Ex boyfriend messaged her a sketchy message

My girlfriend was in the shower and we were expecting a message from her friend as to when he was coming. So anyway, her phone beeped and I went to check it. I opened the message and it was from ex boyfriend. The message said "I don't want you to leave your bf for me. I don't want to date you. I am happy with my life as it is". I was devastated. I went into the bathroom and started yelling at her and asked her what the **** is between you and your ex boyfriend. She was like "what? what are you talking about?" I told her what I saw. She said that she has no idea what he was talking about and he must have sent it by mistake. I asked her to respond to him in a text message. She texted him "I don't know what you are talking about. Are you sure you wanted to send this message to me? I think you made a mistake." He responded by saying "Excuse me? Is that ********? Please call me now". She talked to him over the phone and he said that it was a mistake and started telling her about that girl. She told him that she doesn't really care what's going on in his life and that she wants to hang up. He wouldn't stop talking and started telling her that she's making a mistake by being with me blah blah blah. He also said that he wanted to hang out with her so he can talk to her. I told my gf to tell him to stop contacting her. She sent him a message telling him to not contact her again and that she's happy with me and that we may have a future. He never replied.

What is the deal here? She told me some time ago that he, in a joaking way, threatened to ruin our relationship. He told her "I will make your bf think that you cheated on him". Is that what he was trying to do? Did he send these text messages hoping that I would read them and break up with her? If that's not the case, I think that he was trying to get her attention by letting her think that he's got this girl all over him but he doesn't want to be her bf so that my gf would think that he's doing this to get back with her. Would that be possible? Is he that sick?

Do you think I should contact this guy and tell him to step away from her or should I just let it go?

i think that the guy was trying to do exactly what he jokingly told her what he was going to do. If you want, you can contact him and threaten him. Otherwise, if nothing comes up don't worry about it> I think she took the proper steps to showing you that there is nothing with her between him.

His text message was intended to give the appearance that your gf was contacting him to try to get back together. If any such thing were true, she would have to have been an idiot to have let you get her cell phone. He's a trouble-making psycho who should be ignored.

Zack.

Yeah I think you should trust your gf here unless you have some other reason not to trust her.

If your gf is going behind your back, then this could be a brilliant ruse to divert suspicion. Let me ask you this: did you ever receive the text message you were supposed to receive that day? If not, do you know why? Maybe the "friend who was supposed to text" was a sneaky way for her to guarantee you read.

Orrrr... are you making that up, and don't want to admit to us that you don't trust your gf and were snooping, but didn't want the backlash that comes from admitting you snooped?

In any event, I see two components here. One is whether or not the ex still has feelings for her, and the other is whether or not she has feelings for him.

Its certainly feasible that the ex hoped his "misplaced" message would cause the fight it caused. Its entirely possible he is out to ruin your relationship.

Nonetheless, if your gf is happy with you and has given you no other reason not to trust you, then she deserves your trust. Sounds like she did handle it pretty well. Until there is more evidence, don't give her a hard time.

Yes she received the text message she waited for. Something to note though, when I told her that her ex sent her a message, she told me not to open it. I however couldn't let that go. Damn it now I'm suspicious. Maybe that's what he wanted.

Maybe she knew that her ex might send a message like that.

If your gf is going behind your back, then this could be a brilliant ruse to divert suspicion..

I seriously doubt this. Trust me, most people just aren't that brilliant at covering up their affairs.

To the OP, I think her ex is a complete twit who is either trying to cause trouble, or was just trying to get her to call him. No wonder he's her ex!

... seriously doubt this. Trust me, most people just aren't that brilliant at covering up their affairs."

Thank goodness for that.

... I told her that her ex sent her a message, she told me not to open it"

OK now this is where you have to think VERY CLEARLY and not change your memory. What kind of tone did she have when she said that.

- Was it hurried, and like "oh crap, busted"

OR

- Was it more irritated like "ugh, why can't that jerk ex just leave me be?"

Theoretically, anything here could have been a ruse! The original text ... her reply ... his reply ... her phone call. You can chase down that rabbit hole indefinitely. It all comes down to a matter of trust. I believe in trusting until proven wrong. If your gf is lying, you will surely find out soon enough.

Worst case scenario is that your gf made some sort of overture to her ex that he flat out rejected!!! Very unlikely. Let's assume for the moment, however, that it's true. Her indiscretion would have been what? Being a bit wobbly on an ex she had feelings for. Unless she has a string of exes for whom she has feelings, his very firm rejection would seem to have closed the book on that as a practical matter. I stress that i do NOT think that's what happened ... it's just too d**n complicated.

Zack.

... seriously doubt this. Trust me, most people just aren't that brilliant at covering up their affairs."

 

Thank goodness for that.

 

... I told her that her ex sent her a message, she told me not to open it"

 

OK now this is where you have to think VERY CLEARLY and not change your memory. What kind of tone did she have when she said that.

 

- Was it hurried, and like "oh crap, busted"

 

OR

 

- Was it more irritated like "ugh, why can't that jerk ex just leave me be?"

I can't really tell. She was in the shower so it was hard to tell by her tone. But I'm sure she DID NOT want me to look at the message. The reason I'm a little suspicious is because some time ago there was some history of her having feelings for him while we were together and I caught her. Also, we have seriously been talking about marriage so maybe she thought "let me give him one more chance to see if he wants to be with me and if not, then I'll go with it". I doubt that because she really wants to marry me and keeps talking to me about it ALL THE TIME. Why would she be dumb to do something like that? That message messed me up big time. Did he really do it by mistake? I mean come on her name is saved on his phone so there is really no way to send a message like that to her just by "mistake".

