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Thread: This is why you don't have your ex back

  1. #21

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    Originally Posted by TMinCali

    Good luck everyone. Reconciliations ARE possible. The reason why they fail is because of US.. NOT them. Get your crap together and you'll no longer have to visit this site again.

    p.s. Stop playing game. Let go of your pride, ego and bitterness. If the ex comes "fishing", remain open minded and stop acting like a victim that is being toyed with. The ex's can sense this and it's a MAJOR turn off.

    Keep your head and keep your cool.

    This is of course if you want you ex back, if it is going to do you harm again being in a toxic, emotionally abusive and wrong relationship and just were not fully compatiable with each other, but yet you still miss the good times, then why would you want to remain open minded about your ex and them contacting you.

    Another point, some people will come to this site still long after healing, why, well company, perhaps they forged some bonds with people on here or perhaps just for a little reassurance every now and again.

  2. #22
    Member Betty Boop's Avatar
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    TMin Cali

    What if my husband, who left me in June, is in love with someone else? where do I go to compete with the 'love' he says he has for her?

    I have been NC for a week, it's very difficult. I took this option to gain some control over my life, but it doesn't make me feel any better that he is in love with someone else, doesn't that make it more difficult to get someone back.

  3. #23
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    TMinCali

    This is a great post.

    I think one of the biggest problems is that people make contact too soon - before they have properly picked themselves back up. I know my contact with my ex was way too soon...had it been now, I would have dealt with it very differently.

    My ex "had to" pick up a couple of things he'd left at my house about 3 months after we broke up. He wanted to pick them up, and I figured maybe he wanted to see me. We hung out for a couple of hours, but I ended up getting a bit too emotional. Not desperate or needy, but spending that much time with him, when everything was still a bit raw in my mind, was too soon.

    Now, another couple of months on, sure I'd like to see him, but I've got lots of good stuff going on. And I've finally not only realised, but accepted, that there will be soomeone great out there for me, and I will meet that person. It may or may not be my ex.

    So NC is important to keep while you're still healing. Otherwise the contact will be too soon.

  4. #24
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    I would mostly go along with TMinCali's list, with the exceptions mentioned earlier. I've seen similar work before with others and myself. Often when it wasn't planned that way.

    I will say selkie's subterfuges can backfire. It does depend on the man. If he's anyway clued in, he will spot that stuff. I and my friends had similar mojo worked on us. The "mistaken" call or text you can generally spot a mile off. Doesn't mean you won't respond, especially if you've any second thoughts, but it does tell the guy you're still interested. Leaving the phone on in the nightclub is devious though. Kudos for that. I had one woman send me a few texts over a couple of weeks, that were supposedly meant for another. The problem being that the other's name would have been far away from mine in her phone address book. Things that make you go Hmmmm indeed.

    Originally Posted by Betty Boop
    I have been NC for a week, it's very difficult. I took this option to gain some control over my life, but it doesn't make me feel any better that he is in love with someone else, doesn't that make it more difficult to get someone back.
    Stay in NC for your own sake as you said. Them being in love with someone else is not always the end. It depends on so many factors. How quick did this start, how long did they know each other before, how far apart were you when the split happened? Generally the faster this stuff happens the more likely they are to split down the line. That can take months or years though, so there's no point in banking on that and holding your own life back.

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  6. #25
    Member Betty Boop's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zorba


    Stay in NC for your own sake as you said. Them being in love with someone else is not always the end. It depends on so many factors. How quick did this start, how long did they know each other before, how far apart were you when the split happened? Generally the faster this stuff happens the more likely they are to split down the line. That can take months or years though, so there's no point in banking on that and holding your own life back.
    Hi Zorba

    I don't want to hijack this thread, my story:


    He had being seeing her since January this year, left me in June, she's married with teen children I think.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Zorba
    I would mostly go along with TMinCali's list, with the exceptions mentioned earlier. I've seen similar work before with others and myself. Often when it wasn't planned that way.

    I will say selkie's subterfuges can backfire. It does depend on the man. If he's anyway clued in, he will spot that stuff. I and my friends had similar mojo worked on us.


    It's fine if they spot it for what it is. Just don't own up to it.
    If the ex still has feelings at all they'll be intrigued or amused. They'll feel positive.
    If the ex has negative feelings towards you, sending accidental communications will just leave them cold as they already were.
    But the dumpee will save face.
    And Ive had a couple exes to the same to me and I actually found it cute.
    I knew they REALLY were thinking of me but it took pressure off of having to instantly respond.
    In fact one of them just did this to me two days ago.
    IMd me to ask me if I had sent him text messages to his cell.
    When he knows perfectly well I dont have his new cell number since we broke up 5 months ago.
    So I asked him what the messages said and he is bad at lying so he fumbled and said he forgot already.
    And this from a guy who went to Yale. lol.

  8. #27
    Silver Member selkie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Betty Boop
    TMin Cali

    What if my husband, who left me in June, is in love with someone else? where do I go to compete with the 'love' he says he has for her?

    .

    If they're dating someone else. Full no contact.
    If they're single , only then, do I advocate LC.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by selkie
    And this from a guy who went to Yale. lol.
    You can bring a horse to water....

    Yep a bit dumb alright, not having a response ready. God that would put me right off if a woman was that slow on the uptake.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by selkie
    If they're dating someone else. Full no contact.
    If they're single , only then, do I advocate LC.
    I'd go along with that. Then again I haven't in the past. Actually most of the couples I know that got back together(and it lasted) were in limited contact even when they were seeing other people. Sometimes to the other peoples chagrin. Ok it may have worked for me and them, but this wasn't a marriage situation. Big diff.

    In Betty Boop's case I do think stepping back, waaaay back is the best option to get her own head together first.

  11. #30
    Silver Member selkie's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Zorba;1946539]You can bring a horse to water....

    Yep a bit dumb alright, not having a response ready. God that would put me right off if a woman was that slow on the uptake.

    Well in a way I like that he's not so slick.
    He's supposed to be smarter than me but I can outwit him.

    I replied Uh-huh after he said he didnt recall the (imaginary) messages...
    To wit he asked if I was mad at him still.

    And I replied I was still reviewing things and for him to take care of himself.

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