so...Will he call this weekend?

OK...so!

To summarize for those who didn't read my previous post....I met a guy at a function held at a bar one week ago Thursday. He flirted heavily...I flirted cautiously. We exchanged numbers. I called him two days later on Saturday left a message, he called me back. I said I'd like to see him again. He said we'll do that some time and that he was going away this week for an event. I haven't heard from him since that day (last Saturday).

It's been a week now. The event he went away to should have ended last night and I'd imagine he'd be coming back today. I should say that outside of when I sit down in my quiet time at my computer to relax...I don't really give him much thought outside of the occasional he was really adorable, etc and I hope he calls...so please don't think I'm obsessing. (Ok, I did the first day after I spoke to him because I had myself so excited...but I got a grip!)

Anyway, I know he's likely been very wrapped up inn this event that he went to but since it ended last night I'd imagine he'd come home today and should call me between today and tomorrow if he's truly interested. If he doesn't I'm inclined to think he's not very interested.

I hope he calls you, that would be cool for you!!

In my experience a man who is sincerely interested in me has never waited more than a few days to get in touch with me even if he was away (unless he was overseas with no access to a cell phone or e-mail or unless we already had a specific plan for a date and he told me he would call to confirm when he returned from his trip). Sorry, but I think you should assume that this one is probably not going to happen and look forward to future opportunities to meet people!

My friends think that it's understandable he wouldn't call while away at this event. I am bothered by it but also wondered if I should have called him. I could still call him this weekend but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I think I should give him the benefit of the doubt right now but if he calls and we go out and then a week passes THEN it's not okay because at this point we've gotten to know eachother a bit. Right now, I'm someone he met for 20-30 minutes and he's at an even he's been waiting all year for. IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING HAHA!

I respectfully disagree. In the beginning stages, it's fine if he asks you out, you go out, then he calls you a week from then for another date. It's funny - some of my friends would have said similar things in the category of "he's away and busy" or "maybe he's shy!" or "maybe he doesn't know if you're interested" but my friends who are more, well, direct and know I can handle it would have said what I said to you. From what you described in your posts it sounds like the ball is in his court. if he calls this weekend I think it's fine - it just shows that for now his interest level isn't that high but if he asks you out the interest level could increase while on the date.

With cell phones and e-mail I would say he had two minutes to call or write and say "hey - I'm swamped but thinking of you - talk to you when I return" or something like that i did a lot of dating pre-cell phone and pre-e-mail and even then, I would get calls from pay phones, I would get post cards, letters, etc if the guy was that interested and almost every man I dated worked insane hours.

Obviously I could be wrong - rare, but it happens ;-) Good luck!

I think a lot of men don't want to seem too eager so some of them wait longer than you'd like to call. I wouldn't necessarily expect him to call today, if he just got in from out of town, he might have a lot of things going on. so don't sit by the phone today

It sounds like you were friendly and indicated that you'd like to see him again, so that is good, I don't think you have to do more. If he doesn't call, then his loss! I agree with batya, ball is in his court.

I agree with Annie. Some men don't want to appear too eager. Some of what Baya33 says is true, but I don't think it applies this early, since you knew each other for what, 30 mins? My current boyfriend didn't call me for five days after the first date -- he was afraid he would come on too strong and scare me away.

So, yes, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn't call you within a week (after he was supposed to get back from his event), I'd say his interest level isn't THAT high, but that doesn't mean it's non-existent. You can then go ahead and call him, be friendly, and show off your stunning personality. Nothing to lose, right? I wouldn't ask him out, if that happens -- just be friendly and see how he reacts.

I agree that a man won't always call right away after a first date but in this case he hasn't asked her out yet. I think calling is a great idea if her goal is to get him to see her but not if her goal is to see if there is potential for a relationship.

The event will probably be tiring and the chances are he may have other things he needs to catch up on. He also may assume that if you do go out, that it'll be late next week (depending on if you both have a job or you're students). I'd say give him until Thursday. Also, I agree with the above posters who say he won't want to appear to eager and that you should definitely leave it up to him to make the next move.

Just go on about your life and don't wait for his call (a watched pot never boils). He'll probably take his sweet time to call. Most guys, like most girls, seem to do some type of "ritual" when it comes to calling people they are interested in (aka: must wait "x" days, appear "y" way, etc).

In a way, dating, esp in the beginning, is some sort of complicated mating dance.

Just go on about your life and don't wait for his call (a watched pot never boils). He'll probably take his sweet time to call. Most guys, like most girls, seem to do some type of "ritual" when it comes to calling people they are interested in (aka: must wait "x" days, appear "y" way, etc).

