internet dating what to watch out for and how do you know when its time to meet?

Ok guys i need your help

I have recently registered on an internet dating site and i have spoken to a few people on them.

However there is a guy who i think i like and we've been speaking almost every night and day sometimes and he seems really sweet.

But i have some questions that i hope you guys will answer with lots of advice and wisdom.

1) how do you know when its right to meet a guy?

2) how honest should you be with the guy

3) what signals in a conversation would tell you oh boy he's a complete sleaze stay away?

This guy so far has been nothing but super duper nice and honest about a lot of things and we seem to have some things in common. So any help or words of wisdom would be most appreciated.

Many thanks

sonador

Well, you should really wait until you feel comfortable. If you've only just met him, I'd be cautious about discerning what you think is right and what you know is right. You don't want to rush into something headstrong straight away, in case you end up hurt by the end of it. Keep your horizons broadened and try to be ready for anything. If he's honest with you and you're comfortable with telling him things, tell him. However, don't go into things like phone numbers and addresses yet, just to be sure.

Otherwise, if he's as nice as you describe him, I doubt you'd have much trouble being happy.

As for staying away, I'd say a generic problem with internet lurkers is flirting. If he acts overtly horny or tries to delve into things about you you'd rather not give away, either let him know or understand he's not the guy for you.

Basically, keep on your toes and try to expect the worst. I know that's hard, but it's best to keep cautious.

He hasn't done anything like that, unlike a couple of men i spoke to on the -site ew. He has been quite open about himself - i don't know if that is such a good thing or not LOL! He asked me to meet him for a movie today and considering we've only been speaking for a week i told him i thought it was a bit too soon and maybe we should wait a while longer before we decided to meet and definitely not in the cinemas! LOL!

We were supposed to meet online tonight but he's not been on...i worry if i've said something to make him...well run away...but if that is the case i don't suppose i ought to be worrying about him now right?

Oh well..plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.

1) how do you know when its right to meet a guy?

Well, hopefully he is local. I would advise meeting him right away and seeing that he is who he says he is and if you two have offline compatibility. It is easy to create a persona online. Some people will talk and flirt for ages but never actually show interest in meeting offline.

So try meet up with him - somewhere safe and public! and ensure that there is something there offline too.

2) how honest should you be with the guy

Well, I believe in being open and honest. What are you talking about hiding?

3) what signals in a conversation would tell you oh boy he's a complete sleaze stay away?

Usually you have to listen to your gut. Some obvious signs are:

Talks about sex, makes bad comments about women, talks disrespectfully, seems too pushy, seems a bit off, etc. Either its obvious they`re a sleeze or they`ll try hide it. Just listen to your gut. If you`re feeling like there is something off about him, then its best to stop talking and move on.

He hasn't done anything like that, unlike a couple of men i spoke to on the -site ew. He has been quite open about himself - i don't know if that is such a good thing or not LOL! He asked me to meet him for a movie today and considering we've only been speaking for a week i told him i thought it was a bit too soon and maybe we should wait a while longer before we decided to meet and definitely not in the cinemas! LOL!

 

We were supposed to meet online tonight but he's not been on...i worry if i've said something to make him...well run away...but if that is the case i don't suppose i ought to be worrying about him now right?

 

Oh well..plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.

He might have thought you weren`t interested in dating offline. Why not take that first date, even if its just for coffee, and seeing if you two actually have something offline?

Online dating is a good way to meet people, but often its a bad idea to invest too much time in someone without meeting. You could be falling for an image instead of the real person.

There is a great book out there, "The Rules for Online Dating." I suggest you pick that book up, it has lots of great tips for writing a profile, choosing a screenname, screening out Mr. Wrong, and dating safely.

I would recommend you meet the man in person sooner rather than later. Take the relationship offline and see if there is a match in person. Don't tell him where you live or work, be general like, "I live on the East side" or "I work in a bank." Meet at a coffeeshop like starbucks during the day. If the date is going well, you can always extend the date. if it is not going well, then you can duck out. The key is that it should be public. if you don't like coffeeshops, then suggest ice cream, or a gallery or some kind of street festival.

things to watch out for - does he talk negatively about people in his life? is he talking about his exes? does he curse, make inappropriate sexual remarks, etc....? Is he respectful towards you? interested in what you have to say? or does he put down your opinions?

I wouldn't recommend having endless IM chats. When I did online dating, guys asked to IM me, and I said no, I don't use messenger, because I don't like people "barging" into my day. As a result, I think they asked to meet me in person sooner.

and listen to your gut instinct. if you have a feeling like a guy might be a creep, don't spend another second with him!

Thank you for your advice

as i said to you he lives like an hour away from me. and we've been speaking online since last thurs and i've told him pretty much everything about me...well nothing personal as such but about me, my hobbies etc.

Thing is though we were meant to meet online tonight and he hasn't been online...i worry if i have said something to offend him. part of me wonders if i should msg him but my brain is telling me the guy is supposed to do the chasing not me.

Oh well if he doesn't speak to me ever again i'll know he wasn't worth the hassle and will try again.

I wouldn't message him. I would just assume that he had to work late or something, or maybe his computer is having problems. I'd let him contact you. The key is not to get attached to any guy before you meet him. and even after you meet him, I don't recommend getting attached until you've been dating for a while.

Well, he is the one who didn`t show, so if he had trouble and/or couldn`t make it, he should send you a call or email apologizing. If he doesn`t contact you, then yeah, he`s not worth the hassle. He would either be lacking in courtesy or lost interest for some reason.

I`ve had guys do the disappearing act too, and show up a month later expecting attention. I get the feeling they thought they found something "better" and only using me as a backup. Their loss, by then I was taken by another online dater (almost seven months now and going strong!).

EDIT - yeah, try looking at the Rules for Online dating book Annie recommended. Its got some good suggestions and tips. I didn`t follow all the rules, but it helped me decide on how to handle online dating. You can probably find it in your local library.

i'll see how it goes tomorrow.

he seemed really nice - for him to do the disappearing act on me will prove him otherwise i guess. such a shame because i was sort of getting a connection with him.

1) how do you know when its right to meet a guy?

 

Well, hopefully he is local. I would advise meeting him right away and seeing that he is who he says he is and if you two have offline compatibility. It is easy to create a persona online. Some people will talk and flirt for ages but never actually show interest in meeting offline.

its not good to meet for the first time in the cinemas though is it? LOL. I mean one would think you'd like to talk to a guy instead of sit in the dark watching a movie with him

yes, better to talk than sit in a movie theater! maybe good for a second date, and then get some coffee or ice cream afterwards and talk about the movie.

thank you annie. That's what i told him. I told him a) i think its too soon for us to meet and 2) if we ever do meet, i'd like to think we could meet in a cafe and have hot chocolate, tea or coffee whatever and talk.

he seemed ok by that, i think.

When I online dated, I wanted to meet soon. Why was I seeking women on line? Not to chat over the internet or anything, but to meet and see how we interacted in person. And I would let her know early on that when she felt comfortable, we should meet or talk on the phone. And we would meet someplace public, maybe for coffee a drink or dinner, and see what happened.

I do not think there is any time limit as to when, I think the real idea is to know how to meet. Make it public, do not make it too close to home to prevent him from being able to follow you, let someone know who you are going to be meeting, and let him know that you have taken such a security precaution.

So, if you know of a Starbucks in between you, tell him to meet you there, and get the ball rolling.

If he seems creepy at anytime, end it.

 

Make it public, do not make it too close to home to prevent him from being able to follow you, let someone know who you are going to be meeting, and let him know that you have taken such a security precaution.

 

If meeting somewhere like about 10 minutes drive away from my place is close to home then we'd have a problem there because i don't drive and i'd feel more comfortable being near my hometown. that's not so bad is it?

I'm so glad i have friends

Not, it's not so bad, but I would seek a spot that was slightly convenient for him. And if he drives and hour, be prepared to do something that will take an hour or two with him.

i'll let you know what happens should he ever want to speak to me again i'm so upset he hasn't come online - did i say something wrong? i thought we had some sort of connection - maybe i was wrong. maybe he's like every creep in the world who once a woman says no about anything, he runs a mile.

But then again he didn't go to work today because he was ill, so he says. maybe he's in bed really ill.

oh well...if he's run away from me, i can move on to the next guy on the website should there be another nice guy who can stay up for hours every night talking to me.

Right going to bed now. Will update you guys with my story later if he comes back!

i'll let you know what happens should he ever want to speak to me again i'm so upset he hasn't come online - did i say something wrong? i thought we had some sort of connection - maybe i was wrong. maybe he's like every creep in the world who once a woman says no about anything, he runs a mile.

