"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "Out of sight out of mind"?

Which of the 2 sayings would people think to be the most likely after a break up in a period of no contact?

I know everyone is different, but I was just wondering if anyone with experiences of a break up would know if the less you see someone the more you think of them or the less you think of them?

(Im just wondering if my ex is likely to forget about me during this period or if not seeing me will make her want me back)

It all depends on what your motivation for being apart is. If you are apart because of work or other situations beyond your control and you are in a commited relationship then I would think you would grow more fond. If you breakup and want to be alone then I think it would help you get over it.

That being said, in our society of instant gratification, being away from your woman/man can cause a wedge to form. Just ask all the single soldiers out in the world who are getting dumped constantly by their other because they grow board. Our society is pretty lame like that.

Hi Jimbot07,

I tend to believe that in many cases it is "out of sight, out of mind". My ex broke up with me more than a couple months ago and I don't think about her nearly as often now and I miss her much much less than when we first broke up. Now, in my situation she did some really crappy things towards the end to make me very angry and so that anger and hurt has helped me to move on easier. But I still tend to believe that the longer we go with no contact that we'll be further and further out of each other's minds...and that is honestly perfectly fine with me now. If you're trying to get over someone like I was...do what I did...get rid of any pictures of her, block or delete her from any instant messengers. Remove her from myspace along with any people in common so you don't see her posting on someone else's myspace page. Basically erase her from your life in any way possible and also get involved with something that you love doing and really throw yourself into it. Doing all this makes moving on so much easier. I was totally destroyed and heartbroken just a couple months ago and now I'm so so much better. Trust me, all this stuff works.

Thanks ekloot, the thing is as much as I want to get over her, I dont at the same time, as I want her back!!

So I cant bear the thought of just cutting her out of my life, as I still want her in it as she is such an amazing person.

Im guessing I was just hoping that not hearing from me for a while would make her want me back.

I personally think it depends on the person you dated. If they are selfish then they can just move right along and the thought of you diminishes. If they broke up because they felt suffocated contacting them only makes it worse instead of them forgetting you or thinking fondly of you they will despise you and hate you for not being able to let them go. Memory is self serving, in time when you look back on an experience you tend to remember the good. so if you leave it at the NC and you guys really did have strong feelings they will remember you in a good way and come back in time if thats what they want or even just respect you and respect what you once had. If you try and contact them I can tell you it only makes it worse and they will only think of that ending stretch where you were so annoying and not be able to think of the good.

They won't just forget you if you don't contact them. Contacting won't all of a sudden remind them of you. They know ur there. Furthermore, if you have to remind them of your existence and try and persuade them to come back to you they were never worth ur time.

To answer your question in my personal experience I have found that time apart makes me miss them more. Absense can make the heart grow fonder.

I think that its better to cut them out if you want a larger chance of them coming back because you give them a chance to miss you.

I cut off contact with someone and every day I think of him less and less although there are moments when I really miss him. I don't think that your feelings die but I think it makes it easier. Less and less contact is bound to happen and the sooner you can speed the process of getting over them, the better.

If they get over you, they get over you. I mean, whether or not you were around them or not around them, if they allow that to happen in both scenarios they just plain aren't right for you.

I miss him still though. Its so much easier now than it was when I was always talking to him.

Wow. That was really good! You got into the mind of the person tempted to contact someone and dispelled teh common arguments for why we should.

i agree 100% with espirus. could not have put it better.

i have not yet experienced being in a relationship or dating someone, and completely forgetting them just because i didnt see them again, then again i dont know if it is just me who is like that.

me and my ex have been split up (he dumped me) for 7 weeks now and i miss him like crazy. we never contacted each other since.

i dumped a guy in march 07, and now about 6 months later i am remembering him again wondering if i made the wrong decision. at that time i thought it was right yet now i wonder if maybe we gave it another try things may work out since he really was a nice guy.

i dumped him, then tried to talk to him but he ignored my advances. then we spoke a few months ago on MS about work. but he seems to have gotten himself back and he seems more attractive now.. NC definatly works. and it makes the heart grow fonder unless you and your ex did things that are somewhat unforgivable (cheating, stealing, lying). they will also think of you less if they have somene new, yet it wont stop them remembering you.

i don't know on this one. i've done all the right things: no contact whatsoever, getting rid of his stuff, mailing his stuff back to him, etc. but 5.5 weeks since the breakup and i miss him a LOT more than i did during the first couple of weeks. it's really hitting me now that this is over and i have no move on. i think i skipped the initial grieving stage and it's catching up to me. i think distracting yourself is an ok idea, but eventually i think you have to work through the pain and allow yourself to hurt.

granted, he hasn't contacted me in 5.5 weeks either. it could easily be 'out of sight out of mind' for him. it's very hard to predict how people handle things when you aren't speaking to them. a lot of people will say "well, he's obviously not thinking about you or missing your or he would contact you." but i think that's a silly thing to say. i think about him a lot, and just because i'm not contacting him doesn't change that. not talking to your ex simply means not knowing *anything*, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it!).

no contact has helped me recongize things about myself that i *have* to work on regardless of him, so i think the pros outweigh the cons.

adore