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Thread: 4those in LTR & no marriage- whats YOUR reason?

  1. #1
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    4those in LTR & no marriage- whats YOUR reason?

    just curious....i guess this has been a debate amongst me and my girlfriends AND guy friends.... im sure there are women out there who DONT want to get married either. but im just curious to know what the reason for frigid feet may be?

    the top 3 reasons me and my friends came up with (i guess in no particular order..) are:

    1. Horrible previous relationship experience
    2. Wants to have options open
    3. In the relationship more for comfort & does not feel the necessity of marriage

    what are YOUR reasons? im curious to know...

    thx!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    I had a fine marriage, but once is enough.
    Options don't interest me.
    If someone wants to be with you they will, contract or not.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    I didn't get married until about a month after my 38th birthday.

    I didn't see marriage as desirable option for myself until I was, oh, 35 or 36.

    For the most part, I liked being single. I liked not having to answer to anybody, not having to consult with anyone about what to do, where to go, or when/where/what to eat. I didn't/don't want kids, so there went that reason to get hitched. I liked getting to know me...likes, dislikes, quirks, weirdness and all. I liked living alone...things were where I left them, and if there were dirty dishes in the sink, I knew who left them there.

    I did a lot of work on myself (therapy) and in the end, learning how to be a better person also served to make me a better (healthier) partner.

    In my mid-30's something changed, though, and I just knew I was ready to share my life with someone and build a life with someone.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Nixee's Avatar
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    I like Dako's word... 'contract'

    I think a lot of people who feel this way feel that a commitment doesn't have to be legalized to be valid.

    I think past relationships and parents' relationships come into play as well. If you have witnessed a nasty divorce between loved ones or been through one yourself, its a lot easier to say "no thank you"

    I personally don't feel a huge need for it, even though my parents are still married and I haven't been married before. But I'm also not really religious, so maybe that has to do with it as well.

    .... of course, when it comes down to it, I probably will at least for tax benefits if things feel really right haha

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Shin kensen's Avatar
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    I know a couple who don't get married because they don't agree that the Government has to be involved with personal relationships. I agree that it is a good reason and marriage doesnt really (to most people, ofc. excluding religious nuts and government types) validate your r.ship.

  7. #6
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    I don't believe in it. Institutions are for people who feel unstable. I don't need a contract to validate my feelings or maintain my interest in a commitment that I have chosen to make in my heart, mind, and soul.

  8. #7
    1. This is the BIG ONE "FINANCIALLY" we're not ready...
    2. Still in college...
    3. No savings to even have a wedding
    4. We still drive around in hoopty's...there's no way we're having a wedding, before I have a nice vehicle...haha...-->Just kiddn'
    5. He says we're too young...but I don't get this, could someone explain?? I mean, we live together, basically are living like we're married, so what's age got to do with it?

    These are pretty much "OUR" excuses...and pretty darn GOOD ones at that...!!

    I bet you there will be a lot of excuses like these...but are they really excuses or are they just terms that most marriages go by?....

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Alezia's Avatar
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    1. We're going to have a kid soon, I personally want to put all my money towards there instead of a big cake and a poofy dress.
    2. I haven't completed school yet / need to be better off financially.
    3. I still haven't received any romantic date so I'm not getting engaged till I get one
    4. Neither I or my boyfriend are religious
    Last edited by Alezia; 08-31-2007 at 05:18 PM.

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    Marriage has simply never interested me, to me it's just a piece of paper: Not trying to invalidate anyone else's marriage here, it has no meaning to ME personally, i'm not saying it doesn't have meaning in an objective sense. For instance, if you are religious, I can really imagine wanting to make your vows before God.

    However, I view my commitment to my partner as seriously as a marriage commitment, and would love to spend the rest of my life with him. If it becomes the fiscally wiser option, you can get a cohabitation contract here that gives you the same legal status as a married couple.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member redrose85's Avatar
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    1. We're still really young.

    2. He wants both of us to be done college and have real careers first (so, financial)

    3. Kids will probably come a year or two after marriage, and we're not ready for that yet. If I were to get married now, I would start wanting kids really soon probably.

    4. A big one for me is that I don't have my license, and he is the only one of us who has a car. I don't think I'll feel like a true adult, until I'm behind the wheel of my very own car. He is looking for a nicer, newer car, and is ready to part with his junky old tercel. I see that as a sign that he is getting more mature.

    5. Also, we'd both ideally like to own our first home before getting married.

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