Romance Blossoming from Friendship

Hey all,

A friend of mine is kind of in a bit of emotional turmoil right now (aren't we all, thought? Haha!) I was hoping some of you might be able to share examples of loving, passionate long-term relationships that blossomed from friendship, especially in cases where there was no initial chemistry.

In other words, did you and your significant other fall in love gradually, perhaps even over the course of years, maybe missing your destiny with one another for a period of time as you searched for love with others? You see, I have about a million examples of cases where attraction grew over time for me... But my friend takes that with a grain of salt because I never like ANYONE from the get-go.

So, anyone?

Hmm..

I heard that it's the oppossite for men and women. It takes a guy much faster to have those feelings for a woman, because he first falls in love wiith her with his eyes; whereas for women, we fall in love with a guy either for his intelligence/or heart and how he makes us feel, so it takes a little longer for us to develop those feelings.

Then again, the reverse can also be true for men/women, where it takes a bit more time on the guy's part, and less time on the woman's part to fall in love.

In terms of romantic relationships developing into long-lasting friendships..sure, it happens pretty often. After a while, the passion fades, then the long-term companionship of having your partner as a friend kicks in, and that's where some couples who are wise, sustain longer lasting relationships, because they have realistic expectations.

From my experiences, one of my past relationships is what you describe in your topic. He made the moves hardcore in the beginning, and I didn't find him attractive at all. Over time, I started to find him a bit more attractive, due to attachment. Then eventually, thngs simmered out, and he eventually came out to be more like a "brother" to me, zero attraction/physical chemistry.

Hope this helps.

I can't believe not many people have posted on this

I am a man and have been friends with a woman for a few years. We had only ever been friends previously and that was at that stage all we wanted. We spent time talking about who we fancied and things, but for years we never thought of getting together.

The friendship kind of changed and we noticed an attraction. When we first met there wasn't a spark (I don't think either of us felt attracted to each other at that point), and although I liked her there was some chemistry missing.

As friends we got to know loads about each other. I started to love spending time with her and I began to think more along the lines of wow she is really great, and really attractive. She gives me butterflies now (that never happened when we were just friends) and there is most definitely chemistry. She must have eventually thought the same (can't think why as I am a pain in the neck ) because otherwise we'd still just be friends.

The advantage of starting out as friends is that you are not relying on just chemistry. There is something else there - the friendship and that can really help.

It's happened to me once before with my ex, so it's a real possibility......

Any help?

I let this run for posting again to give anyone else a chance to post, but I guess no one else has. I think it's strange. I think there should be lots of examples of people moving from friends to relationships but hey...

Weren't you affraid that you will loose her friendship by trying to reach relationship level?

Yes I was a bit. In the end though I thought about it and decided that if she didn't feel the way I did she would tell me so but also try and keep the friendship. I also think that good friends should be able to deal with "problems" between them. Oh and also I got good signals off her.

As for advice to other people who "fancy a friend" I'd say the following (just my opinion!).

If you never do anything about it you'll always have that "what if" in the back of your mind, and you could miss out on something great.

If you think that you both get on well with each other and are good friends your friend may well be understanding if you fancy them and they don't fancy you. It might cause friction but you could be able to get over this.

Take it slowly. Do this especially if there was no chemistry to begin with. If you lunge for a kiss unexpectedly and out of the blue it might not go down well at all. A slow build up gives you both a chance to decide whether this is wanted or that it's not going to work before it goes too far.

I can tell you from experience that it can happen and it does. I was friends with my boyfriend for 6+ months (he was dating my friend) and all we did was hang out at the bar and they would come to my place and watch movies. Him and I started talking about cars (yes I am a female that loves cars lol). Then they broke up and he came to me hurt and upset because of the situation. We just kept hanging out at the same bar with the same people and one thing led to another and i believe that he is my soul mate. I havent ever been in a relationship like this, never been happier. So yes it can happen.

Yeah if you are true friends to begin with and have a good line of communication I believe that if the relationship fails you can still be friends.

^^^

I think that is actually extremely healthy, and as it should be. I imagine it would be a recipe for a true loving bond between two people. I fell in love slowly once, when I was very young. Nothing came of that because of circumstances. But I still feel the same way about him.

Every other time it's been: WHAM!

Which is why I seem to fall in love with unsuitable people. I don't know what it is. If I was a man I'd say I was thinking with my penis but I don't have a penis.

And it's not looks, especially. It's a weird combination of their uncertainty+interest+beautiful eyes= me drooling at the mouth.

Sad.

after I kissed my friend that I knew for years I didnt like the person he turned into. I liked him better as friend. So I can say I wish I never kissed my friend.

I've had the exact opposite happen to me. I've had romances that withered into friendships.

I think it's kind of sad that there aren't more stories about friendships turning into more though.

I'm still in love with my friend Andrew. We met at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. I guess he came there from California, realized he missed his home state, and so attached himself to our friendship as a way to deal.

We were both attending the School of Ocean and Earth Science and Technology. So I began dreaming of us working together, marrying, traveling. Oh- he was so beautiful too! We both had similar causes that we stood for and became so close. Or so I thought.

It turned out he really wanted to pursue modeling in LA (and he could have with his figure and face) and he changed the course of his dreams. He moved back to California. He's still single and we're still close- he's always interesting in what I'm doing, and I'm always interested in HIM... and no other guy can I pay attention to. He calls me "my girly" and "my girl."

When we first met, he said, "You are the most beautiful soul who stands out to me in this room." stared at me and then laughed saying, "my mom back home told me that was the surest way to get points with a girl. But I like to keep it simple. I'm Andrew. What's your name?" Charm. Wit. He had so much, he lived so free. He even said that if he could he would walk around naked all the time (maybe that's why he loves modeling so much- I dunno).

But ah! My heart hurts everytime he calls me. My dreams are shattered. My ideas of soulmate lost. Sometimes, life doesn't go as you planned and I think it's so we learn there neednt be a plan. Look for the perfection in things As Is. If you try to control relationships too much, pain comes from the process. That is the hardest lesson I've ever learned, and more and more, I'm telling myself to see Andrew as a friend...letting go of my heart forced fantasies about him and me. But hey, tis better to have loved than not at all.