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Thread: Small Penis- a question for the men...

  1. #21
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Hey Carl, I want to answer a number of points you made, which I highlighted in bold here. I will try to go in order, but may skip around a bit.

    First of all, I'd agree with the statement that a man who finds himself celibate (not by choice) and filled with anger and hatred, and is suffering with extremely low self-esteem about the size of his genitals DOES have some deeper issues going on. To illustrate, the man I was with before my well-hung ex had what many consider a "double-whammy" for a man's sense of "he-man-ness": he was short AND had a 4.5 inch penis. He stood at 5'4" and I, at 5'6", so he was shorter than me (though with a solid body frame, so it compensated a bit.) He was extremely inexperienced for someone his age (early 30's) when we started going out, and though he hadn't been told nasty and rude things by women, he was brainwashed enough by the hype to think that he didn't measure up between the legs. Well, as I referred to him in another post, he eventually got over this self-consciousness during our relationship and I feel he no longer even has this hang-up about his size (he was with a woman after me who also didn't prefer large ones.) The bottom line though is, he was and is not CRIPPLED emotionally about this. He still valued himself and was and is an upbeat person with a lot of natural self-confidence. He was a bit shy at first in this area, but it's not like he rested his whole sense of manly value upon it. Once I made my desires and appreciation known (I expressed as much appreciation for his as for the well-endowed one!), he started to realize that it wasn't an issue for me, so why should it be for him. It's exactly like large breasts -- more is not better for MOST men, it is the person that has the breasts that matters, and for only a few men does this really make a difference. Perhaps some men like them big, but no mature man in his right mind who wants a significant relationship will add in breast size anywhere in the tally of "things I dream of for my soulmate." I would not list penis size anywhere in my list of qualities I want my partner to possess (except that I would probably prefer not to have someone as big as the last because it hurt me and I don't want a life of sometimes painful sex. Though it's still not a dealbreaker, love is not about organ proportions and there is always a creative way to work around things like this.) But back to my point, the short man with the short peter actually was and is quite a stable, basically happy-with-himself person who is emotionally healthy. I didn't make him this way, he just was this way, even when I first met him. I did not bring him self-esteem, nor did the matter of his penis. By contrast, the man who is my recent ex is not emotionally healthy, very insecure of a person, moody and in ways he did some dastardly things to poison our relationship which in the end made the closeness of sex feel contaminated. And despite his penis size, at 42 he could not hold down a relationship past about a year or so. Which guy do you think has it better? Who do you think has more "other issues" going on? Whose penis do you think wins out at the end of the day?

    If penis size was the be-all-end-all you are cracking it up to be, the panacea of self-esteem, then this guy (my ex) should've been standing at the top of the world.

    As for my statement about my ex feeling "superior to other men walking down the street", I never used the word "superior". I can see where you are misunderstanding me, so let me try to clarify. I said a number of things to him like, in a jokey way, "Don't you just feel like you've got the BEST STUFF walking down the street?" and meant that in a sort of "You know you're hot stuff" way, but not to detract from other fellas. I wasn't making a statement about their inferiority; I was making a statement that he was a fine specimen and wondered aloud if he ever felt that while out there casually, felt proud of his "secret." It was more about boosting his confidence than making a statement that anyone else lacked anything, because that is certainly NOT my position. I was simply saying, you have what some guys would really love to have -- which is true, right? -- but the nature of that statment was to praise him, not diminish anyone else. I think I can compliment him in this department without it being at someone else's expense. So NO -- I don't and didn't expect anyone to feel self-esteem or self-confidence based on his size. That would be very unfortunate from a mental health standpoint. I don't think that anyone should base their self-esteem and worth on anything physical, actually -- though that is so much easier said than done, and I have my own vanities, for sure. But I think that people who have good self-esteem do not rest it on these things. After all, we all age and our bodies change anyway, so our physical bodies are merely a vessel for our spirits and psyches, and that is where your attitude about life really matters in terms of holding down a relationship.

    So for your "adequacy" issues in your relationship, if you are obsessed about your equipment, my feeling is that your penis is the scapegoat for other problems you are having. Focus on them and leave the innocent penis alone! I'm not sure how you can have a good concept of relatioships though if the people/women you've been with have given you the impression that size is "all that men are valued for". And all these women emphasize in announcing their new partners is how "hung" he is. I personally have not heard the comment, "I'm dating this new guy, he's fantastic and he's so well hung." If they did, they would be a gf I don't have much in common with as conversational style goes, I can tell you that!! I don't talk to people who talk like that, to tell you the truth.

    So it seems Carl that you need a social makeover, to start with. "The culture" has some merciless reps in it, but you can pick and choose. The people who are a mouthpiece for porn stats (for boobs or male members or whatever else that fake industry has loaded onto our consciousness) are not people you should be gathering your information from. (As a matter of fact, it's also true that I saw an interview with a porn start who said she refuses to do shoots/sets with guys who are hugely endowed, and in her personal life prefers smaller, or average. So even there, you see there is so much stereotyping people can't see straght anymore.)

    And along with the social makeover, start to really dig deep into what is at the root of your unhappiness with yourself, and feelings of frustration and unviability in relatioships. Maybe get counseling to help facilitate this, it's nothing to be ashamed of. But I do believe that it's so easy to blame everything on a part of one's body -- and ALL the people who are much more flawed but with fantastic relationships prove that there is a missing piece of the puzzle here.
    Last edited by tiredofvampires; 08-27-2007 at 10:09 PM.

  2. 03-19-2020, 09:09 AM

  3. 03-19-2020, 09:23 AM
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    Refers to deleted post.

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