Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Narcissistic Mate and No Contact Rule

  1. #1
    Jerdisann

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    2

    Narcissistic Mate and No Contact Rule

    I know that I should not be interested in maintaining a relationship with a Narcissistic mate but my question is: Does the NC stategy work as a tool to bring him back. My narcissistic mate broke off with me in retailiation. And I just learned that he is seeing someone else. He was upset with me because I changed my mine about commiting money to him, after learning that he was still seeing other women. I have been seeing him off and on for over 21/2 yrs.

    Unfortunately, I am having an extremely, extremely difficult time breaking away at this moment. He is 74 and I am 57. As with all Narcissistic men, he was extremely comforting, kind, and awesome for the first 3 to 6 month.

    The past year saw me finalizing my divorce ( I had been separated for 3 years and just recently got the divorce), dealing with the death of my mother, and in court dealing with 4 different attorneys relative to legal issues that arose after my mothers death. Consequently, I ended up leaning on this gentleman for all of my help and support.


    What can I do?

  2. #2
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    52
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    20
    Good grief, not only is he a creep, he is also 17 years older than you. It sounds to me that you just need someone to fill a hole within yourself so you latched on to an older man....problem is he still has the mentality of a 5 year old. I think you can do much better than that...and even if there is nobody else that comes into your life for now, you are certainly better off without this loser.

  3. #3
    Ryssia
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    30
    Posts
    18
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerdisann [Register to see the link]
    Does the NC stategy work as a tool to bring him back.
    In my experience, NC worked in the opposite way: My ex eventually left me alone.
    He wasn't getting any reaction from me, so he stopped contacting me.

  4. #4
    shes2smart
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Shrine of Seven Stars
    Age
    52
    Posts
    6,507
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    79
    Using no contact with the intent to get someone back is like using a spoon to cut a watermelon. It's the wrong tool for the job. No contact is about giving yourself a quiet and safe space to heal after a break-up. No contact is the emotional equivilent of not picking at a physical wound after it's scabbed over.

    The larger issue, though, would be why you are seeking to get someone back who is seeing other women (and likely will continue to do so) when you apparently want a more exclusive relationship? I understand you've been through some hard times and you feel this person was a friend to you, however, how good a "friend" is he really?
    he was extremely comforting, kind, and awesome for the first 3 to 6 month
    And what after that? Would a real friend be nice during that initial "get to know you" phase and then start being a jerk? Would a real friend lie to you (seems like you were in the dark about him seeing other women) about where you stand with them?

    You made some reference to some financial issues, but I don't know what "commiting money to him" means in your specific circumstances. If you don't want to share more details, that's fine. But from what you've said, I'd be a little supicious about his motives. People can get pretty squirrelly when money gets involved.

    What you can do is find some other sources of support instead of this one person who you have described as a narcissist...and if you thought it was an exclusive relationship, sounds like he's a cheater, too.

    For a place to start, I'd suggest you find a counselor/therapist to talk about the issues with your divorce and your mother's death. Each of those things is a stressful event in and of itself, let alone the double whammy you got. In addition, you might also want to explore with a counselor the reasons why you ended up in an unhealthy relationship.

    Beyond that, you might also want to check out some support groups. Often times churches or community organizations will have post-divorce support groups and grief support groups. Many times it is free to attend these groups (although they might pass the hat for a voluntary donation).

    Frankly, I think you may not be in the best of places to consider a romantic relationship right now. You've had a lot of other crap dumped on you, and it might be more beneficial to you in the long run to get yourself straightened out and healed up before you attempt a romantic involvement.

  5. #5
    nadiaj2727
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    35
    I don't totally understand the concepts of narcisstic mate or no contact... I am not up to date on the different relationship terms I guess... however it sounds like this man is using you and you are allowing him to do so. I agree with the poster who wrote:

    It sounds to me that you just need someone to fill a hole within yourself so you latched on to an older man....problem is he still has the mentality of a 5 year old.

