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Thread: This is why you don't have your ex back

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by bildit00
    Has all of this gotten your ex back?
    Like I said, I don't want to jinx anything by writing it in this forum.

    Most importantly, it has gotten ME back. I'm the sh*t and anyone that I meet will be lucky to have me. If/when the ex comes back, he/she will see the person they originally fell in love with.

    People on this forum are very hurt, bitter and cautious. This is probably good to give them the perspective to truly see the relationship they were in, but if they are looking for reconciliation, they seriously need to find themselves again. At one time, they were fabulous and on top of the world.

    When we get insecure in a relationship, we become someone our ex's didn't know existed. They start to second guess if we're worthy of being with them. We now need to turn the tables and not only let them know that we are worthy, but THEY are worthy of US. We have so much power (mostly women). We had something that made our ex's falll head over heals for us. We lost that. It's up to us to find that again and be that prize.

    I know alot of people won't agree with what I say. I believe these are the people that still feel like victims. Just remember.. WE did something that changed our minds about our ex's. We are very much as responsible for the demise our our relationships as our ex's. We now need to get them to the point where they feel we are someone they simply cannot live without. We are awesome, valuable and we have a standard for person that gets to have us.

    For those that want to still remain negative and cautious.. I do wish you the best. As long as you are a victim, you will always wait for someone to prove to you that you are worthy. If you already feel that way without them, then naturally they will be drawn to you. Ex or not... you will attract people that will WANT to be with you because they want to experience your awesome life.

    Stop being a victim.. stop being suspicious, and open your mind. Understand WHY our ex's "fish". Understand WHY they ask to be friends. They're not toying with us.... they obviously are thinking about us and seeing if we're still the same nutballs they left to being with. Act like a nutball and you chances are gone for good. Act like an uncaring, bitter ex and their fishing days are done. They've got their answer... you really never cared.

  2. #12
    Gold Member dreamguy's Avatar
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    I don't think it's crap at all. Most points in TMinCali's original post are valid.

    But I have to disagree with you when you say "The reason why they fail is because of US.. NOT them."

    Sometimes an ex is just too proud/stubborn/immature to allow for a reconciliation to happen.
    Sometimes two persons aren't made to be happy together.

    What you have to realize is that you can never be a loser if you do those things she mentioned. Even if you do not get back your ex you will be utterly transformed into a better, stronger and much more mature individual who will attract people even better than your ex.

  3. #13
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    I think the point I"m trying to make is that when/if our ex's make contact with us, we need to be sure we are in the right place for reconciliation.

    It's at that point that the reconciliation fails or succeeds, so yes, it is up to US to make that happen.

    Ex's don't fish because they are bored. I know alot of people will say this on this forum, but I seriously don't believe that. They're looking for a reason to have second thoughts. If we blow it, it's done. They'll be satisfied with their decision to break up.

    The victims on this forum will see that as evil and callous. And it's unfortunate that their response to their ex's "fishing" caused the reconciliation process to hault.

    It's absolutely up to us to remind our ex's that we are the fabulous people they fell in love with. Who else's responsibility would it be??

    If you blow it, it's on you. Don't blame your ex's for not returning your call. You obviously gave them a reason not to.

    What I see most in this forum is that when guys that were dumped have their ex's contact them, they act like they don't care. Let me clue you in on something... Almost ALWAYS.. women leave men when they feel taken for granted or unappretiated. This is why many women will be in a new relationship almost immediately after a breakup. There was already a guy in the wings that was sweeping them off their feet and doing all of the things that you were FAILING to do.

    When they come fishing again, it's because they really do LOVE you and are hoping that you'll show them that you CAN be the guy to give them that appreciation. When you act standoffish and cold when they "fish", they make their decision to be with the guy that is giving them the attention they were lacking in your relationship.

    It's a sad reality, but unfortunately, it IS reality.

    Women want to feel loved and appreciated.... keep doing your games of wanting them to pursue you and the game is over. It just doesn't happen. Women are not wired that way.

    I know I'll catch crap for saying this, but it's really time to take responsibility for WHY our ex's left us and to do something about it.

    Stay a victim and you'll become a "Gold Member" on this site.

    Good luck all.

  4. #14
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    I have completely stopped contacting my ex.. whenever we talk it's becuase of her.

    But on the side, now and then il send her an email of a youtube video of her favourite kind of dog playing around or something like that.

    Not pressuring, just reminding her in a friendly way that I know her, and know what makes her happy and I can be that person for her still. But without pressuring. I see no problem in that.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Silver Member selkie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TMinCali
    Like I said, I don't want to jinx anything by writing it in this forum.

    Most importantly, it has gotten ME back. I'm the sh*t and anyone that I meet will be lucky to have me. If/when the ex comes back, he/she will see the person they originally fell in love with.

    People on this forum are very hurt, bitter and cautious. This is probably good to give them the perspective to truly see the relationship they were in, but if they are looking for reconciliation, they seriously need to find themselves again. At one time, they were fabulous and on top of the world.



    Great thoughts you've gleaned from what you've seen posted here.
    I've mulled over a lot of posts and people are very raw when they come here.
    Finding yourself & seeing your value are key.

    Being and seeming a little bit in love with yourself is a very healthy thing.
    It can only attract the ex.
    Seeming like a sad, whiney, petulant and hopeless nattering doormat will only repel them.

