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Thread: This is why you don't have your ex back

  1. #1
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    This is why you don't have your ex back

    I've been reading alot of posts on here.. and have been observing and learning from others mistakes.

    I've taken some notes and here are the things that I see that is keeping a successful reconciliation from happening.

    1. I actually think it's a good thing that we pour our hearts out to our ex's when they first break up with us. It lets them know how we truly feel about them.

    2. After you pour your heart out, you have to back off. Let the things you said to them marinate. When they're not feeling the pressure, and are able to relax and contemplate, they'll think of the words you said to them during the break up. I believe this is very important and crucial for a possible reconciliation.

    3. Work on yourself. Become the best you that you possibly can. Get a life.. work out.. get a makeover. Become a stud or a goddess. And most importantly, FIX YOUR HEAD!

    4. If the ex makes contact, DO NOT mention past bull crap. The ex needs to feel comfortable talking to you. You need to warm their heart and show them the person they originally fell in love with. You are fabulous, but during the relationship, you lost that. Find it again. VERY CRUCIAL!!!

    5. Hold your ground! This is probably one of the most important things. Keep your dignity and your value. If you backpeddle and tell the ex that YOU were the one that was wrong, your value goes down. Believe me, they know they probably screwed up which caused you to start trippin... which ultimately led to the demise of the relationship (not including cheating, lying, etc.) Hold your stance and let them know that although you want them back, you will not tolerate them treating you like crap. This gains their respect for you and they feel that you are someone of VALUE!

    6. This kinda goes along with #5. Keep your VALUE. People like things that are valuable. When they obtain them, they feel extremely lucky. Keep your standards and let them know that in order for them to be with YOU, they have to meet your standards. They will feel lucky to be with you. Trust me on this!

    7. They need to know you have options, but you CHOOSE to have them in YOUR life. We all work for goals. It's human nature. If someone at work told me that there was no way I could be qualified for a certain position, I'd work my a** off to get that position. Think about it...

    8. MOVE ON!!! Personally, I don't want the easy relationship. I want something I have to work for. To me that is more precious and the rewards of getting it will be more satisfying than anything. If our ex's know that we are there waiting for them.. where's the challenge? Again, we lose our value. We need to be unattainable and a prize.

    9. ALWAYS always always end the conversations first. You have a life and yeah, it's great to hear from them, but if they want your time, they need to show you that they are worthy of your precious time. Don't ever forget that. Life doesn't stop for our ex's.

    10. Get off your lazy a** and stop thinking about them. Meet new people. If the ex wants to meet up with you and you already have plans... TELL THEM. Be nice about it, but tell them that although it was nice hearing from them, you have to get going and YOU will talk to THEM soon. Now they are waiting for YOUR call. See where this is going?

    Look, it's all about reversing the situation. It's not really a game because it's all about getting YOU back. You are prize and the ex has to earn you the same why they did when you first met them. You have options. Granted, you want to be with them, but they don't need to know that.

    Keep your value and they'll feel lucky to be with you.

    NC is definitely the way to go in the beginning. But once you get your confidence back, you can start talking to them and make them realize that they made a bad decision to let you go. Don't ever show weakness. Be kind and be cordial, but give them a reason to want you. You are a fabulous person. They need to be reminded of that.

    The biggest mistake I have seen on this forum where people are in contact with their ex's is when they start trippin on "where this is going". STOP!
    It's going where nature intends it to go. Relax and just enjoy each other. If they don't call for a couple of days.. just relax. Go out and do your own thing. YOU HAVE A LIFE! Live it. You life doesn't begin or end with when your ex is available or when they call you back.

    In the first stages of reconciliation, YOU tell them when YOU are available. If they say, "let's get together on Friday for coffee and catch up". Well, if you're living your own life, you'll most likely already have plans.. so tell them that although you would love to meet them, you already have plans for the weekend. Then YOU suggest the following weekend. This should not be a game if you are truly living your own life and making plans with friend and family in advance.

    Our VALUE is key to this. We all know how cool, hot, sexy, smart, etc. we all are. At one time, our ex's thought the same thing. During the course of the relationship, we lost that and they saw it. This is a relationship killer. Be the prize they want to win.

    I have had some interesting developments with my ex, but I don't want to jinx anything by writing it in this forum. Let's just say that I am a freakin' prize and he know it

    Good luck everyone. Reconciliations ARE possible. The reason why they fail is because of US.. NOT them. Get your crap together and you'll no longer have to visit this site again.

    p.s. Stop playing game. Let go of your pride, ego and bitterness. If the ex comes "fishing", remain open minded and stop acting like a victim that is being toyed with. The ex's can sense this and it's a MAJOR turn off.

    Keep your head and keep your cool.

  2. #2
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    excellent post TM!

  3. #3
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    Thakn you! That post is very inspirational to me. I blew it hard in the first while and a bit after. But since I have got my * * * * together, and have gotten to a somewhat LC level with my ex and things are moving ok. I want her back, and I will be doing all of that.

    come to think of it, that's what shes' doing! she always leaves instant message convos before me! I HAVE TO DO IT! IM GONNA WIN

  4. #4
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    lol I really need to get more of a life I think

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by TMinCali
    Good luck everyone. Reconciliations ARE possible. The reason why they fail is because of US.. NOT them. Get your crap together and you'll no longer have to visit this site again.
    I THINK THIS IS CRAP!

  7. #6
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    Has all of this gotten your ex back?

  8. #7
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    I don't think he's guarenteeing anything.. He's saying the chances are better if you do these things. And it makes sense.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by TMinCali
    I have had some interesting developments with my ex, but I don't want to jinx anything by writing it in this forum. Let's just say that I am a freakin' prize and he know it
    I think your developments will be well received... Please tell more.
    Last edited by thinkstoohard; 10-24-2007 at 02:08 AM.

  10. #9
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    Amen. Amen!

  11. #10
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    ...............

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