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Thread: I'm attracted to my FIRST cousin...

  1. #1
    WalkinOnSunshine
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    I'm attracted to my FIRST cousin...

    Well I wasn't really sure where to put this...

    But since there's not an "Is this normal?" category or one called, "What's wrong with me?!", I decided to put it here.

    My family's not very close-knit. I used to hang out with my cousins (girls and boys) when I was younger but we all just grew apart as we got older. wHen we were kids I was pretty close with one cousin in particular. Hes like two years older and I liked him best because he was nicest to me out of everyone of my cousins.

    Over the past ten years or so I have only seen him a few times and we don't keep in contact.

    Earlier this year I saw him when I went home for my sister's wedding and right away, all I could think was, "This isn't good..."

    Yes, I was attracted to him immediately. Now, all of my other male cousins are attractive guys (well, most of them, lol) but I'm not attracted to them--just him.

    He's a really sweet guy; we just sat and talked and caught up for a long time--it got to the point where the rest of the family started teasing us for ignoring everyone else.

    He has a great sense of humor and when we werent talking he was playing around with the kids, which I found endearing.

    He travels a lot for business and when we were talking we realized that he comes to my city a few times a year for his job. He suggested that he stop by the next time he's in town (which will be three weeks...) and then jokingly said he may as well just stay with me so I can cook him dinner (apparently, I make really good biscuits, lol).

    We exchanged phone numbers and I told him to let me know when he's in town and I'll definitely make him dinner.

    The wedding was in March and he's called me a few times since then and the conversations are always great.

    It's just really weird because, if you subtract the fact that we're freaking related, I'd be 99 percent sure this was the beginning of a great relationship.

    Part of me doesn't mind being attracted to him and, if I'm completely honest, in a perfect world I wouldn't mind pursuing a relationship...if there weren't going to be any underlying complications (i.e., potential awkwardness and, most of all, the disapproval of our families).

    In addition, from the way we interact with eachother, I have an idea that he might be somewhat attracted to me, as well. Our conversations are light-hearted, but he often initiates light flirting.

    Still, though...considering my budding feelings for him, I don't know if I should invite him over when he comes to town. We've vaguely discussed him staying with me for the week he's here but nothing's settled because he doesn't know how much driving he's going to need to do once he's here.

    I'm not worried about initiating any sexual, really, it's just that I almost feel like it'd be easier to move beyond my attraction to him if he wasn't staying with me for a week.

    I have two questions, I guess:
    First, should I let him stay with me when he comes and, if not, how do I tell him that I've changed my mind about it without seeming flakey?

    And second, is it really SO wrong that I'm attracted to him? The only reasons I can find that make it a problem (at least in my head) is that our family wouldn't approve, but other than that, am I really such a terrible person?

  2. #2
    Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll

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    i wouldnt say your a terrible person but you do know that that's incest right? if you were too date him and or have sex with him........i can understand the feelings, but I think you shouldnt act on them, i mean hes your cousin for goodness sakes, and a 1st cousin at that.......i rly think you would regret this if you let it go any further

  3. #3
    JadedStar
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    And second, is it really SO wrong that I'm attracted to him? The only reasons I can find that make it a problem (at least in my head) is that our family wouldn't approve, but other than that, am I really such a terrible person?

    It is not wrong to be attracted to a cousin, because we can't control attraction. Cousins (unlike siblings we grow up with and see differently) are just regular people that happen to share our genetics. But bieng WITH a cousin is extremely taboo and you will not only take flack from your family but many people will judge you for this. Right or wrong it's going to happen.

    Being attracted to him is not controllable. Not acting on the attraction is. There are always times in our lives where it is not appropriate to act on an impulse or an attraction. This is one of them. I'd take this as a lesson in growing up and not act on this.

    I am sure more people than not had a hot cousin that they were attracted to, but they didn't act on it. Anyone can be attracted to a nice looking person and just because someone is our cousin doesn't mean they can't be good looking.

    I suggest you look outside of the family tree for dates because this is going to cause you much much headache if you act on it.

  4. #4
    ONE HOT MAMA

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    WOS. I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Chemistry is weird, and you can't always help who you are attracted to. It just happens that way. I have had a few relatives that I found really attractive...but
    knowing we were related DID always put that "Ewww' factor in it, which sort of kept things in check for me. lol

    As for inviting him over, that's your call.I see nothing wrong with it as long as you can keep yourself in check.Another reason is because HE might not feel like this at all, and imagine the embarrassment if he doesn't? Just something to think about.

  5. #5
    Thalia
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    But bieng WITH a cousin is extremely taboo

    Really? Not here. In the past marriage between cousins were commonplace and even encouraged (for economical reasons). I am slightly put off by the idea but maybe it's because I grew up with my cousins, so they're really family.

  6. #6
    JadedStar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thalia [Register to see the link]
    But bieng WITH a cousin is extremely taboo

    Really? Not here. In the past marriage between cousins were commonplace and even encouraged (for economical reasons). I am slightly put off by the idea but maybe it's because I grew up with my cousins, so they're really family.
    Well let me reword that. It is highly taboo in the US and some other countries. There are countries where this is desirable and wealthy families ONLY marry cousins and other family.

    I assumed she is living in the US. If she lives in a country that does not see this as taboo that makes a difference. My assumption was based on the way her post was worded - in other words if she lived in a country like yours I don't think she would be creating this post worrying about her attraction.

  7. #7
    Leonhart

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thalia [Register to see the link]
    But bieng WITH a cousin is extremely taboo

    Really? Not here. In the past marriage between cousins were commonplace and even encouraged (for economical reasons). I am slightly put off by the idea but maybe it's because I grew up with my cousins, so they're really family.
    That's true. Monarchies often practised this. Just as polygamy was also commonplace (and still is in some places) for thousands of years.

  8. 07-07-2007, 02:35 PM

  9. #8
    ONE HOT MAMA

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    Yeah, in the U.S. dating a cousin is usually looked down upon or called "inbreeding"

  10. #9
    Zackinlaw

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    Well let me reword that. It is highly taboo in the US and some other countries.
    I would say "looked down on" in the US, not highly taboo. In a few states, first cousin marriages are illegal, in most, they are not.

    Zack.

  11. 07-07-2007, 02:46 PM

  12. #10
    WalkinOnSunshine
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    Quote Originally Posted by ONE HOT MAMA [Register to see the link]
    Yeah, in the U.S. dating a cousin is usually looked down upon or called "inbreeding"
    Yes, yes, I live in the U.S.

    And yes, as someone mentioned above, I realize that it's called incest.
    And no, for the reason that I mentioned (basically the disapproval of family AND society) it's not going beyond being attracted to him. So that really makes whether or not he feels the same way a moot point, regardless.

    I'm just saying that, given the circumstances, I'd expect myself to feel like a bad person, but I don't.

    Honestly, I'm more grossed out by the idea of dating a close male friend than I would be about dating (in theory) my first cousin.

    I think it's because, as someone said, it's weird to have romantic feelings about someone that you grew up with. Yes, he's family, but we've basically been strangers for the past decade.

    So...I guess this post has turned more philosophical than anything else.

    WHY is incest wrong? Okay, given--I understand that brother/sister, mother/son, father/daughter, etc. relationships are frowned upon because of the potential for DNA issues, but why would it be wrong if he turned out to feel the same way?

    I feel like a great deal of the "incest taboo" is based on social views, which, in my opinion, is a bit odd considering no one can tell me why it's wrong, just why it's not right.

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