People with mental health issues & addictions

I just came accross a post that "inspired" me to make this thread. I'd like to know what you think of people with these issues.

I don't know where to put this thread, but this seems as good a place as any.

Often people with these issues are treated like the plague and not relationship worthy. I admit they are a handful. I admit I am a handful. But it's not like anyone says I want to grow up and have mental health issues and self-medicate to deal with life.

Anyway, I just am getting out of an abusive relationship with someone with no issues (not diagnosed) but who nonetheless was emotionally abusive and mean and lied and probably a cheater to boot. He works in mental health and would throw my issues up in my face, in spite of the fact I got a grip on my addictions a couple of times, until he became abusive.

I don't lie (other than regarding how many glasses of wine I might have had in a given day), I don't cheat, I don't steal and I was always respectful of him. I've been working on my issues and don't give up, won't give up. I'm determined to find some happiness in life.

So...why do people treat people like me as if we're to be avoided in relationships? In spite of my issues, I've managed to get two degrees, speak a foreign language and have been responsible enough to own my home free and clear. I admit, the last four years have been extremely hard on me from a mental health perspective, but I do try to be responsible and I don't want to go on disability like so many do when they have my diagnosis. There are so many "normal" people who are liars, cheats, thieves and worse, yet they get a free pass because their issues aren't always so easily visible, at least not in the beginning.

Ok, this is a combo question and vent post and maybe an attempt to defend people like me. Thank you.

I think quite honestly many of us exhibit behaviors that could be catagorized as addictions. You have clearly come out and have been honest about yours, and that is intimidating and frightening to some people because it hits right smack at the center of their own problems, be they addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, relationships, whatever. I think we all need to be as rigorously honest as we can be and not worry about how other's perceive us or our past. That's my two cents on your thread here.

I think people with issues/addictions are avoided since it is presumed they will act badly since they 'can't help it' while 'normal' people are presumed to act nicely since 'they have the choice to'.

I think people would prefer a liar to an addict since they see the lying as something changeable but the addiction unchangeable.

Also sometimes it's hard to see people you care about engaging in destructive behaviour and hurting, especially when you are powerless to do anything about it.

Anyway, congratualations on your accomplishments and on getting out of your abusive relationship.

I think people with issues/addictions are avoided since it is presumed they will act badly since they 'can't help it' while 'normal' people are presumed to act nicely since 'they have the choice to'.

I think people would prefer a liar to an addict since they see the lying as something changeable but the addiction unchangeable.

Also sometimes it's hard to see people you care about engaging in destructive behaviour and hurting, especially when you are powerless to do anything about it.

Anyway, congratualations on your accomplishments and on getting out of your abusive relationship.

This is very interesting -- especially the part about preferring lying to addiction. To me, lying is one of those core character traits and can be much more damaging to another than an addiction. Addiction is much more in your face, but lying involves a trust issue and once a liar, how do you ever know if they are really telling you the truth? I've always said I can deal with anything, but I need to know the thing I am dealing with. When I suspect someone is a liar, pretty much leaves me never knowing what is really going on.

I have a pretty big umbrella in terms of what I consider an addiction, but basically anything used to distract and prevent one from examining core issues that need to be dealt with. There are better and worse addictions, but they are still addictions...drinking, smoking, eating, starving, shopping, gambling, sex, love, relationships, working out, working to much, the Internet, Enotalone, EBay, porn. The list goes on and on, I suppose.

BTW, people with addictions DO have a choice. One thing I hate is this whole "diseasing" of America. Everything is a disease. You eat to much, you have a disease. You please others, you have a disease. You drink too much, you have a disease. Funny, but people always refer to smoking as an addiction, but to so many other things as diseases. While it is true that chemical addictions can lead to disease of the body and gambling can lead to bankruptcy, I don't consider them diseases. I consider them to be compulsive behaviors often due to wacked out brain chemistry or simply these people never learned appropriate coping strategies in life. These things are choices though. One can choose to sit through the pain of foregoing whatever is one's choice of dealing with life. Drugs help in this regard and I mean psychotropic drugs.

I don't know how easy it is to change one's character though (as in liar cheater thief) I think behaviors are easier to change. Oh well, thanks and you enlightened me.

9;1748798]I think quite honestly many of us exhibit behaviors that could be catagorized as addictions. You have clearly come out and have been honest about yours, and that is intimidating and frightening to some people because it hits right smack at the center of their own problems, be they addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, relationships, whatever. I think we all need to be as rigorously honest as we can be and not worry about how other's perceive us or our past. That's my two cents on your thread here.

And I agree with you completely Coyote. Thanks.

The one thing I wish would change is the stigma around mental illness and addictions. Much progress has been made in the area of de-stigmatizing depression (as more famous people came out about it and then they even advertise for antidepressants on TV). However, much work has to be done to understand other forms of it -- anxiety disorder, panic attacks, bipolarity, OCD, phobias, schizophrenia, etc.

I remember having panic attacks over 20 years ago when they didn't even know what they were. I just had to ride those periods of my life out. Now of course they have all the drugs which enable people to deal with this issue.

What I'd like to stress is that most of mental illness stems from neurochemistry imbalances. The brain is an organ, just like any other organ and things can go wrong.

Likewise, you walk into any AA meeting and betcha dollars to donuts many of those people have underlying psychiatric issues which either led to the substance abuse of resulted from. These things can be worked with, provided one is motivated to change. But then in life even "normal" people have issues (like my former abusive BF). However, as long as he thinks he has nothing wrong with him, he'll just move on to the next woman and do the same thing.

Well, I am just a true believer in psychopharmacology and good Drs. and good therapists. It just doesn't help when so many people ostracize those of us who struggle with these issues.

Ok, that is my soapbox speech for today Thanks for letting me share.

I grew up with a parent who had a severe mental illness. Thank goodness the parent took meds and went to therapy and my other parent is a true hero for being so supportive and loving throughout. As a result however I have avoided getting involved with people with mental/emotional disabilities and addictions. I dated a recovering alcoholic/drug user a few times a few years ago, and it was a reason I didn't continue to date him.

I dated someone else for a few months who had a diagnosed anger disorder and did not like the way he wasn't handling it. I tend to be attracted to people with depression (no surprise there) but try to avoid dating them or getting involved. I do have friends and have had very close friends who suffer from such disabilities and I do my best to be supportive. Sharing my life with someone like that however is a whole different thing and given how I grew up not something I care to repeat if possible.

People with mental health issues and addictions need to seek treatment for those issues before becoming involved in a relationship. They can damage others or cause great harm to themselves because of those issues.

People with mental health issues and addictions need to seek treatment for those issues before becoming involved in a relationship. They can damage others or cause great harm to themselves because of those issues.

And you, Mintbossom, are very smart for saying this. It seems so simple, yet it is so true.

On my side of the coin, I was very damaged, for being the person with the "issues." I am quite sure he isn't pining away thinking about me, at 12:45 in the a.m. Yet I am about him.

But it's ok. Because I'm investing the time and money to learn about ME. It's not an egotistical thing, rather I just need to learn how to love me.

I honestly know he won't miss a beat over me. I, OTOH, have the opportunity to learn how this pain can heal me. Thanks for your post