6 to 7 Year Age Gap?

I am friends with someone who is 23, and I am 30. I have known her for years but because of the distance apart we live we haven't met up much. Lately we have been visiting each other much more often on weekends.

We have only ever been friends and when I first met her that was all I wanted and that was all she wanted. We used to talk about the people we fancied and there was never a suggestion at all of us ever hooking up with each other. I always regarded her as too young to go out with. I have only ever been out with people my own age, and my ex was about a year older than me.

As we have been meeting up more often over the past few months we have found out we get on really well in person. She has made it clear she is attracted to me and I am attracted to her. She's of the opinion that men are generally emotionally "younger" than women and sees nothing strange about the age gap. One of her best friends is about her age and goes out with someone much older. We are kind of at the same "stage" in life having both finished university and both working.

I am kind of worried that the age gap might become a problem. Plus we live far apart. Also not many of our friends and family know about this. We met online years ago (not a dating site) and like it or not there is still a lot of stigma attached to this. People might think of the age gap and wonder how we met, and as yet neither of us know the best thing to say. Any experiences or ideas anyone? Thanks in advance for any input.

If you are speaking of her or your family or friends, only they can tell us. If you are speaking of society in general, you are of what I have been told are the limits of respectability. I was once told a formula, take the man's age, divide by half, add seven to the half, and the resulting number age below which the man should not date, in terms of social acceptability. So in your case, 30 divided by 2 is 15, 15 plus 7 is 22, and she is older than that.

Do people know that you know each other? When I met women online, I would agree to "meet" then somewhere. When asked, that was where we met. End of story. Sure our meeting was arranged before we got there, but we had never seen each other before we both got there, so that's where we met. I told the truth, and nothing but the truth, but not the whole truth.

I think what's important here is that you are at similar stages in life- both completed college and working. I wouldn't say that men in general are more immature than women (seems a grossly ignorant generalization, doesn't it?)

But the point is that if you are attracted to one another and are at similar stages in your life, and the fact that you are both adults well over the age of 18, there's nothing wrong with getting together with her and dating.

I think once you are past a certain age then a 7 year age gap really isn't all that much. It would be one thing if she were 15 and you were 22, but you are both consenting adults who are supporting yourselves and who have had the college experience and are now working careers.

I'm 31 and one of my best friends will be 38 this year, but you couldn't tell an age difference by us!

Best of luck with your new relationship.

PS- stigma attached to meeting someone online? or the age gap?

FYI I met my guy online almost 5 years ago and we are happily still together and living together now. Nothing wrong with that!

Didn't we just have a thread about this?

I was 34 when I met my current wife, and she was 21. Now I am 38 and she is 25 and things could not be better. If you get along well as friends, have sexual chemistry, and are of the same frame of mind for what you want out of life... go for it.

By the way, that whole "age formula" is complete and utter garbage, as far as I am concerned.

I guess i just wanted to give my two cents. I guess im the only one that is not so sure about this. i guess i just wanted to give my viewpoint so if im no help be sure to move on. I just came out a relationship like this. i guess the friendship thing is good but its alot more about how the both of u are in a relationship. A relationship is a much closer bond and involves alot of aspects that people have alot of trouble with because we dont always have so much experience in those same situations. I feel like if u are in a good place and so is she then thats a very important issue which i dont see anything wrong with what u said.

I am just saying this because i never had a friendship like the one i had with my ex and that lead us to take it to the next level but since that happened everything changed. Its just the online thing is kinda tough sometimes because u live in a small world when u talk to the person. Its like u dont always get to see how she deals with life but if u have met many times thats a good first step. I would just say that it will make things more complicated because u care alot about this person and might add some pressure to the situation. Its like now u worry about other things where before it was more friendly. I guess if its a healthy relationship then i would advise that its seems ok but alot changes once things change from friends to lovers. I would just take it slow and not rush it so much because of how long ur friendship was. You might think that could maybe make things easier. Its also really important to talk about what u expect from the relationship. I have seen how having different expectations can change lots of stuff just like with life things might not work out. I guess i just dont want u to look at it likes its guaranteed. I would treat this just like any other relationship and also if it doesnt work out then maybe u could still be friends but its hard so maybe not. I would i guess try to get feedback on her way of seeing things as well so that will give u an idea. I do see this like a good thing between u two but i just wanted to put alittle different spin on the subject.

I was once told a formula, take the man's age, divide by half, add seven to the half, and the resulting number age below which the man should not date, in terms of social acceptability.

I like that formula its pretty cook. However depending on the age you use you can get a huge age cap. I did it for me 17/2+7=15.5 and thats not bad then I did it with my dad 50/2+7=32 and thats like 18 years youger then him.

Anyways down to business I think that a 30 year old and a 23 year old going out is acceptable, There is not a huge age gap. I personally think this way about dating that 16 the youngest and like 22 the oldest, but I am 17. When your at much older age then I think 10 years at a MAXIMUM. But 6-7 is even better, so I say go for it its nothing to worry about.

