What is the use of having children?

serious question

i have been questioned many times by family members when i tell them i dont want kids

they look at me weird for a moment, and when they ask i tell them this

- whats the use

- they cost too much

- what satisfaction could i get from raising a child

- they take up too much time

- they annoy me

- they want too much

so someone please tell me what is the use of having children beacuse i have never wanted any, and i get tired of the salty looks like im saying something wrong.

Well...

From a strictly scientific/evolutionary standpoint, the "use" of having children is the continuation of the species and the continuation of your own genetic data.

Now I'll leave all of the psycho-social-cultural reasons to rear children for everyone else to explain

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. There are far too many children who suffer at the hands of unsuitable parents in the world. If you don't want children and find them to be a hassle and annoying, then by all means, please do not have children. And, just because you don't want children of your own doesn't mean that you can't play a role in other children's lives - nieces and nephews, friend's children, etc.

I've never understood it when people say that children annoy them. Sure, some kids can be little brats, but often that's the result of bad parenting. At the end of the day... at one time, we were children, and we weren't annoying... at least, hopefully not at all times anyway. ;-)

As for satisfaction... you see it in a lot of people with children of all ages. The amazed looks of new parents at how wonderful their bawling bundle of joy is, then later on... the pleasure at their children learning and their achievements in life...

I've never understood it when people say that children annoy them. Sure, some kids can be little brats, but often that's the result of bad parenting. At the end of the day... at one time, we were children, and we weren't annoying... at least, hopefully not at all times anyway. ;-)

 

As for satisfaction... you see it in a lot of people with children of all ages. The amazed looks of new parents at how wonderful their bawling bundle of joy is, then later on... the pleasure at their children learning and their achievements in life...

i do not like children

just being in their presense puts a rash on my bottom, its annoying and half the time i wish they'd shut up/

It's a personal choice. Though I find that my children are very rewarding! Love them to pieces and would never have had it any other way. If you do not like children don't let anyone "force" you to want to.

Yeah... but why? You've never really said why they annoy you. Your argument is something like 'I don't like children because they annoy me... they annoy me, so thereforeeee I don't like them'. Are you telling me, you've never experienced things like a cute little kid asking you some random question, or saying some funny thing that embarrasses the hell out of the parent, which amuses you...

When I was about 15, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't Mommy material.

When I was in my late 20's, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. One of the things that means is it would be very difficult -- if not impossible -- for me to get pregnant anyway. I surprised the doc who broke this news to me by laughing and thanking him. It wasn't the reaction he was used to getting upon breaking the news to a woman that she's, basically, infertile.

Like you, I don't fully understand why someone would want to have kids and be a parent. But I realize that some people relish that kind of responsibility and find it rewarding...and that's cool. Those are the people who should be parents.

I work in a job that is notoriously low-paying, often requires working a lot of weird hours, weekends and holidays, and is also ridiculously unstable. I've been doing this for 25 years and, in spite of all the BS, I still like it. Yet, I know people who thought being a radio DJ would be a neat job, until they found out what the job was really like and ran screaming in the other direction. I couldn't see myself doing anything else.

If you substituted "being a radio DJ" for "having kids/being a parent," that paragraph would still make sense. We all find different things interesting and rewarding.

As for your family members giving you the hairy eyeball when you say you don't want kids....they're entitled to have their opinion (even on stuff that's really none of their business)...and you are equally entitled to ignore them. I know about that "family looking at you weird" thing...after all I remained unmarried until the ripe, old age of 38.

I'm so sorry you feel this way about a little "you". haha...

I'm happy you don't think this way and have children...

*cough*cough (Britney Spears)

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so someone please tell me what is the use of having children beacuse i have never wanted any, and i get tired of the salty looks like im saying something wrong.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have children. They take up nearly all of your time, change your romantic vacations to family holidays, replace happy hour with playtime/soccer practice/school plays, turn Saturday naked day with your lover into "wake up daddy! its time to watch (childrens cartoon)," they are messy, eventually rebellious, and can often lead people to compromise on their life's dreams. I love the freedom in my life and wouldn't want to give that up in the immediate future so it makes sense that some people would wish to maintain this level of freedom for life.

Children are also a product of who you are, the thoughts you represent, and can give your life more purpose. You get to experience their first laugh, their first word, and the first time they walk. (Children are like puppies to a certain extent in that they enrich your life because you get to see all of their first experiences, reactions, emotions, and the development of their personality...) You get to be someone's hero, the 'smartest person in the world,' the piggy back giver, and a constant influence in their life. It is the experience to learn something new about yourself, and adventure with epic victories and the occasional downfall.

I want children, don't have anything against those who don't, and realize that it is a serious decision that changes the entire focus of your life. I think it sounds like a great adventure and look forward to taking that journey!

I'm with you, SBJ... I don't get the whole "larval human" thing either. I'd have kids if I could give them to someone else to raise until they were 25. I like clean, well-behaved kids that are quiet and non-sticky, and go home with their parents (NOT me) when I'm tired of them.

What's the use of having children?

To truly, completely, understand unconditional love.

However if you don't want children, there is nothing wrong with that. No one should tell you otherwise.

I'm not a mother yet. But I do want children in the future. I hope I am blessed with one of each(boy&girl). Like you, Sweet Butta, children annoyed me too. All the crying my niece did when she was first born drove me crazy. But, I still want to experience it. I want to look into their eyes and see mine. I want to have someone that is apart of me and who I am and will be in the future. My niece is my heart. I can't even imagine my life without her. My little sister get's jealous sometimes because she looks so much like me. It's an amazing experience. Especially, when you sharing it with the one you love.

