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Thread: How to deal with girlfriend's insecurities...

  1. #1
    valiantv
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    How to deal with girlfriend's insecurities...

    I love my girlfriend, she is the nicest person in the world...

    But she is very insecure... Everyone loves her (because she is so nice), but she won't believe this. She seems to analyse whatever people say, or if they don't respond to a text, or look at her the wrong way, and make out that they don't like her or that they are annoyed about something she did, or something or other.

    This is starting to get annoying, because if I say something, she will take it up the wrong way, as an insult. Then when I try to explain myself, she will question the way I phrased it, and say something like, "well you wouldn't have said it that way if that's what you meant", and stuff.

    It gets worse when she is stressed (e.g. studying for exams), and she has this habit of storing up bad thoughts in her mind, which interfere with her study, which increases the stress, which makes the whole thing worse. It sometimes makes her get pissed off about insignificant things too.

    I really want to help, but I find it impossible to reassure her about anything, she tends not to believe any compliments (although partly my fault as I'm not very good at complimenting)... I am not entirely sure she trusts me (though she assures me that she does) and whenever she complains about her problems, although I'm perfectly willing to listen to them, she stops herself and says, "You don't want to hear all of this" and stuff.

  2. #2
    bluefishie
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    Hmm I sound alot like your girlfriend I have the same problems.. with insecurity. I know it's really hard on my boyfriend, cuz sometimes when I ask him to be brutally honest, the things he says are so hurtful and make me want to cry. The biggest thing for me is that I understand that I do those things, so I can work on them. The best thing my boyfriend has done is to be there for me, he has increased my confidence and esteem by 10 fold atleast. With compliments, the best thing is to be honest. My boyfriend jokes around alot, and when I get really upset over how someone might feel, he jokes and calls me silly, and he'll point out all the good stuff, and then be like "See, how could they not like that?" ... The only advice I can give you is to stick in there, keep trying..

  3. #3
    Superfreak
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    Probably every girl is alot like your girlfriend if that's any comfort. You need to understand that even though you don't think your reassurance is doing her any good, and even though she's not hinting that it is, it probably is.

    Tell her that you love her, tell her she's beautiful, tell her why you'd rather be with her then any other girl in the world. Understand that just listening and being their for her helps her more then you probably realise.

  4. #4
    Single_Forever_it_Seems
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    Well I myself cannot handle compliments very well. I get them sure but I guess I think so little of myself that I'm almost embarrassed and think that they're "just saying that". You need to find a way to express things to your girlfriend in a way that's sincere and special and not just wow you look hot or something. You definitely need to work on the compliments but you know what... try a different approach. Instead of saying baby you're gorgeous or something about appearance, start off by recalling a time in the past that she did something or said something that made YOU feel special or you think about often. Make sure you don't just give her compliments on her looks even if that's what she's insecure about. Remember to compliment her intelligence, her perception, the way she deals with everyday people, how she treats her parents, her pets and most importantly how she makes you feel. I can always handle a compliment from someone who says I make them feel amazing! It's complimenting ME by knowing I make someone else feel great and they realize it and love me for it!

    Best of luck!

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