Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: separated - help, need to write a love letter

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Unhappy separated - help, need to write a love letter

    We are separated. Husband feels the relatonship problems were all mine and part of it is expressing my emotions. Husband wants me to start writing love letters to prove I can express my emotions. I've tries to write to him how I feel and be expressive, but he doesn't like what I wrote. How do you write a love letter. What do I say to express my emotons. I don't know how to get through to him.

  2. #2
    Xetra Dax

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Love should be unconditional, one shouldn't layer it with all kinds of conditions , and to think a love letter would salvage your marriage is proposterous, however there may be a core of truth in it that you are unable to express your emotions, quite frankly what you wrote here is also disclosed, you will need to tell us everything, and what has happened between you and your husband that send your marriage off the cliffs , you yourself and us here need a far deeper understanding of what has been going on, what dissatisfactions there were from your side and his side, and why you have been unable to express your emotions(maby youth trauma?) if necessary i know ways to get thru to your husband, but yous better start out by writing down all that has happened between the two of you in order for us to make a better assesment so we can repair the damage. Open yourself up and tell us the story.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Timebandit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Try to reflect on how he makes you feel about yourself. If he makes you feel good about yourself, there is basis for a loveletter. If not, then its time to consider breaking the relationship.

    Anyway, I think that it is strange, that he expects you to write loveletters. sounds a bit to forced, if you ask me.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    We were married for 13 years. Got married in early 20's. Moved to a different city after marriage so husband to go to school. Husband worked for ~ 1 1/2 years and then has tried to get his own business started. i have supported us financially for the past 11+ years. Finances has always been a fight, as my husband has 3 degrees and has been trying the business stuff for 11 years without helping out financially. Waited to have a child for 13 years, never bought a house, etc. because couldn't financially and husband didn't want to. Husband says he hasn't been able to get a business going because he never got the support he needed. Felt that I and others were always critical of him and it paralyzed him that he couldn't work. I and family would get frustrated with him and ask questions, but we didn't put him down. There would be suggestions like maybe at 40 years old, he should look at doing other things or get a job, and that would make him irrate. States he never got the love he needed or the sex life he needed. States I am not able to give, be close to anyone, not sexual, emotionally inept and horrible at relationships. He has always blamed me and never taken responsibility for his actions. He got emotionally abusive and verbally abusive eg. calling bad names, calling me down, saying i am a horrible wife, critical, etc. He states he never got anything out of being with me. He wanted me to be more sexual. To be more horny, more expressive during sex, talk dirty. I tried, but it wasn't good enough. I read books he gave me and offered to do the exercises, but he refused to do them. Said it made him too mad. He said I just don't have it. When together, I was more reserved with my feelings and didn't express them as much as I should of. I would get upset with him and be frustrated because it was always ongoing with him not getting it together with getting a business going to help out financially. I never did call him a special name or be really physically affectionate. I never had good role modeling at home growing up of expressing emotion or affection. I have been to counseling to work on being more expressive, affectionate, personal growth and healing. I tell him how I feel, use expression like I feel like..., tell him positive things I like about him, praise him, etc. I share what I've learned about myself and our relationship. I have forgiven myself and him for the mistakes we made in our relationship. My husband still harbors anger, negativity, hatred, distrust, towards me. He refuses to go to counseling because he feels the relationship problems are mine and not his. He feels he communicates fine and expresses his feelings well. He has not forgiven me or himself.
    What do I do to try and salvage this relationship? Is it salvageable?
    We have one small child, and I would like him to have a father. My husband has not seen us for 4 months. He won't come see his son, because then he has to see me. We've been separated 4 months and he said when we separated that he needed to have fun. That for the last 2 years when I was pregnant and we had our child, that he didn't get to go out and have fun. I restricted him from that he says. Since our child was born, he hasn't helped a lot with his care. Changed maybe 2 diapers. Says I have been over worrying about our child and there is always something wrong to think about. I think I am a normal new mother trying to do the best with our child and learning. I do over worry at times.
    I do love my husband. Would like to try again. He says that maybe if I can be expressive and maybe doing that in love letters to him, that could help. He does not write to me however and when I e-mail him, he is short with his replies.
    What do you think now?

  5. #5
    Platinum Member CatsMeeoow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    In The Middle Of It All

    run do not walk...

    this is not your fault... he has manipulated you endlessly...

    you are the core here - the mother, the bread winner.... when do you have time to be emotional with him about anyting?????

    move on - show him you do not need him... get on with your life...

    HE WILL COME RUNNING BACK TO YOU - but hopefully you will be empowered enough to tell him where to go.

    I know how much you are hurting and want to save your family - I've been there... it was a tough 3 yrs on my own with autistic child but I did and I have found happiness and other relationships...

    my ex gained tons of weight... has to be reminded to shower...

    I think 'oh god' that could still be me with him...

    You'll get there sister - hang in there AND it sounds like your family is on your side... let them help you through this process.

    Next love letter to your husband should be the name of your attorney!!!!!!


Top Threads
So having dinner with my ex tonight.
Recap: We dated nearly two years. I dumped him by email -- which was crappy of me, but I don't do conflict well. He was never able to say he loved
Really Confused! Is my Ex stringing me along?
my ex gf of 10 years broke up with me 2 months ago. Gave the same old i love you but i don't love you, my feelings are gone etc etc etc i begged
My ex girlfriend has just unfriended me on Facebook. Why? Need some advice!!!!
Hey guys, This is my first post on here...well anywhere really. I'll give you guys the short version... Basically, I've been with the love of my
He acts sad/angry around me... what does it mean?
Hey guys, I don't know if you remember me, my ex dumped me a month ago and we're in the same class same group of friends etc. I was miserable the
Ever Gone Back?
Have any of you left a girl you knew was great for you (perfect wife & mother material) but left because after a couple years you felt a bit bored
What's the best way to contact an ex gf after almost a year of nc?
We dated for a year and we loved each other very much. Different colleges and long distance set her apart. She broke up with me and it ended messy. I
She asked to meet up and we did, should I ask to meet up again?
Background info: - We were together for 1.5 years and broke up 10 weeks ago. She broke up with me saying she ''loved me but didn't feel in love

online counseling
Featured Threads
Need feedback, criticism from the men here *long*
I want to vent cuz this is bugging the hell out of me me even though I should be happy to move on. I want the perspective of men here because I feel
Should I be concernd about my ex's guy being around my son?
I was married to the girl of my dreams for 16 years until she met a guy in a cooking chatroom. The question I have is can I trust this guy with our
Struggling to figure out if she likes me or not?
I really fancy her and I still struggle with all the attraction sign things. I chose to sit at the table that I knew she'd be, because her friend
So having dinner with my ex tonight.
Recap: We dated nearly two years. I dumped him by email -- which was crappy of me, but I don't do conflict well. He was never able to say he loved
2 dates but now a new girl on the scene.
Been a while since I posted here, had a break from dating really, off all OLD and just thought I'd let fate do its thing. about a month ago I got
What are the chances that she could have gotten pregnant?
I met up with an ex from 5 years ago and in the heat of the moment we had unprotected sex. Now here are the facts: - She is 27, I'm 29. - She
Marrying someone with different level of religion understanding
Say, you're an orthodox religious man and your potential spouse has the same religion as you but with much lower level of practice and knowledge

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts