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Thread: Help! My Brother is a Psychopath

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    I came here looking for some online support and found this thread.

    My brother is the same way. 20 years old. Abusive to everyone. Actually, he's very 180 degrees. One minute he is fine, a nice guy. The next minute, something very trivial sets him off and he is like a timebomb. I have come very very close to calling the police during some of the incidents and the way he treats me and my mother. I feel so bad for her to deal with this. It's not easy for me either.

    I cope by just distancing myself from everything. I know it sounds bad, but I just say to myself "this isn't your problem, just do your thing and let your parents deal with it". My brother and I do NOT have a good relationship, and trying to get involved does not help things.

    My mom accuses me of not caring, but this is the only thing I can do to keep myself on the straight and narrow.

    Oh forgot to mention, he has crashed (totalled) my mother's car. Twice. Her insurance is sky high now. These are just some of the things we deal with.

    He's argumentative, abusive, and won't take any kind of advice or suggestions from ANYONE, no matter how trivial they might be (like "why don't you take a shower"). Never once have I ever heard him say anything along the lines of "okay I'll do that" or "yeah you're right". He argues EVERYTHING. He's always been like that, since he was in his early teens.

    Like others have said, he was diagnosed with severy anxiety last year after one of his car crashes, also depression, and suffers from panic attacks. He was taking ativan, and a couple weeks ago, he overdosed and took 17 pillls and spent the afternoon in the hospital. Now he is on some other drug, but is suffering withdrawl from the first drug.

    There are two problems. One is our medical system. Because he is 20 and considered an adult, my parents are not able to know what's going on with him. Any time he sees a doctor, it's private, and he doesn't share anything with my parents. When he overdosed, they wouldn't even keep him overnight because he said he wanted to go home, and there was nothing my mom could do. They had to release him. Any decisions need to be made by HIM, not my parents.

    Next, is my parents. They refuse to give any 'tough love'. Never have, never will. My dad won't because his style of parenting is to be your best friend. He is the good guy, and my poor mother is always the bad guy. He is also out of town on business, usually 3 weeks at a time, and doesn't have a clue what it's like to live with him. Also, my mother is very afraid to give any tough love because she thinks it will put him over the edge and the result could be as severe as suicide.

    So what to do, I have no idea. Tonight was pretty hard, he had a severe anger explosion. It's really hard to live with it.

    It's a tough situation and I know what it's like.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
    Last edited by TEF3; 07-03-2007 at 04:31 AM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Kalika's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Your parents are putting up with wayyyy more than they should be. Obviously he has anger issues and needs counseling. I think he purposely brings up all this old stuff to get his way.

    Frankly, it's not fair to the rest of us that your parents are allowing him to continue to drink. Because then, he gets in the car and drives around, and may eventually kill one of us. He's wayyyyy too old to be playing the victim card. That's not to diminish what he went through, but now he has to figure out how to deal with it, get out on his own and hold down a job or two.

    What can you do about it? Besides talk to your parents, nothing. But I'd appreciate it if you turned him into the police if he tries to drink and drive, even if your parents protest. Pick up the phone and call 911 and report him. If your parents wont force him to get help, maybe the courts or the police will.

    If your brother was on the road with me and my child, and hit us while drunk, I'd kill him if he wasn't already dead.

  3. #13

    Psychopathy affecting me before teenage years.

    Originally Posted by prizmpyxis
    Hi everyone,
    I know the title here is a little outrageous...but my brother is seriously crazy. I love him, and I always have but I am at the point where I cannot take him anymore. He has driven my mother to tears at least a few times a week for the past ten-fifteen years, and he continues to do so. He has no respect for anyone in my family, and lives in his room all day. My parents don't know how to handle him anymore (not that they ever knew how) and neither do I.