    Why is it that much older men can be so immature when they date younger women, and that they are not actually ready to handle a real relationship?? I'm not sure if that's narcissistic or immature or what, but you don't need it. I think you should stick to NC so that you can get the point accross to this man that you no longer need him. I understand you were going through some hard times, but it might be refreshing and liberating to say, "I can do things on my own now, I don't need anyone else, especially not someone who doesn't give me what I want."

  6. #6
    Jerdisann

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    2
    Thank you for responding! I know that what you are telling me is so true. I am just in shock about the Narcissist diagnosis. I just learned of such a disorder and I can't believe that this is an incurable illness. He did come into my life at a most vulnerable time. My mother was dying and did die, I was separated and going through a divorce, had a car accident, and was eventually drawn into legal issues where I have now 4 different attorney's in lawsuits that evolved as a part of my deceased mother's estate. I am ashamed to admit that I still want this man. And, I am having a difficult time getting over him. He is charming, articulate, well educated, handsome, is a musician, a business owner, and has a family that loves me dearly. We are all disappointed that he has dropped me. I am looking for any ray of hope that this disease can be cured, or instructions on how to make the best of it in a relationship with him.

  7. #7
    love4life
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,696
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady D [Register to see the link]
    No I don't think he will come back unless you make the first move, if he is a narcissist. Been through the same myself

    Love Lady D x
    Have to agree here. I'm pretty sure my ex (who's pretty self-absorbed and immature) won't contact me unless he it's that he needs something from me. And he's seeing someone else so I don't really want him around, anyway.

  8. #8
    Momene
    Gold Member Momene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Wiltshire
    Posts
    3,493
    Gender
    Male
    I'm sorry but even if he took you back, the relationship would not be a good one. Honestly, you're best off without him, difficult as this may seem now.

    Take care.

  9.  

Top Threads
The girlfriend of a Nightclub Manager
Hello everyone! I'm looking for honest and real advice here. Just give it to me straight. So, I'm the girlfriend of a Nightclub Manager. He manages a
Just a little down.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for aside from venting, but I'm feeling down about something. Maybe you can make me realize I'm sensitive or
He said he had confused feelings for my friend. Was my reaction too severe?
Hi everyone, I would love to get an outside opinion on this as we don't always know in life if our reactions our justified to certain events
Social Media and Relationships
So I've noticed that views on social media in relationships vary greatly from person to person. Ive recently been having an issue with my boyfriend
he somehow cheated on me and still with her
My ex and I were dating for a year and then he broke up with me 6 months ago because he felt I was pressuring him a lot. a couple of weeks later he
FWB with potential? I'm confused about this relationship.
I recently decided to try out online dating, being open minded with what type of relationship I want. I'm sort of busy with school lately so it isn't
Broke up as he's confused feelings for ex
I met someone a year ago we began speaking and seeing each other all the time .Daily messages . He'd been split from his ex for a year. She had

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Don Juan President
I'm the president of Don Juans. I know all the top moves to make with females and I've had sex so many times. If a man needs advice ask right here.
Talk Dirty to Me!
OMGosh this is rampant. I have been serial dating in hopes of finding a long term relationship. BTW, nn the past two weeks I have been doing really
Is it wrong that I don't drive my parent's car to drive myself places as of now?
I am 20 and I have my driver's license but I don't have my own car yet so I have to rely on my parents and the bus to get me places but my parents
Friendship changes, how to deal?
Hello All, My friend and I are close. We consider our friendship like a brother & sister type. Lately, I've been noticing he has been treating me
Online Dating Descripton Sets Off Red Flags For Me, But Maybe Not for Others?
I have someone who has been giving me attention with Online Dating (yes, I thought I'd give it a gentle go. Dip my toe in the water even though I was
Help
Hi, I'm 37 and I have been with my partner for about 5 years and we have been married just under a year. About 5 months ago my now wife had an
Did you ever get over your first love? Post your stories!
Hello, I've been feeling kind of down lately because I always hear people saying that you never get over your first love, or you'll always compare
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •