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How to tell someone they're acting rude.


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you let the other person save face

 

tell them in private

 

say the first part of it with a smile

 

say you probably don't realise

 

tell them they're innocent

 

but let them know very nicely you don't think what they do is nice

 

if its ur boss u can't do it

 

you need to let them save face

 

private non confrontational and DO NOT attack thier charecter

 

Hey john you probably don't realise it but my ears are pretty sensitive so when you talk you can be a little bit loud, sorry its probably my fault but you seem to loud to me

 

as a really lame example.

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Certain friends and SO, for the most part. If I do something that upsets them, they'll start acting rude instead of telling me what it was that offended them. Rudeness in terms of being curt, making personal shots at me through sarcasm, things like that.

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sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions, I just want to understand the situation fully so that I can give you good feedback.

 

So, what is it exactly that happens? are you out with your friends, having a fun time, then you say something, and everyone goes silent and starts ignoring you?

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No, to be honest it's really just an SO problem, I mentioned certain friends because I wanted to know what to do in case it did happen with them in the future.

 

Basically, we'll be talking, and all of a sudden he'll clam up and/or start acting rude. If I ask him what's wrong he'll say nothing.

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Well, to be honest, I think that something you must be doing is the problem also, otherwise, they wouldn't just clam up and start being rude out of nowhere. you may have inadvertently offended them or said something they are sensitive about.

 

I would say, "Hey - I notice that you are acting withdrawn now, and I want to understand this. Did I say something that upset you? I'm sorry if I did and I want to know what I said that was wrong so I don't upset you again."

 

EDIT: Unless..... he just does that, has his mood change rapidly like that and starts being rude and mean to you with no reason at all. If he doesn't give you a reason, and just snaps at you, you should reconsider if you want to be in a relationship with someone that moody and uncommunicative.

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Oops, I didn't mean I wasn't doing anything wrong when I said it's just an SO problem, I just meant it didn't happen with my friends.

 

I've tried doing that. They'll either say nothing is wrong or it's not worth explaining to me.

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I'll tell you about what brought me here. I'm not too proud of the way I handled it, and I'd like to learn how to handle things more delicately.

 

We were hanging out and watching television, joking around and having a good time. I must have said something to offend him, because he just stopped talking. He would respond to anything I said with, "Oh." or "Yep." I tried to get the conversation back to where it was, I'm guessing that annoyed him because he got sarcastic with me and would say things like, "You remember my phone number? Ha ha." (I keep everybody's number in my cellphone and don't know any of them.) That was after I said something about a surprise call on his Birthday.

 

I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing. We went around in circles with me trying to find out what was wrong and him saying nothing. Eventually he told me it wasn't worth explaining it to me. I told him I was just going to leave, and when he asked why I told him he was acting like an ---hole. That really upset him.

 

That's not the first time things have happened that way, just the first time I've really come out and said "You're acting like an ---." I don't want to handle it that way, though. I want to know how I can communicate with him in a way that'll get him to open up and tell me when I say something that upsets him.

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well, you can only do so much. I don't know what it is that you said that upset him and it sounds like you don't either. I think it's good that you asked him what was wrong, and it's too bad that he didn't just say, "You know, I wish you wouldn't make jokes about xxxxxx." If he doesn't say something, you can't make the changes and avoid that.

 

I guess the next time that happens say, "I am sorry if I offended or upset you and I really didn't mean to do that. Can you tell me what it is I said so that i know not to do that in the future?" If he clams up again, maybe he just isn't good boyfriend material for you. You can't deal with this stupid game forever. You can't have a long term relationship with someone who refuses to talk to you about what is up.

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depends, if you know this person and consider them a friend, you pull them aside and say, hey man, that aint right..

 

If you dont know them and dont really care even though you are aorund them and all as in a mutual aquaintance, you say in front of everyone, what is your major malfunction biznatch..!

 

at least that is what I have done in the past, and I did alright..

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