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Thread: "I thought we were breaking up" Please read.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Texas
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    "I thought we were breaking up" Please read.

    I am a divorced mother and I have been dating the same man for the past 5 years. He first beacame my son's friend when they first met (my son was 6 at the time). He never tried to be his father, but it eventually a bond was formed and he bacame my child's "dad". He has always stated that he was not sure if he would ever get married. He was honest about that. His parents wnet through a messy divorced. I think played a big part in his feelings about marriage.

    Late last year he bought me an engagement ring and we built a home together. We had adopted pets and moved in together. It seemed like we were a pretty happy family.

    Lately he has been spending quite a bit of time (both in and out of work) with a female co-worker. She is engaged too and he claims they are only buddies.

    The other night he went out for a work function and this woman was there. He didn't come in until 1:30 (am). I was worried, since he didn't bother to call and his cell was turned off. We ended up talking until 4 in the morning. The last thing he said was "Maybe we should just end this."

    I went to work yesterday and was miserable. The fear of losing the love of my life and my son's father figure was crushing.

    He came home last night and said "I thought we were breaking up." We talked (I cried) and it boils down to he loves me. He loves my child. He just doesn't know if he is "in love" with me. He told me that he has feelings as a friend and possibly more for the co-worker & the probably feels the same way.

    I am feeling so lost and do not know what to do. Is this worth trying to salvage or fight for????

  2. #2
    Member
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    Oct 2007
    Location
    Texas
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    Thanks for the kinds words and support. I was thinking about taking my son and going to my mother's house for a few days.

    *sigh*

    I'm not scared to let go. I am worried about how this will affect my son.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
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    First, I am so sorry. Second, Welcome!!!

    I think I have to get off these boards. This crap seems to happen every day.

    I know a little about how you feel, because I went through some of this with me ex-GF and the feelings she had regarding it and she left after 3.5 months, because I don't think she was ready and needs time to fully recover.

    She went through something VERY similar. I won't go into it, because it is her business and she is my ex now as of Sunday and I think she might be going back.

    Opinions I might give (from listening) is,

    1) I would say is that if you guys can work anything out via counseling and if he will try, which it does not sound like he is ready, then go for it.

    2) My belief is once a cheater always a cheater, which was my experience with my ex-wife. Note: I know of a couple whereas he cheated and they stayed together and are still together (happy? - I don't know.)

    3) If you stayed together, could you put the cheating out of your mind. I know I couldn't, but I am of the thought that once you break the bonds, they are broken. I know that my ex believes that God thinks a marraige should stay together and I am sure he does, but I am not God and I could never touch someone who had been touching someone else and saying to them what they said to me.

    4) Has there EVER been any other signs of control issues. I ask, because cheating can be involved with other issues and a sense that there is a loss of control at the home or from my understanding, is a form of control. In what I have seen, it has always been some issue of control.

    5) I too believe that if he can flat out give up on you and your son, then he IS NOT worth fighting for.

    6) If he leaves, please don't beg him to come back. I know that will be hard, but please try.

    I saw my ex go through SO MUCH pain and all I sould do was NOTHING!!! I wanted to punch that guy in the throat and now she is probably going to go back to him. I just think guys like this, once they get this way, will never be satisfied with what was.

    Good luck and keep posting.


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