and more sites catering to this fetish. Kind of makes you wonder what's going on in society that men and women are starting to embrace these kinds of once marginal fetishes? Wonder if it's some offshoot of new feminism driving it?

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No experience, but curious what major movies feature this theme?

 

Some that loosely incorporate this theme (though often it's only a suspecting cuckold):

1. The Good Girl (Jennifer Aniston)

2. Unfaithful (Richard Gere)

3. The Constant Gardener (Fiennes)

4. Closer (Jude Law, Julia Roberts, ..)

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this is a variation on the swinger theme... if your wife is not very sexual to begin with, if you asked her to start having sex with other men in addition to yourself i think it could lead to a lot of trouble... she could either fall for someone else, or exploring her sexuality this way could lead her to decide you are treating her like a hooker palming her off on other men to get satisfaction yourself..

there are a *small* percentage of couples who swing successfully without it impacting their marriage...

 

and some women might be very offended and disgusted at the thought that her husband wants her to break her wedding vows in the interest of turning him on.

 

i think it is fine for you to have any fantasy you want, but i think if you try to make it 'real' when she's not that into sex to begin with might cause a heap of trouble.

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I really don't think I personally would have the stomach for that kind of relationship. This will undoubtedly remain purely fantasy. It's also one that comes and goes. At times it disgusts me and I don't know how I ever even found it compelling to begin with.

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it is certainly not abnormal to have these kinds of fantasies, as everyone's fantasy life is their own... and if hollywood is doing movies on it, certainly it must be a common theme...

 

people fantasize just about everything under the sun, but i think where you need to be careful is trying to act on it if it might upset your wife...

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The strange thing about this fantasy is it seemingly appeared out of nowhere in the last several years. I've often thought it may have had to do with dealing with her past infidelity and I was also cheated on years before that by another girl who then publicly humiliated me by spreading it around that I was inadequate (though technically I'm not).

 

Perhaps the coping process and learning to live with the potential that it could happen again. Or maybe a low self-esteem and sense I can't please her. I sometimes think it's about learning to cope with our fears by learning to enjoy them, though the fantasy didn't come from ever planning it that way or consciously seeking something for coping purposes. Strange stuff -- I know.

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Anyone else (male or female) have any insight into this fantasy or have previously or currently shared this fantasy in some capacity?

 

It is somewhat interesting because it encompasses this idea of female "sexual freedom" and tries to mesh that with the love and stability of a married relationship. Very much like "open relationships" as BeStrongBeHappy mentioned, but the husband more or less takes his cards off the table and enjoys watching his wife fullfilled.

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I understand this. The idea of someone I'm really attracted to lusting after and being with another man turns me on. It really does. It's nothing that I put a voice to very often, but it's there.

 

When my last ex and I broke up from a very stormy, very sexual relationship, she waited about 3 months before she picked up a brief rebound. It only lasted 3 weeks. I found out about it through a mutual friends, and I was extremely jealous. At the same time, when I imagined it, it turned me on to no end. So in that sense, it all just became confusing.

 

Still, when I picture this guy being sexual with another man, it turns me on more then turns me off. I haven't explored these feelings enough to pinpoint where they come from or even why they exist, but I've had a few voyeuristic fantasies about it.

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Anyone else (male or female) have any insight into this fantasy or have previously or currently shared this fantasy in some capacity?

 

It is somewhat interesting because it encompasses this idea of female "sexual freedom" and tries to mesh that with the love and stability of a married relationship. Very much like "open relationships" as BeStrongBeHappy mentioned, but the husband more or less takes his cards off the table and enjoys watching his wife fullfilled.

 

 

I agree with bestrongbehappy and if she is not all that sexual suggesting this would probably offend and hurt her a great deal.

 

I have heard of tihs. As a matter of fact we know a woman who hangs out at the local pub who would get drunk and do just that - take a man home and sleep with him while her husband was watching in the closet.

 

Her nickname at the pub? Crazy wine lady. So just know that doing this is likely to get you guys a reputation if it ever made mainstream knowledge. I don't judge people for what floats their boat but since this is way non mainstream it is hard for others to accept.

 

Some men are like this but get wildly aroused if their girl chases after other women. There are as many fetishes out there as there are people but you have to be certain your girl would want it as much as you. If she did it only to please you it would end up wrecking the marriage vs enhancing it.

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Wow never thought I would see a topic on cuckolding on here... it's a major fetish of sorts for me... one that turns me on, but not sure I could handle the fantasy becoming a reality and honestly I'm confused about why it's such a turn on anyway.

 

To touch base on a few things:

 

I've been single for a long time.. too long perhaps, but yes I do have very vivid fantasies about getting with a girl who is sexually free enough to sleep with whoever they want... whenever they want, all while denying me.

 

Again why this turns me on, I couldn't tell you... maybe I'm a sexual pervert.

 

I don't think it's feminism because I consider myself fairly well versed on the subject and a good 95 percent of the time, it tends to be the male pushing for it.. until the girlfriend/wife finally agrees.

 

There are exceptions of course where the female simply has too high a sex drive for one man... or her boyfriend/husband is simply not good in bed and the only way the relationship is going to last, is if she's allowed sexual freedom.

 

Men into this scene are basically into voyerism, since they enjoy watching the woman they love get sexual fulfillment

 

It's also a common fetish for males espcially in the BDSM scene and that's the sort of thing that gets my motor going... the more extreme cases... and seeing how this isn't the sex forum so I'm not going to get too detailed... but I'll just say that extreme female dominated cuckold relationships are easy to find into on via the web.

