I came here looking for some online support and found this thread.
My brother is the same way. 20 years old. Abusive to everyone. Actually, he's very 180 degrees. One minute he is fine, a nice guy. The next minute, something very trivial sets him off and he is like a timebomb. I have come very very close to calling the police during some of the incidents and the way he treats me and my mother. I feel so bad for her to deal with this. It's not easy for me either.
I cope by just distancing myself from everything. I know it sounds bad, but I just say to myself "this isn't your problem, just do your thing and let your parents deal with it". My brother and I do NOT have a good relationship, and trying to get involved does not help things.
My mom accuses me of not caring, but this is the only thing I can do to keep myself on the straight and narrow.
Oh forgot to mention, he has crashed (totalled) my mother's car. Twice. Her insurance is sky high now. These are just some of the things we deal with.
He's argumentative, abusive, and won't take any kind of advice or suggestions from ANYONE, no matter how trivial they might be (like "why don't you take a shower"). Never once have I ever heard him say anything along the lines of "okay I'll do that" or "yeah you're right". He argues EVERYTHING. He's always been like that, since he was in his early teens.
Like others have said, he was diagnosed with severy anxiety last year after one of his car crashes, also depression, and suffers from panic attacks. He was taking ativan, and a couple weeks ago, he overdosed and took 17 pillls and spent the afternoon in the hospital. Now he is on some other drug, but is suffering withdrawl from the first drug.
There are two problems. One is our medical system. Because he is 20 and considered an adult, my parents are not able to know what's going on with him. Any time he sees a doctor, it's private, and he doesn't share anything with my parents. When he overdosed, they wouldn't even keep him overnight because he said he wanted to go home, and there was nothing my mom could do. They had to release him. Any decisions need to be made by HIM, not my parents.
Next, is my parents. They refuse to give any 'tough love'. Never have, never will. My dad won't because his style of parenting is to be your best friend. He is the good guy, and my poor mother is always the bad guy. He is also out of town on business, usually 3 weeks at a time, and doesn't have a clue what it's like to live with him. Also, my mother is very afraid to give any tough love because she thinks it will put him over the edge and the result could be as severe as suicide.
So what to do, I have no idea. Tonight was pretty hard, he had a severe anger explosion. It's really hard to live with it.
It's a tough situation and I know what it's like.
Thanks for letting me vent.