The reason I'm a little suspicious is because some time ago there was some history of her having feelings for him while we were together and I caught her.

Which brings me back to my earlier point ... even if she still does, his original text makes it clear that he isn't interested at all. Which makes it more of a "bruised ego" thing than a "she's going to cheat" thing anyway.

Zack.

Which brings me back to my earlier point ... even if she still does, his original text makes it clear that he isn't interested at all. Which makes it more of a "bruised ego" thing than a "she's going to cheat" thing anyway.

 

Zack.

Zack if this is the case then I won't let that ago. I don't accept being a second option. If she really tried to get back with him and he rejected her, I don't want to be with her. I don't think anyone would stay with their partner if they knew that their partner tried to seek another relationship but failed and decided to remain in the relationship. Who knows anyway, maybe she never contacted him and she wasn't lying. It's just suspicious.

I just think it smacks of a very clumsily executed effort on his part to create a sense of suspicion and distrust.

Did he really do it by mistake? I mean come on her name is saved on his phone so there is really no way to send a message like that to her just by "mistake".

I actually sent a text to my ex once that was intended for my friend. The text was about my ex. We were having a rough time and my friend was helping me cope with it... Well, the message ended up in my ex bf's cell phone and so yeah.. it was sent by mistake..

But I doubt it was a mistake in your situation. I really believe that it was him trying to ruin her relationship with you... But we don't know your gf so we can't say for sure.

ok. I sent him an email few days ago. In a nutshell, I told him that I don't know what his deal was and that if he has anything to do with my girlfriend then he should tell me like a man or otherwise quit contacting her and stop interfering in our relationship. He responded to me last night. He said that the situation is so complicated and he feels that the only way to resolve this issue is to meet in person. He also said that he has no ill regard towards me and that is why it's time that the truth be told!

We may meet today. I'm not sure what he's going to tell me but I'm also not sure if I should believe him or not. Do you think he would lie so he can ruin our relationship? My gf told me that she sent him an email few days ago and told him to have no form of communication with her whatsoever. And like I said before, she told me that he joakingly threatened to make me think that she cheated on me (maybe she told me this just in case he tells me the truth so I won't believe it?).

The reason I'm leaning towards believing him is because she lied to me before about having feelings for him but I caught her. Really, can he be so mean and try to ruin her life? He thinks that she's making a mistake by being with me especially when she told him that we're getting married. Maybe he feels like he needs to save her from herself by ruining her relationship with me? Is that possible? This is SO complicated!

... you think he would lie so he can ruin our relationship?...Really, can he be so mean and try to ruin her life?"

Sure!

It need not make sense to you if it makes sense to him.

... you think he would lie so he can ruin our relationship?...Really, can he be so mean and try to ruin her life?"

 

Sure!

 

It need not make sense to you if it makes sense to him.

I don't know. This is a tough one. He just contacted me and said that we can meet today. If he doesn't show me a proof (like a text message from her or something) then I would be put in a tough spot. I can't concentrate on anything anymore.

... he doesn't show me a proof (like a text message from her or something) then I would be put in a tough spot. I can't concentrate on anything anymore."

Is whatever lie she told you really enough that you will take this person's word seriously? He has a conflict of interest and is exploiting your uncertainty. I'm pretty sure text messages could be doctored too, you'd have to cross reference with her bill. What if he shows you a message she sent from a "Friend's" phone, or from an IM program?

I don't think you are in the right state of mind to meet this person.

... he doesn't show me a proof (like a text message from her or something) then I would be put in a tough spot. I can't concentrate on anything anymore."

 

Is whatever lie she told you really enough that you will take this person's word seriously? He has a conflict of interest and is exploiting your uncertainty. I'm pretty sure text messages could be doctored too, you'd have to cross reference with her bill. What if he shows you a message she sent from a "Friend's" phone, or from an IM program?

 

I don't think you are in the right state of mind to meet this person.

FogLifter,

The only reason I'm considering believing him is because of the history between him and my gf. Several months ago I saw e-mail exchanges between them telling each other how much they miss seeing each others' smile and that they've been thinking about each other and dreaming about each other and many other things. I confornted her and we worked it out and it was over. She hung out with him for some time then suddenly stopped. I was suspicious as to why she totally stopped seeing him. I was guessing that something must have happened. Now that he sent these sketchy text messages (which she denied) I feel like there is more to it than what I actually think.

When I meet him today, I will remain calm. I won't show him that I'm pissed off or anything. I will listen to what he has to say and what this "truth" that he wants me to know is all about. If he provides me with a SOLID proof, then I'm breaking up with her. If he doesn't, then I will re-evaluate things. I will probably tell her about it and see how she reacts and maybe things will be clearer then. But I still believe that I need to meet him. I wanna know what he has to tell me.

... will probably tell her about it and see how she reacts and maybe things will be clearer then. "

I bet when you tell her, she will be mad because you went behind her back. Its kind of like when someone snoops, and finds incriminating evidence, but is on the hook for violating privacy.

Still though, I think you already have a certain outcome in mind, and I dont think its going to go well for your girlfriend. If this guy does indeed provide you "solid proof", I would suggest you still at least sleep on how to handle it with your girlfriend.

Think of it this way: he threatened to break you up, and what you have told us means he will succeed!

Let us know how it goes.

Isn't this the same girlfriend that you were worried about initially?

Isn't this the same girlfriend that you were worried about initially?

In what sense?

Actually, I just took a look at your previous threads. Worry and jealousy in this relationship seem to be a recurring theme.

Do you think it's because of your own insecurities, or that your girlfriend may indeed be untrustworthy? A possible blend of both?

In what sense?

In the sense that you posted on here previously about your girlfriend wanting to and hanging out with her ex boyfriend.