 

I'm with you in the sense though that I think it should best be kept fantasy at least in my case... don't think I could handle the real thing.

 

Also keep in mind this isn't a very socially accepted fetish in the least... but hey who's to say what others should be into.

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  • 7 months later...

The appeal centers around sperm competition and involves simple supply and demand dynamics with respect to reproductive resources. The less perceived access to mating opportunities with a beloved wife, whom is deemed very adaptive from the reproductive perspective, the higher the value of mating opportunities with her in general. The demand is high, because she's seen as adaptive, but the supply decreases, so the value (price willing to pay) increases. This is why husbands get more turned on by fewer mating opportunities in the present and signals of fewer in the future. This is meant to drive the husband to quickly mate with the wife so that he has a chance of inpregnating her first, hence taking advantage of a limited opportunity to do so. However, there is a tipping point in which, if the husband feels secure enough to know he will not lose his wife, then he is actually more turned on by the knowledge that his wife is sharing her mating opportunities with another man than soley mating with her himself.

 

Sperm competition is seen in many animal species., but largely unseen is the willing, enthusiastic participation of the cuckold. This is a uniquely human behavior, rooted in our ability for symbolic, self-referential metacognition, facilitated in part by language modules in the human brain. Because the human cuckold can step outside of himself and view the situation from without, he has opportunity to realize that the mere sperm competition is more arousing than actually mating with his wife, again due to supply and demand, and hence develops strategies to facilitate the shift toward being a willing cuckold.

 

As mentioned above, because the cuckold now is more aroused by the decrease in supply of mating opportunities with his adaptive wife, he is willing to expend more energy and social capital (price) to keep her happy enough to either continue the cuckolding or keep him included. Hence, there is sometimes the self-feeding spiral down for the cuckold, who actually seeks to work harder for his wife and accept more humiliation to pay for his increased arousal.

 

Pregnancy is a big turn on for cuckolds, because it means the hot wife will be unavailable to reproduce with him for perhaps at least a year and she will then likely develop a special bond with the father of the child, thus increasing the chance that she will leave the cuck for her lover.

 

For the wife, research has shown that women prefer men with more alpha characteristics during ovulation. Genetic evidence indicates that short flings on the sly with alpha males have not been uncommon during human existence. Women benefit in terms of reproductive success by marrying men who will be loyal and will be good fathers to their children, while cheating with alpha males for more immediate genetic benefits. The idea is to fool the beta male into raising the alpha male children. This is why jealousy evolved in the first place.

 

Hence, many women enjoy the cuckold lifestyle as they get everything they want. They optimize their reproductive success. The cuckold expends ever more energy and welcomes increasing social humilitation to send ever stronger signals of devotion, which lets her know her beta male needs will be met as she seeks ever more mating success with alphas.

 

I should mention here at the end that, even though it is perhaps obvious, characteristics in alpha lovers such as larger penises, higher social status, etc, are more exciting for the cuckold, as they make it more likely they will have fewer mating opportunities with their wives, due to the lack of the cuck's ability to substitute.

 

I aplogize for the organization of this post, but I think it offers a fairly comprehensive explanation for cuckold behavior.

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The strange thing about this fantasy is it seemingly appeared out of nowhere in the last several years. I've often thought it may have had to do with dealing with her past infidelity and I was also cheated on years before that by another girl who then publicly humiliated me by spreading it around that I was inadequate (though technically I'm not).

 

Perhaps the coping process and learning to live with the potential that it could happen again. Or maybe a low self-esteem and sense I can't please her. I sometimes think it's about learning to cope with our fears by learning to enjoy them, though the fantasy didn't come from ever planning it that way or consciously seeking something for coping purposes. Strange stuff -- I know.

 

It's good that you mentioned that. Humiliation and inadequacy are the basic themes behind cuckold relationships.

 

The point is: you (not you specifically) are inadequate and cannot please her, so she finds someone who can and makes you watch, humiliating you.

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  • 1 year later...

I have the opposite fantasy sometimes - of being with a wife in front of her husband. I haven't done it for real, and I sometimes feel guilty for such fantasies and wonder how many years in hell I might be incurring upon myself for envisioning another man's wife. So, when I opt to explore the fantasy, I envision it taking place with somewhat random couples instead of thinking about friends etc.

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  • 4 months later...

Hi Erie,

 

I have the same fantasy u have about my wife having sex with other men. I tried to make this fantasy come true by trying to get my wife interested in this fantasy. I wasn't very successful at the beganing but step by step I got her a little interest although she pretended that she would do it only to satisfy my fantasy. I have to admit to u that I lost a large amount of her respect to me & to my surprise this loss somehow turned me on!!! Anyway, this is not the reason why I posted a reply to yr topic here. The reason is I don't understand why I became interested in cuckolding? By the way, I wasn't always a cuckold my whole life. In fact I lost couple of girls long time before marriage because I was extremely jealous!!! I don't know what happened to me?? Why I've changed dramatically? I read this theory of "War of Sperms", but somehow it wasn't convincing. And to tell u the truth, I don't have the guts to see a psychiatrist about it. It's not that I hat being a cuckold man, it's just that I want to understand what happened. Why a man would get so turned on when he sees his wife in bed with another man??!!! Is it because it's a taboo?? Is it because we got bored of straight sex?? Anyone has any ideas???

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