I'm going to say it again ... that formula is hogwash. Who cares? If I had followed that formula, I would never have dated my current wife, and we're PERFECT together. Stunning. Amazing. Wonderful. Perfect.

Don't let society or someone else's "rules" tell you how to live, so long as you're not breaking any laws!

My boyfriend is 7 years older than me and we have a fantastic relationship. You wont know if things will work out unless you give it a shot. If you like each other i say go for it!

Don't let society or someone else's "rules" tell you how to live, so long as you're not breaking any laws!

I think whether someone is willing to do this or is not is an issue PocoDiablo. You met and dated your wife and seem not to care what anyone else's popinions are about whether your age gap is acceptable. Great, good for you.

However, some people are not willing to go outsdie such societal norms. I think when you look at what society thinks are the norms, the formula works pretty well. Most of people would not have an issue with a ten year age gap when the couple was 45 & 35, even less so at 55 & 45. However, when you get to 30 & 20, or 25 & 15, many would look askance at it.

Your relationship works for you. And you don't care about someone else's rules, and that's great, and I don't see anyone judging. But for someone who cares and would mind if society consdiered what they were doing to be taboo, the formula works.

I've broken a few societal taboos, in my past. With respect to age, I know there was a relationship I had years ago when I was in a relationship when we were the exact ages of Red Fox and the woman in question. However, she was older.

Oh, believe me, there were a lot of people judging. Her two older brothers and her father were none too happy. Really, that's their problem. The wife and I have an incredible relationship, like nothing I've ever experienced.

You know how you meet people and they tell you "Oh, as soon as I met them, I knew we would be together forever? Like soulmates?" and you roll your eyes and think they're nuts? I used to think people like that were nuts, too. Well, on our first date I just *knew* we were soulmates (which I never believed in before) and that we were going to be together forever. 4+ years later we're going stronger than ever. It's CRAZY how close we are.

All I am saying is ... if it's right, don't let anyone talk you out of it. They're probably just jealous, don't know the facts, or are a prude. Put your needs first, because often no one else will.

Thank for your replies everyone. Lots to think about. I'll go ahead and try my best and see how it goes. It's got long distance, a bit of an age gap, and maybe some issues with us having been friends before that could cause friction. But I think it has potential to be well worth it.

I wouldn't say that men in general are more immature than women (seems a grossly ignorant generalization, doesn't it?)

Yes when you put it like that it does. What I said was most likely nothing like she phrased it. I'm going to stick my neck out though and say that I think that generally men are a little bit more likely to end up physically fighting, taking silly risks, and not as able to express their feelings as well (although this can equally apply to many women). Sorry a bit off topic.

PS- stigma attached to meeting someone online? or the age gap?

Both. I think that for a lot of people going out with someone you met online still has a fair bit of stigma.

FYI I met my guy online almost 5 years ago and we are happily still together and living together now. Nothing wrong with that!

I am glad it worked out for you both. Do you mind me asking if you lived fairly far apart when you met online?

Didn't we just have a thread about this?

Ah quite possibly. I didn't have a proper look through the forums

I have never heard of this "age formula". Where did it come from and who made it?

Age ain't nothing but a number. And I agree with PocoDiablo formula sucks.

I met my boyfriend online and he is 25, seven years older than me. The age gap hasn't affected us at all, and as for the stigma about how we met...I tell the people that matter, who I know will judge our relationship for what it is rather than prejudging it. Those who don't need to know get told we met in a club roughly halfway between where we live (as we also live about an hour's drive from each other). Same issues as you but I just don't think about it - we get on so well it's worth it.

My boyfriend and I are 7 years apart in age. He is 27, I am 20. We have been together for 2 and a half years though, and we have been living together for 6 months now. Our lives are completely different though. I am a college student, working on and off when I have time. He has a career that he has been his everyday life for 8 years. Sometimes things are really difficult between us, but the fact that we are at such different stages in our lives is a MAJOR part of it. Sense you and this lady are experiencing the same things right now (school, work, etc) this should REALLY help. I'd say, go for it! Oh, by the way... My boyfriend and I met on the website HotOrNot. Neither of us were on there to "find someone," it was just for fun... but we met and fell in love Still to this day I can't believe that HotOrNot is where we met!! (laughs).. that is just so silly. But anyway, we are both very much in love with each other, still after almost 3 years, and SO much that we've been through.

Go for it!

Good luck!

this is seriously no big deal.

my bf and i are 8 years apart (20 and 28 )

his sister is 26... dating someone 9 years older than herself.

my neighbor and her husband have a great marriage; 9 years between them.

In all these cases, the female is the younger one.

Especially at your age, there is definitely no problem with this "gap", if it is even worthy of that title.

no big deal. can't imagine anyone thinking this is a big deal. have no fears!