    I wish people would drum it into their heads that wearing their heartbreak on their sleeves will only illicit pity from their exes.

    I dance, do yoga and used to model. I KNOW how to carry myself and walk proudly.
    You need your exes to only view you as a confident fulfilled person.


    One of my exes who wants me back sees me in public a lot and it apparently gets to him. I was a little gurgling brook of overflowing emotions when we were together and now he is impressed I look so "regal, lovely and serene around town'
    If you can't run into them in person, then whenever they contact you via phone or email or facebook or IMs or myspace or Virb or sykpe you better act happy and that your world is FINE.


    If you are going nuts and somehow must break no contact, make that contacting them seem accidental.
    I'm not above subterfuge ....
    Things that I or my friends or my friends friends have done when we were tearing out our hair and just had to contact the exes:


    1. Dial their number from your cell while out with friends at a party or club.
    Instead of speaking on the phone, simply laugh and talk happily with friends and say (loud enough to be heard 'accidentally on the cell) Yes Im so happy this is fun!' (Ex wondered what great time dumpee was having and got in touch thereafter.)

    2. CC or Blind CC them an email addressed to several other real or bogus email addresses that appears to be a mass email to 'friends'
    Announce an accomplishment, a new youtube video of yourself, a party invite, new pictures you have, whatever. Just send them an email 'indirectly' that makes your life sound great right now.


    3. Accidentally IM them. If they IM back apologise cheerily... something like oops! or wow too much to juggle -sorry...If they try to strike up a conversation, say great, one second..... Wait 2 minutes than log offline.


    Sounds immature I know but the 3 above scenarios actually worked for myself and others on different occasions. LOL.
    Last edited by selkie; 10-24-2007 at 04:01 AM. Reason: .

  7. #16
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    Crows.. why did she break up with you?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by TMinCali
    Crows.. why did she break up with you?
    We had got into some arguments and it seemed to affect her. Right after i got back from my las vegas trip (which she was fine with) things were never better between us for about two weeks.. just amazing. Then one night she called me while i was at my buddies house to say "i wanted to call you to tell you that I was gonna go out for coffee with an ex co worker but I thought it would be a date for him so I didn't go.. and I just thought you should know"

    Now that is fishy.. very fish like. It seemed at the time she was trying to make me jealous, and we got into a big argument that night which rapidly progressed her breaking up with me. First it was a break, then she broke up with me, then got back together with me, then broke up with me again over the phone.

    Her reasons were "it wasn't working" and that "i hurt her" in the arguments.

    During our conversations during the break up period, she would say "i don't know what to do"

    oddly enough everything was amazing just days before our 6 month, and she was making it a huge deal, thinking of romantic things to do. Planning a nice candle lit bath etc.

    She has mentioned several times almost hinting she isn't doing too well.

    I suspected she had feelings for a guy she was going to a night class with, but there doesn't seem to be anything there, ive looked into it.
    Last edited by Crows; 10-24-2007 at 04:08 AM.

  9. #18
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    Crows.. you need to read between the lines. Why do you think she told you about an ex the wanted to have coffee with her? To me, it's not brain surgery, but I seriously want to know what you think about that comment?

    Also, did you go out with your buddies often? If so, what things did you do with her that were special and endearings? Be honest and do some serious soul searching before answering that.

  10. #19

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    Your only moving backwards.

    Moving forward and forgetting about him is a step forward, to being a new person, being more independent and being a whole lot closer to a much happier life.

    Theres reasons why you weren't meant to be with a certain person and thats a break up. NO NEED to try to drag it on when you are not fully there anymore.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by TMinCali
    Crows.. you need to read between the lines. Why do you think she told you about an ex the wanted to have coffee with her? To me, it's not brain surgery, but I seriously want to know what you think about that comment?

    Also, did you go out with your buddies often? If so, what things did you do with her that were special and endearings? Be honest and do some serious soul searching before answering that.
    Well it was not coffee with an "EX BF" it was coffee with someone she worked with apperently. Again... at the time I felt she was trying to make me jealous and maybe to let me know that she had "other" options. I feel it could have been a signal saying I was taking her for granted.

    I didn't go out with my buddies alot. We had a really good mutual respect for that. She would hang out with her friends and I would mine once a week, and that would be fine. It wasn't out... it was just chilling at my buddies place watching hockey.

    As for stuff I did for her that was endearing? She had some baggage from previous years with her and I stuck with her through some really rough periods. I was there for her all the time at her side when she cried. She told me I eased her mind and that (and still says this) that ( I'm the only one that understands her) That's what attracted her most to me she said. Was that I always cared and always was there to help her up when she was having bad weeks or days etc.

    I felt I was a rock for her to hold on to. I'm a very calm , respecting personality which she had not known in previous relationships. She told me what endeared her most was becuase I respected her and didn't judge her for her previous issues in her life. We are very compatible people.. very similar sense of humour, we match so well in so many ways. She always felt scared of being hurt again by another bf, and I guess she felt scared when we had a couple arguments.

    Shes also had alot of uncertanty about her career path which I think may have been a source for breaking it off as well. She was very concerned with going to med school. She has recently stated she isn't going to med school anymore but becoming a teacher.
    Last edited by Crows; 10-24-2007 at 04:44 AM.

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