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Thread: Drinking Problem

  1. #11
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    I think my problem is that I don't see it as a simple difference of preferences. It's not like someone says, "Would you like a Pepsi" and I get ticked that my girlfriend says, "Yes, I'll try it since I've never had it before" just because I don't want to try Pepsi. Clearly that wouldn't bother me, and you could argue that getting tipsy is the same way. "Would you like to get tipsy?"...."Yes, I'll try it since I've never done it before." So it's not just a mere preference she's wanting...maybe I'm just scared that she'll start behaving differently or that I'll have to be a parent to her while she's in her funky state. Sigh....I don't really know.

  2. #12
    Bronze Member mbird's Avatar
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    In my opinion you are being way to controling. Whats worse, using emotional blackmail? or stop someone doing something which is harmless in moderation?

    It's her choice if she wants to have a glass of wine or a beer, you can tell her your opinion but I don't think you should do it to the level that she is crying and upset.

    I'm sorry but I really can't believe this is for real.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Hope75
    How about something like, "Well, it's certainly not for me, but I understand if you want to try it since you haven't before."
    I think this is an excellent solution. Perfectly fair and reasonable.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by 206drybones
    I think my problem is that I don't see it as a simple difference of preferences. It's not like someone says, "Would you like a Pepsi" and I get ticked that my girlfriend says, "Yes, I'll try it since I've never had it before" just because I don't want to try Pepsi. Clearly that wouldn't bother me, and you could argue that getting tipsy is the same way. "Would you like to get tipsy?"...."Yes, I'll try it since I've never done it before." So it's not just a mere preference she's wanting...maybe I'm just scared that she'll start behaving differently or that I'll have to be a parent to her while she's in her funky state. Sigh....I don't really know.
    I think you are jumping the gun here. She hasn't even tried it yet.

    Do you think that perhaps you have a little bit of an issue with control in general? Between not ever wanting to lose control via a drink, and how you're trying to control her... it might be something worth exploring a bit.

    She might very well behave differently after a drink or two. Most people do. But that doesn't mean she will be badly behaved, or need parenting. Are you scared that she will not be controllable by you while drinking?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
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    nothing wrong with having a good time. now if she gets sloppy and is drinking every night, i'd toss in the towel if you can't take it.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    How is it not a preference?

    She has a desire to experiment with something that is pretty common, legal, and reasonable in moderate amounts.

    If you don't want to feel responsible for her, don't. You aren't- she is an adult, (I think, you haven't posted your ages here) and she is capable of making her own choices and being responsible for herself.

    The fact that she is open with you about it and wants to do it in the company of people she knows and trusts is a good thing, if you ask me.

    I wonder if this has more to do with you not trusting her to drink responsibly and to be faithful to you, than it does with her desire to give it a try.

    I enjoy a few drinks every so often with friends, or out to dinner. Sometimes I'll have a beer of a glass of wine at home on my own after work or on a saturday. In fact, we are having a rowdy Halloween costume party at my house this weekend and I expect I'll be pretty tipsy. But I am certainly not an animal, in fact, I am a responsible adult with a college education, a respectable career, my own home... you get the idea.

    It seems you are equating having a few drinks with being a homeless bum who rapes children or something.

    How does having a couple of drinks make you an animal?

  8. #17
    Silver Member Amore's Avatar
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    I'm against drinking for similar reasons that you are (and the fact that at age 18, it's against the law for my boyfriend and me). I understand that it's harmless in moderation, but I'm extremely passionate against me or my boyfriend getting drunk. I've never had a drink, and neither had my boyfriend up until a recent situation.

    My boyfriend and I went on a break a couple of weeks ago because we're college freshmen and wanted to "discover our own people." We're back together now, but I heard from people we live with (we live on the same floor in an on-campus dorm) that he went and drank for the first time the night we broke up. This made me find him extremely unattractive and disgusted by the things he did "while tipsy," for the reasons you mentioned before.

    I know I can't control him, and I have no desire to. But I just wanted to say that I sympathize with the OP; you're not crazy or the only person in the world that feels that way about drinking. Granted, since you're in your mid-20s that it's a little different, since it's legal, but the reasons against getting drunk are the same (not religious, I'm an atheist as well).

    The only thing you can do is let your girlfriend know that this is a passionate belief of yours, and understand that she's not going against you if she decides to drink. That's something I'm dealing with right now - trying to realize that my boyfriend's decision to drink doesn't have anything to do with me. It's their bodies, their decisions, and we have to accept that, as long as it's in moderation and they don't try to force their beliefs about drinking on us.

    Let me know how things go with your girlfriend -- I'm very interested because I'm dealing with such a similar thing.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member mbird's Avatar
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    Well in england we have a much bigger drinking culture, its slightly different in the USA. Also not all people turn into abusive blithering idiots when drunk. Who are loud and irritating. I'm sure you will realise this when you have more experience in the matter.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by MissyM
    Fook me, you've not lived! Lol, just kidding. I want to say "let her try it" but I don't even understand why her drinking would be a decision for you to make!?
    First of all, LOL on the fook me. Secondly, I completely agree with the last line and was wondering the same.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Angel_baby's Avatar
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    I had to reply to this as I HAVE been in your girlfriends shoes before.

    My husband did the same exact thing you are doing and saying to your girlfriend. And I didn't go against him because "I didn't want to disappoint him" or "make him disgusted at me".

    You know what that did after a couple of years??? It built up this dark anger inside of me... this hatred for how my husband was so controlling. It almost broke us up. If it wasn't for us giving it another try because we have a kid together I would've probably thrown in the towel.

    You need to let her try or she will start despising you. Maybe not at first but over time. She already wants to but WON'T because of you. That isn't fair on her. She is her own person and she just wants to try it.

    I tried it and only have a beer like once or twice a year. My husband has since learned to loosen up some. He now knows that he ISN'T my boss and we are both our own people that have different needs.

    How about something like, "Well, it's certainly not for me, but I understand if you want to try it since you haven't before."
    That is the best way to say it as any other way will sound like you are "telling" her not to. Believe me, I've been there and know.

    Loosen up that grip now or you may lose it all when you hit way bigger problems then these. You are risking losing her.

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