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Help! My Brother is a Psychopath


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Hi everyone,

I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I.

 

Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definitely plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accommodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself.

 

I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age.

 

My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.

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ohhhhhhh the old brother is a psycho thing............

 

i went thru this a while ago but i told him if he ever puts his hands on me again im going to hurt him anyways i'll get to the point

 

people like that need to be introduced to the real world.....

if he continues this he wont make it to see 30, cz what he does at home he feels he can get away with it, but other people outside the home will hurt him and wont think twice about it.......

 

im all for people like this and taking them to one of three locations

 

compton, california

Baltimore, Maryland

Detroit, Michigan

 

dump him off there and let him throw a temper fit or whatever he does and im sure by the end of the night the man will be reformed

 

 

other points are i think he may be clinically depressed.......it really sounds like it

 

or hes extreeamly introverted......those people u just have to let them be who they are

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I think he's also depressed.

I also think he does need to be introduced to the real world....He's 23. he doesn't do anything for himself, he lives there for free & has a maid (your mom) why would he ever leave?? he can do what he wants & still have a great life, free food, free home, freedom to do nothing all day long, free mail service. Nothing is expected of him, so he will achieve nothing.

he gets away with almost murder (that drunk car accident) he needs help before he kills someone. this is serious.

I think your parents need to follow through with the threat, if he didn't get therepy he would be kicked out....well he obviously knew that wouldn't happen. so he didn't do anything. They need to follow through, tough love!!! i

 

Maybe your parents feel guilty for the past, and that's why they let it slide... which in that case, I understand, but you can't parent out of guilt. it's still not healthy as you can see from your brothers life. Therepy would be an excellent step for him, he hasn't healed yet. And there for hasn't moved on.

As for what you can do....that's hard, if you feel you can talk to your parents try...maybe a note to them, let them know how it's affecting you too.I wish you luck, this is a tough one. you & your family are in my prayers.

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Wow... you seriously just describe my brother to a tee!!! There are four of us as well. My brother is an alcoholic, verbally abusive to my entire family, he's tried to hit and shoot bother of my siblings and myself. I totally understand your fears and your concerns. My brother has been like this for about the same time. He is so hurtful to my mother and I couldn't ever stand to see him do it again. However there has been no history of abuse in my family. Which makes his a little harder to understand for our family.

 

Well... the best thing would probably be some kind of intervention. He needs help. I don't even know if anything you say right now will get through to him. I've tried that before with my brother and had been broken down so badly by what he says sometimes I wonder why I forgave him.

 

He needs to get help from people who can handle this. I agree with what one of the poster's said. Take him to an institute. Take him to a place that can help him. It is hard to know what to do, we've done everything we could in trying to help our brother. Everything thinkable. But nothing has helped. And we are planning on taking him someplace away from here as well. Some place where he can get better.

 

For us the alcohol in our town is a sickness. It plagues every family, it ruins so many lives. And no one ever seeks the right help for it because there is none here. You have to take him away from everything he can hurt, everything that hurts him. And sit him in a place where he can learn how to recover, where he can get healthier.

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Sounds very familiar to me.. My ex wife's brother acted the EXACT same way 27 years old, still living with his parents refused to move out refused to get a job was angry at everyone pretty much all the time, (especially my father in law) had a serious drinking problem and refused to acknowledge it he spent the night in jail for beating up my sister in law he eventually commited suicide using my father in law's hunting rifle this was 15 years ago, my ex told me about his suicide note all the anger he had was directed at his father.

 

Your brother isn't a phychopath, from what I read he suffers from SEVERE depression. He needs help, an intervention or something Have you ever asked him why he is always so angry? is he happy behaving this way? chaces are he isn't happy at all. is there anyone? ANYONE AT ALL he listens to? or atleast doesn't scream or curse at I'm sorry this must be very hard for you..

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Psychopaths don't have emotions, so your brother isn't one. As other posters here have said, he sounds depressed, and as if he has a withdrawal disorder of some kind. He needs help badly and your parents need to give him an ultimatum to that effect.

 

He sounds like a western example of what are called in Japan, hikikomori, or young men who withdraw from the world and live in their bedrooms. Unfortunately your parents are abetting his behaviour and they shouldn't continue to do this.

 

It sounds like a period of hospitalization might be of great benefit.

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It sounds like a period of hospitalization might be of great benefit.

 

I definitely agree with you. The problem is that my parents won't do it. I have talked with my mother about this several times, and my father...they simply tell me that it's "none of my business" and that I shouldn't say anything. I know that they are definitely in denial, because it seems like whenever my brother causes trouble again...they make all these threats and never follow through. I have told my mother that my brother is an alcoholic, and she tells me that he isn't and to stop. However, she knows that he is. My Dad is a little more realistic about the situation. He knows that my brother has problems, but he works extremely hard and is never home to really deal with them. He leads a very stressful life so when he comes home, I think that a part of him just doesn't want to be bothered. I also think that a bigger part of him doesn't know what to do. I think that both my parents would be extremely hurt if they had to put my brother in a hospital, and that is why they won't do it. They're really just waiting for him to screw up again though, and he always does at least a few times a year.

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I just read your first post again. I had missed that your brother has a degree in psychology. It's amazing that he has learned this much about the subject and refuses medication and counseling. If he could only get his act together he could help thousands of people in his lifetime.

 

My son's first therapist had anxiety so bad that she holed up in her room for an entire year at one point. I think people who have experienced mental illness can really be of help to other people. It sounds like your brother could have potential, but if this keeps on he will only end up in a car crash killing himself and possibly others. This is too sad.

