I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I.
Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definitely plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accommodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself.
I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age.
My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.