To truly, completely, understand unconditional love.

Exactly! Great Post!

Because they make you smile and look at you with such devotion.

It fills me with satisfaction.

I may not be happy with where i presently am in life but i know where i stand with my daughter.

It sounds like you not only do not want children of your own, but that you actually have a disdain for children.

Do you find yourself to be easily angered/generally irritable? Perhaps the problem is deeper than not wanting children...

Because they make you smile and look at you with such devotion.

 

It fills me with satisfaction.

 

Yes! I was a pre-school teacher for two years and am planning on going back to school next fall to get my masters in early childhood education, because, just as you said, it is so rewarding and satisfying.

Being a teacher was the first job I had that made me say, "They are paying me to do this?"

I look forward to being a mother someday, not in the too far distant future!

Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll, I don't understand it when you say children annoy you, that you think of children as retards, socially inept, greedy aggrivating people.

I think you must be looking at things in the completely wrong way. They are developing human beings, and it's the parents job to shape them.

You should be happy when they ask questions, so that you can share your knowledge and help them progress. Children are not automatically greedy (infact it sounds like you may be verging on greedy), needy perhaps, but then that should bring out the instinct of caring in you. You teach the child and you have pride in both the child and yourself.

The annoying way they talk...what? because they don't speak exact english, people actually find that rather cute. Their thought processes...because they are not as intelligent as adults? i don't understand that at all, what is it about their thought processes that you don't like?

The childrens attitude towards everything...perhaps it's the sort of children you know, perhaps they have had bad parenting, there's alot of that these days with increase in consumerism & parents who don't understand restriction.

You dislike children, to me this seems like it is an issue with you and not the children.

If you harbour this kind of hatred for children because they talk funny or seem "retarded" then god knows what you must think about people with mental or physical disabilities. If your expecting children to be perfect little adults then i think you have totally lost the concept of human development.

The main problem here is you don't seem willing to care for a child, you don't seem to have that basic natural instinct of humanity, you said "if you cant do for yourself you get left behind", i find it hard to believe that that is a true reflection of your attitude towards children because as humans we don't treat children like that, other adults yes, but not children.

I work in an elementary school...and I have children as well. I find that adults are stupid and annoying morso than children. Children have lots to learn..and the potential to learn how NOT to be annoying. Many adults are set in their ways and some of their "ways" are way more immature and annoying than childrens are.

You are pretty young and it is normal not to want kids yet. You may change your mind later in life...you may not. I just think that grouping all children into some kind of disgusting category is backwards. There are many ugly, fat, hairy, stupid and annoying adults..who are selfish and smell bad.

It's interesting to me that you believe your children would be greedy, non- stop talkers with a bad attitude, and maybe you are right.

I think you have every right not to breed and there are some people that just shouldn't, just like there are people that should never get married.

It's your right to decide this.

You can tell all those nosy people that you are doing humanity a service, the world is already over populated and our resources are withering down. When you choose not to have children you are doing their children a favor and they should thank you.

...and I have one question. How old are you?

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i do not like children

 

just being in their presense puts a rash on my bottom, its annoying and half the time i wish they'd shut up/

Then it goes without saying that you would wonder how anyone else might want to have them.

Since you don't like them, shouldn't it just be safe to assume that there are people out there your total opposite who love them and that is why they want them?

If eveyrone thought like you we'd end up with no people left on the planet! some think that is a good thing, others don't!

SBJ:

I too am childfree. I am not entirely sure why I find myself mildly repelled by small children. It's not that I hate them, or dislike them...ok, I dislike them. Theyconstantly drool, scream, crap themselves, and destroy things. And yes, I have spent many many hours around all kinds of kids, even my own niece and nephew. They do all kinds of cutesy things, am sure they love their parents, etc. Still doesn't make me wanna have one.

My husband and I are separated, and one of the main reasons is because he judged me as a bad person for having no desire to reproduce. His treatment of me over this issue caused unspeakable pain in our relationship.

As to finding children annoying and the other things you have said, I gotta back you up on that one. My nephew, when I went to visit my brother last month, decided it was a good idea to wash his hands with yogurt and then wipe them on my favorite jeans.

They also smeared butter, peanut butter, jelly, cereal, sugar, mustard, bread crusts, and mayonnaise from one end of the house to the other. I was like, Good Gravy! Glad that's not my new couch! It was even in the cats' fur and on their own hair and clothes. They were constantly filthy no matter what you did - picking up random litter out of the street gutter is a child's favorite pastime, you know. And that was just in the 4 days I saw them. Children are notoriously hard of hearing - that is to say, they are constantly testing your boundaries to see what they can get away with. That means you have to repeat everything at least seventeen times until you finally just snap. And even then they won't stop.

I could tell you more horror stories about my niece and nephew (don't even ask about the grocery store fiasco) and the other tot terrors I have been around, but I think you have enough of your own. So in the final analysis, I like my life the way it is, who needs that kind of hassle?!

Hang in there, sweetie.

--Law

Then it goes without saying that you would wonder how anyone else might want to have them.

 

Since you don't like them, shouldn't it just be safe to assume that there are people out there your total opposite who love them and that is why they want them?

 

If eveyrone thought like you we'd end up with no people left on the planet! some think that is a good thing, others don't!

i dont care if someone else has a child if they want one more power too them. i just dont see why they would want one

I can't understand why you say children seem retarded. This makes me wonder about you, SBJ.

I can understand why you don't want them. They are a lot of work. But there is no reason to be so down on children. I'm sure you were once one yourself.