Please opine on things I can say to show I am a long-term relationship material.

Funny. Just after a thread on which I vented my frustration that sometimes I do not get dates with the complete package woman I am looking for, an apparent intelligent and damn beautiful blonde I met two months ago shot me an e-mail.

She said she was very busy but she is available to go out and have few drinks and dinner.

Honestly, after some feedback on this forum I realize that I have been doing something wrong. I had several dates in the past which somehow ended up in short-term relationships. Many times I engaged in sex too early on, too.

Can the smart women (or men) in this noble forum suggest what type of conversation I should command in order to show that I am a long-term relationship material, not the type who just wants short-term good sex?

Though i am not INCREDIBLY experienced with dating, i wouldn't show that you are long-term relationship in the first couple dates. I am not saying this only because it may scare the woman off, but also so that YOU know you may want/not want a long-term relationship with her. THe first couple of dates are to get to know each other, to find out if a long-term relationship would work out between you two, after that, it is you two enjoying each other's company and simply talking about how your day went and if they wanna go do something fun, etc...

So, what i am saying is, is to not try and jump into a long-term relationship too quickly. Find out if it is someone worth getting to know on a more than just friends level.

This is tough Mr.Right because on the one hand you want a girl to know you want a longterm relationship "one day" , however, if you just met her you don't want her to think you are looking for one with HER. It would be too soon.

I guess you mean how to make a girl realize you are "commitment minded" with the right person vs a one night stand guy.

It is all in just what you converse about a lot of the time. If I were on the dating scene and a guy i found attractive and seemed like a dating prospect some of the things that would cement that for me vs make me run off would be he DOESN"T talk about things like "man I can't wait til friday, me and my buddies are going to get hammered". Something even clsoe to that would make me look the other way. Even if it was a one night thing and he hadn't gone out in over a year, I WOULDN"T know that. I would just be hearing about him talking about getting hammered. So for starters, don't talk about partying if you don't want a party chick.

You don't want to talk aobut families and marriage really as that could scare her too, but you can work these things into the conversation IF the oppty presents itself naturally. But saying things like "family is important to me" can be a sign that this is a man who does have longterm relationship goals with the right person. Speaking highly of mom helps. I would always think a man who speaks highly of his mom or family. Most women do hold tihs little thought in the back of their minds that the way a guy treats his mom is how he'll treat his girl one day. (And i have found this is true A LOT).

DO NOT...and i repeat DO NOT bring up anything sexual during those first few casual conversations and meet ups. The majority of women find this a HUGE turn off and a redflag. Even tho i am a very sexual person wtih a guy i am serious with, if a guy randomly i am talking too works anything sexual into a conversation is a turn off. Perfect example - a guy i talked to online once when i was single and tried an online dating site talked about breasts whenever he could work it in. I'd ask him do you like so and so show and he'd say something like yaeh, that leading actress in it, looks like she got a nice boob job" or something like that. It was awful. I didn't even give him the dignity of a return email to say I am no longer interested. So - no sex talk or inneunedos, or jokes. NO matter how funny you might think the joke is or how harmless. Speaking to a lady about sex in that critical early stage could potentially blow it all for you (and no pun intended considering your last thread LOL). This guy even asked me "what does the D in your name stand for" (a pic i sent him had my last initial behind my name") I asked him why? he said the letter D brings up certain connotations to a man, wink wink. This guy was 40 for God Sakes! He was referring to D cups! I promptly said I was tired and told him goodnight. And never emailed him back.

Talk about your job, your goals for the future, your work ethic, things you plan to do one day, how you would like to travel and where to, hobbies and sports, what you do in your spare time. If you have been speaking to her for awhile and like to go biking for example, you could say "i'd love to take you bikeriding one day if you are up for it", or whatever activity you enjoy. (if clubbin is something you enjoy, bring it up only if you also want to find a clubbing chick) Avoid talking about bars and sex. I can't stress that enough. I sense you don't want a chick who is into casual sex and partying so it is best not to talk about that so soon.

That is all i can think of for now. Make her realize you are a gentleman. Not all women need a guy to pull out her chair or hold the door for her, but I know of few women who would actually FROWN on a guy who does it. To me it shows he does respect ladies. I don't expect it or need it, but it is a nice touch, especially if you want to convey you are a gentleman and not some perv looking to get in her pants.

If long term monogamy is what you're after, then just hold off on sex until you're 100% sure about it. As long as you're ok with the idea of possibly having to wait quite awhile, it should get you the results you want, or at least increase your chances quite a bit.

Don't worry about whether you are LTR material or not, worry if -they- are. If they are willing to have sex with you fast, you must be attractive in some way, so the answer may be to keep plowing through until you find one interested in a relationship. Many people, particularly attractive, busy professionals, aren't looking for a relationship. Nothing you say will change that if the case.

I definitely wouldn't bring up relationships or the possibility on the first or second date. Generally, if a woman likes you, she will bring it up after a few dates. If she doesn't, then drop some obvious hints, and if she doesn't respond, move on to the next.

Dinner and drinks are generally poor relationship building dates. Active things are much better, light hikes, silly sports like putt-putt or bowling, even a walk around town or hanging in a park. If you want to be considered different in a good way, stay away from dinner, drinks, movie, concert dates until later. People want relationships with people that have something unique to offer other than the average humdrum, and being fun and different leads to enjoyment naturally. Is there something you do that's fun, active and interesting that a date could get into without special training? Best wishes.

