"Caving" or is he breaking it off?

I've been talking to a man that I met online. We talked for about a month and have been 'seeing' each other for about 2 weeks. I know it's entirely too early to already be having problems, but I'm confused.

Things have already gotten really serious. He's introduced me to his friends and family. Has said that he wouldn't introduce someone he's not serious about to his parents. He called just about every night and asked me if i would be his girlfriend. He cooked me dinner and we were having a great time...or so I thought.

Now, 2 weeks later, nothing. He's been having serious job related issues and he has told me this on numerous occasions. He has two jobs and is dealing with the uncertain fact that he may be forced to quit one. After a few days of no contact, I asked him what the problem was. He said everything was fine. The next day, he said he was very sorry for ignoring me and that he still wants to see and talk to me but that he didn't have time for a relationship at this point. He said he still had feelings for me and that after all this boiled over, that he would be interested in picking up where we left off. He made it very clear that he still wants to talk to me, but is this some lame way of trying to dump me?

He's a very honest and straightforward person, so I imagine if he wasn't interested in me romatically, he would come out and say it. I don't know if I should sit around and wait and give him his space or if i should take it as a hint to move on. Is this the 'caving' I hear so much about?

Hiya...I wouldn't say he is 'caving"...but it would probably be in YOUR best interest ifyou backed off and got busy with your own life. It sounds

like this relationship has progressed FAR too fast. Two weeks is WAY too soon to be meeting family members etc.......and usually when soemone comes on strong in the beginning..they back off just as fast.

There is a lot to be said for going slow.

If you hear from him....I would suggest NOT jumping at the opportunity to see him. Just be busy. He should date you properly..asking you out in advance. This is the best way to protect yourself.

Hope this helped......

I think you should just live your life. I think you should look at it as this guy maybe telling the truth or he maybe caving either way let it ride. Be his friend develop a relationship based on that. Do not let him use you when he feels he has a free moment to have a girlfriend and then turn around and tell you he's not ready. If you want to date this man then put him aside for a while and see if he comes around.

I would give it the advantage of the doubt, he may or may not have told the truth. But that is not important, what matters is that indicates to you that he doesn't want you in his life , and in this society where everyone is very occupied its 'very possible' , you see Needhelp, a relationship requires time to invest into, lots more then just simply cooking a meal for you, you two might have had a great time, but due to lack of time he aknowledges that he cannot provide you in your needs as he would desire to do so. There's two important things here, that you need to understand.

-Don't start doubting yourself, you didn't do anything wrong in your actions.

-Respect his wish.

You may or may never know the real reason or if that really was the reason, but it comes down to that you have to step out of his life.

Hiya...I wouldn't say he is 'caving"...but it would probably be in YOUR best interest ifyou backed off and got busy with your own life. It sounds

like this relationship has progressed FAR too fast. Two weeks is WAY too soon to be meeting family members etc.......and usually when soemone comes on strong in the beginning..they back off just as fast.

There is a lot to be said for going slow.

 

If you hear from him....I would suggest NOT jumping at the opportunity to see him. Just be busy. He should date you properly..asking you out in advance. This is the best way to protect yourself.

 

Hope this helped......

Ive been there done that! I have to fully agree with Lady Bugg. Don't sit around waiting for him to get back in touch with you. I had a friend tell me once, that when a man comes in like a hurricane he leaves just as fast.

I agree with the above posters. Maybe his job stress is getting to him, maybe not. My gut says that he got freaked out due to how fast you two moved.

Keep busy with your own life, and pursue dating other people. If you still want to date this guy, and he is still interested, I would back way off and move at a much slower pace.

If a guy I had been dating for 2 weeks wanted to introduce me to his family, I would think that was extremely odd.

Since you've owned pairs of socks longer than you've known him you have no idea if he is an honest or straightforward person - you only know, in the short time you've known him in person, that his behaviors have been honest and straightforward. You also know that you are seeing him in a positive light because you are so into him. Not saying to be negative, just saying to hold off on deciding you "know" someone that intimately through typing and talking and a few dates - despite that he introduced you to his family, etc

Many people love the beginnings, the thrill of the chase - it's romantic, exciting- and then after about two months, particularly if reality interferes (meaning job stresses or other stresses which we all have) if it's not as thrilling anymore they move on to the next romantic pursuit. That's why I am a fan of getting to know someone at a reasonable pace over time -and after about 6 to 9 months or more, after you've known the person through a few seasons, a performance review at work, a bad cold or the flu, holidays, family situations, friend situations, etc. then you start to know how he is in a variety of situations and where it doesn't all revolve around the honeymoon period and romancing you.