But then again he didn't go to work today because he was ill, so he says. maybe he's in bed really ill.

 

oh well...if he's run away from me, i can move on to the next guy on the website should there be another nice guy who can stay up for hours every night talking to me.

 

Right going to bed now. Will update you guys with my story later if he comes back!

Give him a chance see what happens.

No man really wants a woman who WILL NOT SAY NO. We want women who tell us no, and women want men who tell them no.

i'll let you know what happens should he ever want to speak to me again i'm so upset he hasn't come online - did i say something wrong? i thought we had some sort of connection - maybe i was wrong. maybe he's like every creep in the world who once a woman says no about anything, he runs a mile.

But then again he didn't go to work today because he was ill, so he says. maybe he's in bed really ill.

 

oh well...if he's run away from me, i can move on to the next guy on the website should there be another nice guy who can stay up for hours every night talking to me.

 

Right going to bed now. Will update you guys with my story later if he comes back!

try not to get upset at this stage. you don't know this man from a hole in the wall. you haven't spoken on the phone nor met in person, so you don't know if he is who he says he is. if he contacts you with some really great explanation, great. if not, NEXT! it happens all the time online, people sometimes disappear for one reason or another so don't get attached until you've actually met face to face and known each other for a while.

He hasn't been online all lunchtime Maybe it was something i said. oh well. its his loss. i'm not getting attached although i did sort of like what i got of him from his conversations.....never mind....time to keep on looking.

I met over 100 men in person through on line dating.

1) how do you know when its right to meet a guy? when I did this I met for coffee after exchanging one or two e-mails to get a phone number and then had a 20 minute or less conversation - I met if I could see us clicking enough to have a quick cup of coffee and if there were no red flags.

2) how honest should you be with the guy -- everything written on my profile was true - height/weight/accurate, recent pictures/etc and when we spoke if I answered a question, I answered it truthfully unless the questions were too personal or rude/inappropriate. I do not believe being honest requires being open about everything - after all he's a stranger.

3) what signals in a conversation would tell you oh boy he's a complete sleaze stay away?any explicit mention of sex, any "street language" or any type of cursing, if I realized he lied on his profile about age or marital status or anything like that or if he was rude or inappropriate. I have good instincts for that on the phone - I wouldn't talk on the phone if something like that was written on e-mail but I e-mailed with men who seemed respectful and polite in writing but were not by phone.

I did online dating for a month before getting lucky and finding my diamond amongst the rocks.

I found some genuine creeps who just wanted to have cyber sex or just gave me an "icky" feeling.

I found some nice guys who didn`t really click with me.

I found some guys who seemed friendly, but then just vanished for no reason after I thought we had some mental chemistry online going.

I found some guys who just seemed to want a friend and chat for ages with no sign of a date.

All of the above taught me not to get too excited about anyone without giving it some time and seeing if a date would happen.

And I found a guy who clicked with me, gave me lots of attention, was honest and respectful, was local and eager to date me, was everything I was looking for on my mental checklist and I snapped him up

Well the guy still hasn't been online. oh i'd better move on i guess.

I told my mates about him and they said i should've said yes to meeting him. Wish i had now, maybe that put him off. I guess it means he isn't really a good guy if he's put off by the fact i wanted to wait a while before meeting him. And i msged him yesterday to sort of say hi and he hasn't replied i must have said somethin wrong i wish i knew what

Oh well...back to the drawing board.

Maybe he thinks that you rejected him, which is why he is moving forward. Afterall, he's doing online dating to meet in person, not to have a penpal.

How long do you want to talk before meeting?

Maybe he thinks that you rejected him, which is why he is moving forward. Afterall, he's doing online dating to meet in person, not to have a penpal.

 

How long do you want to talk before meeting?

Well not too long I'm jjust a bit nervous and scared. i wish i'd said yes now....i wonder if i should message him and say 'hey i changed my mind - should you want to meet up let me know.'

But i worry if i message him again he might think me as desplerate which i know totally puts a guy off. I don't know! I've new to the dating scene 've never done this before! ARGH!

Stupid stupid me, note to self if you like a guy, say yes!!!! I dont know why i didn't. my friends would have been there behind the scenes to save me if there was trouble! ah!!!!!!!!!! Stupid stupid me, the one guy you connected with ran away!