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Thread: 5yrs 2gether.. no ring.. UGH.

  1. #11
    Bronze Member Hellzapoppin's Avatar
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    Well, why should he marry you, when you are already living with him? He's getting all the benefits and perks of marriage, with none of the legal responsibilities.
    He's got a good thing going, and he knows it!
    Too bad you didn't insist on the ring, before blending your families.
    Now, there are children involved.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by Hellzapoppin
    Well, why should he marry you, when you are already living with him? He's getting all the benefits and perks of marriage, with none of the legal responsibilities.
    He's got a good thing going, and he knows it!
    Too bad you didn't insist on the ring, before blending your families.
    Now, there are children involved.
    yep, why buy the cow when the milks free

  3. #13
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    5 yrs?? 8 yrs???... wow you ladies are better than I.

    I'd never wait that long. Most men I've spoken to say either you know you wanna be with that person, or you don't.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by YeahOkWhateverIguess
    5 yrs?? 8 yrs???... wow you ladies are better than I.

    I'd never wait that long. Most men I've spoken to say either you know you wanna be with that person, or you don't.
    I don't think it is that simple - they can know they want to be with the person, but not be ready for marriage; or not want marriage. Not everyone believes in marriage; yet they can still believe in a lifelong commitment with someone.

    They can know they want to be with the person, but still be a bit scared. Most men fear divorce more than they do marriage; and the truth is that while it is getting better, men often get the short end when it comes to custody or alimony. Not always, but generally more often. Women are also generally the ones that initiate divorce - not to say men in the relationships are innocent in the end of the relationship, but often (75% of the time apparently) it is women whom actually initiate the proceedings.

    Often I think these are probably men whom expressed to these women early on they DID want to marry them; however somewhere along the way fears, insecurities, doubts, or whom knows what else came up that took the shine off that.

    I would rather wait 5 years for marriage and know we were both actually READY for the realities of marriage based on a true knowledge of one another combined with emotional maturity, than rush into it within a year with someone whom was basing the decision on hormones and lust without much consideration of what marriage really entails or means.

    Lots of people tend to get married in the "honeymoon stage"; hoping to "hold onto that" and find that regardless of marriage or not, relationships are work and people are human. And sometimes finding they are not as compatible as they thought....

    I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting; as long as you are honest that you aren't ready because you aren't ready. If you truly cannot see ever being married to that person, then you need to be honest and they need to decide if that is something they can live with. If you truly don't want to BE with that person at all, then you have the responsibility to end the relationship and free them to be with someone else whom does want to be. But not wanting to be married, or not wanting marriage, does not automatically mean they do not want to be with you.
    Last edited by RayKay; 10-10-2007 at 03:50 PM.

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