I had a similar situation some years ago. I met him on line. We dated for two months. For the first 7 weeks I met his family, best friends, he spoke of taking me to Paris for valentines day (which was 3 months away), talked a bit about marriage in the next year or so, called me every day and saw me a few times a week including a weekend away. I was not smitten - I took it slowly on purpose and there were a few question marks I had about his employment, potential drug/alcohol issues and a potential ex girlfriend issue. In week 8, it all changed.

There were very harsh/rude comments, he got wasted for the first time in front of me (and his family!) and treated me disrespectfully and meanly, he cancelled plans twice with no real reason and finally there was a lame, half-hearted apology the morning after a particularly bad night (our last date.). I was surprised to see this side of him but not shocked - it was post honeymoon and this sort of thing happens. I've had a few similar experiences over the years as have my friends.

It sounds like your situation - I would back off and let him be in touch with you and don't settle for scraps. I would cut him a little slack because of the job stress of course but not to the point where he is treating you badly.

I've been in a similar situation before and I agree that you should get on with your life and don't sit there waiting for him. If he was truly serious about you as he said he was then he wouldn't be using 'excuses' as to why he hasn't been in contact. In my opinion it doesn't take hours or days to send a simple text message or make a phone call to see how you are after all it didn't stop him in the past. You don't want to find yourself in the position that you've been wasting time waiting for him while it sounds to me like he's getting on with his life, it'll only hurt and upset you because you'll feel unappreciated and disrespected.

Thanks for the insight. I was quite shocked also when he introduced me to everyone, I was not ready for that at all and so that is what really has me confused. I wouldn't be taking this so seriously if he weren't the one who made things so serious so fast. He even told me that after this thing with his job blows over, that he would like to take it slow and get to know me better. Well, that's a little too late, isn't it? I do like the man and I don't want to go back into the dating field at this moment..i'm just a little unsure of where i stand. I have given him his space, we haven't talked in 3 days...when we did talk, things were getting better with his job. How long am I supposed to give this 'needing to be alone' time? I just don't know where i stand and i want to ask him that but i'm afraid i'll come off too needy. He has said multiple times he 'doesn't play games' and I genuinely believe that's true as he said he's very serious with his relationships and is not the type to beat around the bush. I guess i'm making too big a deal about this. It's just frustrating and I feel a bit of anger you could go so cold on someone so fast.

Actions speak louder than words. You really haven't known him that long to get so upset. But in reality I have been there and it is hard to shake the " * * *" feeling. Introducing you to everyone really doesn't mean a thing. I have been introduced to good friends, family, etc and got rave reviews from them and the guy still split. You might have invested into this guy way too much and way too soon.

Don't wait, don't call, don't waste more time than it's worth worrying about this guy. I can guarantee he is not fretting over you. (and I don't mean that to hurt you)

He has said multiple times he 'doesn't play games' and I genuinely believe that's true as he said he's very serious with his relationships and is not the type to beat around the bush.

Just another thought- for people who have only been dating for 2 weeks, you 2 seem to have had quite a few conversations about relationships and your relationship.

This is another red flag to me. I don't need a guy who tells me (multiple times) that "he doesn't play games." I have never said that to anyone I've been dating in my life- because I don't play games, and people I date don't think I play games. I don't know, it just seems odd that he has said that to you multiple times.

Anyways, as other posters have said, you really know nothing about him or his character after 2 weeks, so you have to go by his actions, which seem flaky and very hot/cold- not something I'd be into in a potential boyfriend.

You mentioned you didn't want to pursue dating others, can I ask why?

He sounds to me to be a bit of 'player' and he's tried to reel you in by introducing you to all of his friends and family but the truth of the matter is I've introduced plenty of 'potentials' to my friends and family too because its very important for me that they are able to get on, in saying that it doesn't necessarily mean that I will have a serious relationship with them. The problem with internet dating is that things become too serious too soon, you build a familliarity that's difficult to replicate when you do finally meet in real life bacause some people may be more shy and coy in person, things are easier to say in emails, texts and letters as you don't have to deal with the other person's reaction, perhaps he feels that things aren't as he expected them to be and that scared him off. All in all, it's not your fault but I still think that you should move on, if you don't know where you stand now how is it going to be in the future? You say he is being truthful but I don't think he is if he can't even tell you what you mean to him or you're too afraid to ask. That's just my opinion.