 

In a way, dating, esp in the beginning, is some sort of complicated mating dance.

It really sucks, doesn't it? If only we all just went for something when we wanted it rather than playing the waiting game, or other games besides. But such is life...

yes it really sucks

Life sucks.

I hate waiting games but you have to play it if your goal is finding a relationship

Life sucks.

 

I hate waiting games but you have to play it if your goal is finding a relationship

Yes, because if you go for it, you can seem too clingy and it's bye bye girlie.

Why not just chill. Forget about how many days have passed etc.

Maybe he is really busy. Maybe his mother just died. Maybe he doenst want to seem to eager.

Who knows.

But why do you have to get all caught up in it. If he calls you he calls you. Unless there is an alloted time for him to show his interest?

Date other guys then you wont be wondering about whether one or the other calls you.

Tyler, it's not easy for some women to date more than one guy. Not all women get that much male attention.

I doubt it.

Normally if someone is really interested in another person they can't keep away!

lol i just read this...i'm not really good at navigating this site to know when there are posts made to my threads except to find the thread and keep looking. am i doing it correctly?

Anyway, male attention is not a problem for me Renaissance...although, I do work alot and socialize less other than my circle of friends and typically work related. This man really did catch my eye/attention and I was disheartened that he hadn't called. Now, I'm proud of myself for not calling him during the week and completely understand that he was away and completely distracted by the event he had to be at.

However, now that we've spent some time together last night...if another week passed without hearing from him...then, that would be a problem for me. However I don't think that will happen...but who knows, I could be wrong. I'm going to put it out of my head and leave the ball in is adorable court

Thanks so much for writing...I love this site.

lol i just read this...i'm not really good at navigating this site to know when there are posts made to my threads except to find the thread and keep looking. am i doing it correctly?

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Thank you

any updates? did he call?

any updates? did he call?

I believe he did.

And here...

I can't remember the last post on here...I believe it was after he spoke with me on Tuesday on the way to dinner w/his mother...he asked if I wanted to stop by after dinner but an hour later canceled saying he realized it probably wasn't a good idea seeing the time and that we both had to work the next day.

The following day, Wednesday...he text to ask how my day was and called to say hello for ten minutes...nothing exciting (actually I believe this was the last time I updated on here).

Then no word Thursday...Friday I was out with some friends and so was he...we wound up texting while we were out and getting together for a couple hours on my way home for really really good conversation that flows so well....the most perfect kisses ever and he held me for a little while just relaxing and then I went home. (we still have not had sex for those who are wondering).

It was late when I left there....the following morning my phone rang while I was still asleep (I had slept in) it was him calling on the way to his Mom's to get some work done for her just to make sure that I was awake because it was a beautiful day and he didn't want me to miss it (so sweet). I asked if he'd call me later...he said he would.

He called around 930 last night for about 10 minutes said he just got in from the day. He's going away today into tomorrow and said he'll call me Monday afternoon/evening when he gets back.

I guess slow not seeing eachother as much as possible is the way this works huh?

For me the way it typically works is the man who wants to date me calls me in advance to ask me out for a date he plans or mostly plans (usually by Wednesday for the weekend) and if things are a bit slower, we see each other once a week for the first few times, and then he asks me out while we are on the date for the next date and typically increases it to twice a week. We don't usually just meet up and hang out/hook up last minute unti we've been dating regularly and are more of a couple (even if not quite exclusive). After going out on dates 5 or 6 times, some guys will call a bit more last minute especially if they got invited to a party last minute or have theater or concert tickets. Often it is with a bit of an apology as in "sorry to call last minute but...."

When a man treats me this way (basically this is always how it is) I feel respected and like a lady - like someone special in his life. not everyone reacts that way (most of my women friends do). If I were treated the way you are being treated I would feel like a last minute girl he liked hanging out and hooking up with. For some that arrangement works great and for me it wouldn't work at all. I've had that before, many years ago - when I was in between boyfriends - but i never saw it as more than hanging out/hooking up and it never was.

If I go to his home or he goes to mine it is usually after several dates and usually it's just stopping by after our date for the evening. Sometimes after 5 or 6 dates we'll do the cooking dinner thing at someone's house.

Typically we don't speak a lot on the phone during the week or IM/e-mail unless we already have a date planned - I can't be bothered to spend a lot of time talking/typing to a new person in my life who can't be bothered to make advance plans for a date with me. if we exchange a few phone calls or e-mails with no plans for a second or third date I might say nicely "it's great to talk to you but I'm a bit too busy to talk by phone/email a lot - if you want to get together again, please let me know" I had a few men who did that kind of calling in the last several years and as it turned out they weren't that into me (I wasn't surprised).