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Thread: Girlfriend reluctant to go down on me. Why?

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend reluctant to go down on me. Why?

    This has been a contentious issue for the better part of our relationship. My g/f and I have a great sex life in every area except this one. She definitely loves receiving, but when it comes to actually performing oral, she simply won't do it unless I ask for it two or three times during a given session.

    She previously owned up to the fact that perhaps she was "a little selfish" in this department and said she would try to change her ways. Unfortunately, nothing has progressed. Her excuses range from "I prefer doing other stuff" to "it makes my mouth hurt after a while."

    Initiating 69 is usually a surefire way to get her to go down (only because she's getting something out of it too). When she least expects it, I tend to go down on her, and it's obvious that she enjoys it to the max. That spontaneity is not being reciprocated, and sometimes it gets me frustrated.

    Why is it that some girls generally don't like going down on guys? What should I do or tell her to hopefully facilitate change in this department?

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    Yeah some just don't like it. Does she swallow? She might not like the taste, in which case I hear eating pineapples helps.
    She might just have a strong gag reflex..
    She might feel stupid for doing it. Just look at those porn pictures and how guys dominate girls. Of course, she should feel differently if you two really care about each other and she knows that.

    Have you tried just asking her why she won't do it?

  3. #3
    ElektraHere's Avatar
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    If she is saying she is "selfish" that is well.....selfish. Sex is not a one way highway, it is an expression for both people.

    Do you think the reason she doesn't like to do it is because she just doesn't know how to? Some women use all sorts of excuses of NOT doing it because they just don't know how to do it and don't want to be embarrassed. What have you said to her about it? How about making it a "class lesson?" Make it into a role playing game. This way it sort of takes her out of the situation so the mistakes are part of the "game."

    Sex is a very vulnerable situation for a girl and a guy, because this is when your letting it ALLLLL hang out. Literally.

    I used to HATE it, but my first time at that was forced so I had a tough time doing it to others. I then realized that it wasn't even about that later on in my life, it was more I was a germ phobe and felt like an ass doing it. Well, it took a special guy that I was with to help me over that and now its a normal to do as the rest of the fun activity.

    Try the role playing activity so that she can make her fumbles and bumbles as the character and not feel so self-conscious.

  4. #4
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    ... previously owned up to the fact that perhaps she was "a little selfish" in this department and said she would try to change her ways. Unfortunately, nothing has progressed. Her excuses range from "I prefer doing other stuff" to "it makes my mouth hurt after a while.""

    She is selfish. Stand firm now or you'll get less and less. Her excuses are just excuses to get out of what she should be doing, given how well you perform for her. If you let her continue this behavior, excuses are the only thing you'll get more of.

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    Just to add:

    If she is not giving you oral, you shouldn't be giving her oral either... It's only fair. She is selfish for not returning the pleasure. I don't know about anyone else but I would never, ever let my ex do anything new sexually if I wasn't ready to return the pleasure and enjoy it.

  7. #6
    Silver Member rootcause43's Avatar
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    My ex was the same way. LOVED receiving and she got it 9/10 times we had sex. I enjoyed giving. And sometimes I didn't want to but I did because I knew she loved it and I enjoyed watching her actions as she received. But the reciprocation was far less.

    When I pressed her about it... she said: "It's a lot of work doing THAT. There is a reason they call it a blow JOB"

    ..... as if I never got a sore jaw.... grrrrrrr........

    We didn't talk about it much after that. She would still do it on occasion but I never asked again. She was a stubborn one.

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    Originally Posted by rootcause43
    My ex was the same way. LOVED receiving and she got it 9/10 times we had sex. I enjoyed giving. And sometimes I didn't want to but I did because I knew she loved it and I enjoyed watching her actions as she received. But the reciprocation was far less.

    When I pressed her about it... she said: "It's a lot of work doing THAT. There is a reason they call it a blow JOB"

    ..... as if I never got a sore jaw.... grrrrrrr........

    We didn't talk about it much after that. She would still do it on occasion but I never asked again. She was a stubborn one.
    Wow that must have been pretty tough to hear! It's good that she's an ex now, isn't it?
    What's in relationship isn't a job? It's all a job.... but it's how you choose to see it that counts. If you care about someone, nothing is a job.. it's a pleasure to please your partner... in any way.

  9. #8
    Silver Member rootcause43's Avatar
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    As you know, I've had my issues getting over her, because she had a lot of redeeming qualities. But yes, this did frustrate me and was a symptom of her damn stubbornness!!!!

    And slowly I am becoming happier she is gone!

  10. #9
    Gold Member sharsachan's Avatar
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    Before my husband, I had only ever gown down on a guy once. I was in high school and so was he, but he had told me I was horrible at it and I was so devastated and became so self conscious that I never wanted to try again. I made up the excuse of being afraid to put anything but food or a toothbursh in my mouth for fear of germs, and after 8 years of lying it became habit. When I got with my husband in the beginning, i simply told him I didnt like giving oral and I was sorry. He said that was okay.

    It took me over six months of being with my man before I felt confident enough with him to even offer to him that I might be willing to try but I made him promise not to make fun of me. He was very confused and said "Why would I make fun of you? I love you" and I told him the story.

    Maybe she's selfish, or Maybe your girl has something like that hiding in her past. I don't know, but I speak from experience that it was a very huge blow to be told I was horrible at it. Just my reasoning.
    Last edited by sharsachan; 07-19-2007 at 05:47 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member flower99's Avatar
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    Yep she sounds selfish & admits to being selfish...maybe spoiled too ...you give it & give it & she does nothing in return.

    honestly I have gotten that way in my relationship, it's the first relationship with such a giving guy. So I know I can keep getting it & I rarely have to give it, I can get lazy & selfish and get away with it.... terrible I know, but I recongize it & be more giving.

    I suggest stop giving it....maybe that will change her tune.
    and open her eyes.
    Last edited by flower99; 07-19-2007 at 06:17 PM.

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