It's up to you to control the pace - you chose to go along with moving things fast and meeting his family and friends as well as reading into it. Of course he should not lead you on but don't discount your responsibility in this either - a good thing to remember for next time. If someone is moving fast you have the choice to say nicely but firmly "I really am enjoying getting to know you but why don't we see each other once or twice a week for now so that we both don't get overwhelmed or move too fast - I am looking for long term and that seems to be a more appropriate way to go."

I think i'm reading too much into everything. At this point it shouldn't be getting to me this much, I know...so why it is, I'm not quite sure. I just don't like that if this is infact his 'escape' plan, he couldn't just come right out and say it. I never really had a chance to tell him I wasn't ready to meet his parents, he sprung it on me. We talked about our previous relationships and he was mentioning about his last g/f he hadn't introduced to them even after 6 months because he wasn't that into her. Guess that should be red flag also. Why waste someones time if you're not into them.

I'm not interested in dating at the moment as this seems to happen too often with me. I get too interested too fast and get hurt and I just want some time alone if this one doesn't work out.

Frankly, he doesn't have to explain to you. If he isn't interested he can just up and leave. There was no commitment. I know that it sucks I have been there and wanted an explanation. ((Sigh)) However, I was not entitled or given one, I just had to accept it. Plain and Simple.

Take a look at why you invest yourself so soon? Why you don't slow down the pace?

Referring to me as his girlfriend and calling me his girlfriend would imply some commitment. Who knows, I guess i'll just have to get over it.

Referring to me as his girlfriend and calling me his girlfriend would imply some commitment. Who knows, I guess i'll just have to get over it.

I'm sorry this happened to you- you seem down & discouraged about it, and of course that's natural.

Once you give yourself some time to be down in the dumps, I really think you should follow the suggestions of some other posters- and examine why you were so swept up in this situation and why you were willing to go along with what you knew was an unhealthy pace for a new relationship.

I think being clear about that will be helpful in making sure things turn out differently with the next guy you date. Good luck!

I think it will be far more productive for you to see where you made choices here - including meeting his parents and choosing not to discuss what he meant by "girlfriend" and seeing him very often so that you feel less like a victim and next time you can make different choices (or the same ones, knowing the risks better than you did this time). I agree that he should have been careful with his words and actions - when you get to know someone over time - 6 to 9 months or more- you start to see whether the words are consistent with the actions.

I experienced the very same situation 6 mths ago with a guy - except his caving / back-out was due to a personal family crisis. I know how you feel. I am still tormented over what was the truth and what wasn't along with that horrible rejected feeling. He too made lame efforts to meet up - obviously during times when he was less-pre-occupued with his crisis - and then cancelled / returned to cave. I have slowly come around to giving him the benefit of the doubt and believing his words about being too busy for a relationship [despite the huge potential success it might have been], because it closes the painful chapter and makes me feel that circumstances were just not right for us to have that relationship. Other times I believe he is in fact a bit of a coward for dumping me so tactfully behind an "excuse" - and I don't do cowards(!!!) - so that also helps me move on.

Now I am incredibly but positively busy and pre-occupied with my home, work life and hobbies. However, I am proud to say that despite being busy, I would ALWAYS find time for someone close. Unlike our cavemen it seems.....

I read the Men are from Mars, Women from Venus...book and the cave thing is dealt with in detail. It may help. It may be a load of nonsense - but you are entitled to have YOUR theory about what ended that lovely time you had with your ex. And sometimes theories are all we have in the absense of truth because people are just not as transparent as we would wish them to be!

Some excellent advice posted here - trust it. Great to find we are "not alone' excuse the pun. Best of luck....

I guess I just need to learn to not take these things so personally. I seem to blame myself for everything, thinking what I could have done differently. I may not think like a man but I sure don't think a call every 3 days or a text before bed is too much to ask. We went 4 days without talking and when i broke down and called him and asked what the problem was, he acted dumbfounded...as if going that long without contact is a normal, okay thing when i'm sitting here pathetically waiting for him to call. I am quite new to serious relationships so maybe i need more experience.

I think in the very beginning certain people only call a few times a week and mostly just to make a plan to get together.