Active things are much better, light hikes, silly sports like putt-putt or bowling, even a walk around town or hanging in a park. If you want to be considered different in a good way, stay away from dinner, drinks, movie, concert dates until later. People want relationships with people that have something unique to offer other than the average humdrum, and being fun and different leads to enjoyment naturally. Is there something you do that's fun, active and interesting that a date could get into without special training?

great suggestions servedcold.

Compliments are nice too, only if they are sincere and not overdone. If her hair looks nice, tell her. If her outfit looks nice, tell her. A compliment that is not overdone or dripping with a sexual inuendo is almost always well taken. A woman who can't take a sincere compliment seems a redflag to me.

So let me add to this posts my question : ;p

So I am getting to know this girl, and known her for only the past two weeks, and her birthday is this weekend, so would it be too much or would I scare her off by sending her flowers to her place of work for her birthday along with a written poetry of mine?

Also, the past two weeks I have been the initiating the conversations and asking her out etc.... she seems to not initiate anything at all?

When I asked her, she said, " i wouldn't be talking to you if I was not interested to continue right?".

She works from Mon - Sat 9 - 10 p.m and she gets tired from the work etc.

I msg her or call her after she is back to ask if she is free for a chat....sometimes she replies yes...mostly nope.... so I informed her, why don't you call me when you are free, it wouldn't be nice of me to keep on calling every night trying to find out...( also I feel it makes me look bad)

She is only free on Sunday, so she wants to hang out with her friends etc... also and parents....etc....and now how do I ask her to add me to the list???

So I am confused at what I should do? What is she thinking?

Anyone care to help me?

Thank you. =)

Women like to be chased. Men like to feel like their feelings are being reciprocated.

If you're doing all of the chasing, and she is doing little or none of the reciprocating, then I would just back off some.

Hi -

I think Jaded laid it all out on the table. Well done!

I mostly got party girls in college, and they were very short relationships. I thought I must be doing something wrong. Well, I was. I was looling for something long term from someone that isn't into long term. Yes, I wanted to hook up, but I actually wanted it to last as well.

After many disappointments, I decided to hold off on the sex. One girl I dated said she was surprised we didn't have sex yet. It turned me off, but I explained to her why. She thought I wasn't interested in her. Um, I am with you and we do fool around, just no sex yet.

It's tough being in your situation. I think hooking up is the easy part, but when wanting something more, especially when you are used to quick flings, is a challenge. It's like a personality change is required. Watch what you say, and who you say it too. The bimbo with a drink in hand by the bar that is eyeing you probably isn't your best candidate for something long term, but you can take a chance, hook up, and see what happens of it. Just be guarded if you were expecting something more.

What works for me is:

1. Be a gentleman - always. You don't want to create a bad impression with someone you just met.

2. Find out a little about them. The thing that I look for is what do they do in their free time? If she is hanging around bars, then it's probably not long term material, but is she volunteers somehere, takes classes part time, or is self studying a new language, well hey, we have some potential here. I get to know her some more. If I like her, then the feelings come with time and the chemistry builds up.

For me, instant chemistry, grabs me, but it usually ends just as quickly because all we went off of was lust. We never formed a relationship outside of sex and that won't last very long.

Hi, YOu've received very good advice, but I'll throw my 2 cents in anyway.

You show a woman that you're serious about getting into a LTR with her by taking things slowly or at a reasonable pace. Like, you don't ask for sex too early on, don't pressure her for sex...ok, that's obvious.

But, I know I've been disappointed in the past by the men I've met because they come on too fast emotionally. Some have professed strong feelings after a short period of time and shortly thereafter...POOF!!! They're gone. I've been scared off by men who talk about how they haven't been in an LTR for soooo long, how they hate the winter because they have no one to cuddle with (yes, a man said that to me), and quite frankly, showing intense emotions and feelings too early on.

Recently, I met a man on line. After our first casual meeting, we met for dinner and then went to a starbucks for coffee. He talked a lot about his art, and how it's important to him, and how he wished he'd pursue it. He said he'd like to show me his art. And, I said, sure...He said, "well, it's in my car..." He brought back about 100 photos/prints (graphic arts)...and said to me, "if we're going to be a couple, you need to know i'm serious about this...." I looked at every single photo in that starbucks while my date anxiously waited for my feedback. it was uncomfortable.

Hmmmmmm.....we went out two more times after that, he brought up the subject of "us" at the end of every date, and I realized that I couldn't handle his intensity. I say be confident, and self-assured (not arrogant), but that you're a great guy who has his act together.

So, don't show your hand right away...let things develop naturally.

Good luck.

i would never want to show that off the bat. i understand you want women to think you are long term reliable or whatever. but to a girl that wants to be long term too, this is a red flag. it shows eagerness and can insist you are clingy. be weary of letting this out.

You are right. I don't think there is much I can do. I am sure I have many qualities and I am not a kid. It sounds like the only thing I won't do is that I won't initiate any kissing, etc. I will just let them do the whole thing and see how it goes. If they want sex early on, bj, etc, so be it!

i would never want to show that off the bat. i understand you want women to think you are long term reliable or whatever. but to a girl that wants to be long term too, this is a red flag. it shows eagerness and can insist you are clingy. be weary of letting this out.

You are right. I don't think there is much I can do. I am sure I have many qualities and I am not a kid. It sounds like the only thing I won't do is that I won't initiate any kissing, etc. I will just let them do the whole thing and see how it goes. If they want sex early on, bj, etc, so be it!

very good. just take on stride at a time. if you find a good girl, a good ltr will happen.