 

I have a brother who is in the very same shape, but sadly he is 39 and my parents didn't get him help in time. There's not much left of the poor guy. We don't know how on earth he has lived this long. One good thing is he gave up driving years ago. Actually he hardly ever did drive, and it's a good thing because he would have killed himself long ago. He is living in an old run down house my dad owns now, and he won't even pay his power bills. Our father does all that for him. And a few weeks ago my dad said brother had gone to a loan shark and borrowed a few bucks and put a nice gas heater up for collateral. My dad had to take the heater and hide it. Lifestyles of the poor and ignorant.

 

Maybe you should copy this thread and make your parents read it. There could be hope. Pride is more important than life to most people, isn't it?

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  • 4 weeks later...

I came here looking for some online support and found this thread.

 

My brother is the same way. 20 years old. Abusive to everyone. Actually, he's very 180 degrees. One minute he is fine, a nice guy. The next minute, something very trivial sets him off and he is like a timebomb. I have come very very close to calling the police during some of the incidents and the way he treats me and my mother. I feel so bad for her to deal with this. It's not easy for me either.

 

I cope by just distancing myself from everything. I know it sounds bad, but I just say to myself "this isn't your problem, just do your thing and let your parents deal with it". My brother and I do NOT have a good relationship, and trying to get involved does not help things.

 

My mom accuses me of not caring, but this is the only thing I can do to keep myself on the straight and narrow.

 

Oh forgot to mention, he has crashed (totalled) my mother's car. Twice. Her insurance is sky high now. These are just some of the things we deal with.

 

He's argumentative, abusive, and won't take any kind of advice or suggestions from ANYONE, no matter how trivial they might be (like "why don't you take a shower"). Never once have I ever heard him say anything along the lines of "okay I'll do that" or "yeah you're right". He argues EVERYTHING. He's always been like that, since he was in his early teens.

 

Like others have said, he was diagnosed with severy anxiety last year after one of his car crashes, also depression, and suffers from panic attacks. He was taking ativan, and a couple weeks ago, he overdosed and took 17 pillls and spent the afternoon in the hospital. Now he is on some other drug, but is suffering withdrawl from the first drug.

 

There are two problems. One is our medical system. Because he is 20 and considered an adult, my parents are not able to know what's going on with him. Any time he sees a doctor, it's private, and he doesn't share anything with my parents. When he overdosed, they wouldn't even keep him overnight because he said he wanted to go home, and there was nothing my mom could do. They had to release him. Any decisions need to be made by HIM, not my parents.

 

Next, is my parents. They refuse to give any 'tough love'. Never have, never will. My dad won't because his style of parenting is to be your best friend. He is the good guy, and my poor mother is always the bad guy. He is also out of town on business, usually 3 weeks at a time, and doesn't have a clue what it's like to live with him. Also, my mother is very afraid to give any tough love because she thinks it will put him over the edge and the result could be as severe as suicide.

 

So what to do, I have no idea. Tonight was pretty hard, he had a severe anger explosion. It's really hard to live with it.

 

It's a tough situation and I know what it's like.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Your parents are putting up with wayyyy more than they should be. Obviously he has anger issues and needs counseling. I think he purposely brings up all this old stuff to get his way.

 

Frankly, it's not fair to the rest of us that your parents are allowing him to continue to drink. Because then, he gets in the car and drives around, and may eventually kill one of us. He's wayyyyy too old to be playing the victim card. That's not to diminish what he went through, but now he has to figure out how to deal with it, get out on his own and hold down a job or two.

 

What can you do about it? Besides talk to your parents, nothing. But I'd appreciate it if you turned him into the police if he tries to drink and drive, even if your parents protest. Pick up the phone and call 911 and report him. If your parents wont force him to get help, maybe the courts or the police will.

 

If your brother was on the road with me and my child, and hit us while drunk, I'd kill him if he wasn't already dead.

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  • 9 years later...
Hi everyone,

I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I.

 

Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definitely plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accommodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself.

 

I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age.

 

My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.

 

I am in exactly the same situation, but my mum is not like yours, she seems to act like my younger psychopathic brother too. She seems to only want me as a son for her own benefit. I have never experienced am act of true love from my mum. I am only 12, my brother is 9. Like you said, he makes it look like he is the victim and all the blame is on "older brother". No matter how bad my brother treats my mum, or how obedient I am to my mum, my brother gains most respect. He also put on a very, high pitched innocent voice, often when he is accusing me or avoiding punishment.

 

He seems to be sexually immoral too, occasionally abusing my sister who is only 6, and saying things like "ya so sexy!" And "you're beautiful I want to marry you!". He says these things to me too, like "I love you" in such a manner full of lust and sass. It's more like "I luff yoo!!". And makes song parodies which often has the words sex, love. Despite him being extremely gay and as all psychopaths do, say I love you, he says, "HE'S THE WORST BROTHER

in DA WORLD!!! I WANT TO KILL HIM!!" And gives us all the reptilian look.

 

He is socially annoying too, throwing tantrums in the public, touching my 'areas' and my mum ain't give any sh*t. He pushes, punches me, in the public, and when I do it, I get in trouble. But there is rare occasions where my mum DOES kick him out of the house. And when it comes to unfair punishment brought before him, I try to save him. And him? He shows NO gratitude at ALL. None. He smirks then goes away. My mum, having a feeling of regret and defeat, she straightaway congratulates me, and monotonusly says what u did is good, blah blah blah.

 

My parents do not believe he is a psychopath, and they think he is "normal". I don't think THAT is normal. They won't let me bring him to a therapist, or tell the Church, even if I do, it is very awkward. My brother will magically appear and eavesdrop me too.

Pls help.

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