    Just to give you all a little back story, my father was abusive when my siblings and I were little, which I think definitely plays a part in my brother's insane behaviors...but there are FOUR of us, and we were all abused. My father has changed drastically during the past 7 years, and has not hit any of us since that time. He has also become a very loving, caring parent. This being said, I could MAYBE understand my brother not forgiving my Dad for all that he did so long ago, but he also takes his anger out on me, my two sisters, AND my Mom. We were all hurt by my Dad's actions, in fact...I even tried to kill myself once and went through A LOT (that was years ago, I'm fine now)...but my brother acts as though he is the only victim and we are all to blame. The last christmas I spent opening presents up with my brother was probably around twelve years ago, the last time he ate dinner with me was also around that time, the last time he hugged me, the last time he said ONE word to me that wasn't negative or a curse, as well as the last time he actively participated in a family event. None of my relatives have seen my brother in twelve years. When they come over, he stays in his room and does not acknowledge them. It is extremely embarrassing for both my parents and I know that it brings my mother to tears when she thinks about it. It isn't as if he is a kid either, he is 23 years old. Aside from going to a local college (which he actually finished a year ago) he has never had a job, and makes my mother do everything for him. My Mom cleans his room, sends mail for him, makes all of his appointments, etc. During the past year he was done with college, and he still didn't get a job. He says that he is going to live with my parents forever, that is what he has decided (He told my Mom this, NOT me). He has had ONE girlfriend his entire life, whom he dated for around four years...and then she dumped him to be with someone else. That was about four years ago, and he hasn't dated anyone else since her. I make no exaggeration when I say that he sits in his room all day on his computer/television. He has maybe 2 or 3 friends, whom he goes out at night to drink with. He is also an alcoholic, which causes us ALL a lot of pain. This past christmas eve, my brother refused to celebrate with us as usual...so instead he got drunk in his room by himself. He then came out of his room and started acting absolutely insane, saying hurtful things like, "Lets pretend that we didn't hit our kids when they were younger!" and dancing around. My father had to call the police to get him to stay in his room and sleep it off. It was very painful for me as well as the rest of my family. My brother has also been in about three alcohol related car accidents in the past five years. One of them SHOULD have been fatal. My parents have banned him from having alcohol in our home, but of course he has it here anyway. I know that my Mom wants him to love and respect her so she often tries to accommodate him, and even my Dad does it sometimes too. Nothing works. He absolutely REFUSES to see a therapist. A few years ago, my parents said that if he didn't see a therapist he was kicked out of the house. Well, he never saw a therapist and he's still here. The irony of this is, he just got his degree in psychology. I don't feel that he will ever be able to help anyone, because he can't even help himself.

    I honestly am at the end of my rope. Whenever I try to confront my parents about him, they tell me that it's none of my business and that I shouldn't talk to them about how to raise their son. I've tried talking to my brother, but he just curses at me and that's that. This week, my brother has decided that something my Mom did was unsatisfactory and is now giving her the silent treatment. She honestly has no idea what she did to him (she probably did nothing) and it's tearing her apart. He won't tell her what she did, he just ignores her and curses her off and it's making her so sad. I hate to see her like this, but I don't know what to do! He terrorizes my whole family, and is insanely immature for his age.

    My biggest fear is that my brother will continue to be this way for the rest of his life, and that I will have to explain to countless amounts of people (my future inlaws, kids, etc?) why they cannot meet him, and why they never see him. My older sister will probably be getting married soon, and she is scared that he will not attend her wedding. What should I do? I am sick of him making everyone unhappy, but I honestly don't know how to handle this. Please help.
    I am in exactly the same situation, but my mum is not like yours, she seems to act like my younger psychopathic brother too. She seems to only want me as a son for her own benefit. I have never experienced am act of true love from my mum. I am only 12, my brother is 9. Like you said, he makes it look like he is the victim and all the blame is on "older brother". No matter how bad my brother treats my mum, or how obedient I am to my mum, my brother gains most respect. He also put on a very, high pitched innocent voice, often when he is accusing me or avoiding punishment.

    He seems to be sexually immoral too, occasionally abusing my sister who is only 6, and saying things like "ya so sexy!" And "you're beautiful I want to marry you!". He says these things to me too, like "I love you" in such a manner full of lust and sass. It's more like "I luff yoo!!". And makes song parodies which often has the words sex, love. Despite him being extremely gay and as all psychopaths do, say I love you, he says, "HE'S THE WORST BROTHER
    in DA WORLD!!! I WANT TO KILL HIM!!" And gives us all the reptilian look.

    He is socially annoying too, throwing tantrums in the public, touching my 'areas' and my mum ain't give any sh*t. He pushes, punches me, in the public, and when I do it, I get in trouble. But there is rare occasions where my mum DOES kick him out of the house. And when it comes to unfair punishment brought before him, I try to save him. And him? He shows NO gratitude at ALL. None. He smirks then goes away. My mum, having a feeling of regret and defeat, she straightaway congratulates me, and monotonusly says what u did is good, blah blah blah.

    My parents do not believe he is a psychopath, and they think he is "normal". I don't think THAT is normal. They won't let me bring him to a therapist, or tell the Church, even if I do, it is very awkward. My brother will magically appear and eavesdrop me too.
    Pls help.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Owenometer...Please start a thread of your own where you'll receive more replies, as this thread is almost ten yrs old.

    Thread closed.


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