Would you be ok with your gf dancing with other guys in a club?

Question to all ENAers,

Would you be ok with your gf going to a nightclub, dancing with other guys and giving out her phone number? What if you trust her and know that even if the guys call her and go out with her that she would only be friends with them? This question goes the other way around too. I had this discussion with my gf. I know for a fact that she would only be friends with them but for some reason (deep deep down) it bothers me.

If she was giving out her phone number I think it would bother me too. It doesn't sound a) innocent or b) very respectful of you.

What if she just wants to make friends?

I don't make friends by giving out my number to guys I just met at a club.

puh lease, did she give you that as an excuse? ask a girl if she'd be ok with their bf dancing with other girls, forget the numbers, just lets say he's gonna dance. i guarantee no girl will be comfortable with this. a club environment is for 1) hooking up and 2) dance/have fun/relieve stress. dancing with the opposite sex and giving out your number in a club basically is saying you wanna hook up, i doubt there is much innocence in it.

No, I wouldnt be comfortable with that at all.

making friends by chance is one thing, but that... tactic... sounds really two-faced...

whats wrong with making friends through other mates, or clubs, or pubs... the sexually charged atmosphere of clubs isnt exactly upholding the "just friends" argument

I have been really confused about this subject. I mean, when is it normal for a girl to give out her phone number? If it's not ok in a club, then would it be ok with a guy she met on the train who talked to her? What is considered ok?

I'd never be comfortable with her even dancing with another guy in a club if I wasn't there. I don't care what she says, things get inappropriate in clubs. People grind and touch and all that...it always happens. Guys in clubs tend to only have one thing on their mind and that is sex. I know, because that's what most of my guy friends go there for.

Giving out her number just adds to it. Most girls don't give out their number to some guy they just met to just be friends. I don't believe that excuse at all.

Dancing, yes. I'd have no problem with that.

Giving her number out? Eh... That's a bit more iffy.

If it's not ok in a club, then would it be ok with a guy she met on the train who talked to her? What is considered ok?

It is NEVER okay for your gf/wife (in a mutually committed relationship) to give out her number to a male. There is one exception. For business only. I give my number to females, but one is my banker, one handles my stock portfolio, one is the secretary to the place where I service my motorcycle, all whom I talk to regularly. I don't have any female friends, except for the ones my GF is friends with. I don't talk to them unless it relates to her. If she was giving out her number to other dudes, I'd end that behavior right then. If she was giving out her number AND dancing with them, I'd leave her. Time to put away the chocolate, pull your pants up, and put your foot down on this crap. She is taking you for a ride and you are letting her. Be a man and get the proper treatment from her that you deserve.

I have been really confused about this subject. I mean, when is it normal for a girl to give out her phone number? If it's not ok in a club, then would it be ok with a guy she met on the train who talked to her? What is considered ok?

Has she told you why she wants men as friends?

Is there a particular reason that she chooses to be friends with only men or does she give her phone number out to women as well?

I would say NO WAY

That is actually how my first GF met the guy she dumped me for.

NO WAY for sure.

i think you're gonna need to work out the appropriateness of the whole friends/giving out number thing with her one on one. what you're looking for is consistency within the relationship; are you ok with her giving her number to a guy she just met on a train and having a friendship with him? would she be ok with you doing the same with a girl you just met? if either of you would not be, then there's a problem and you need to work it out.

and don't just say the words to please each other, i think you should really figure out what both of you are comfortable with. i think by posting this topic you obviously have an issue with her dancing with guys and handing her number out to them at clubs (who can blame you). let her know that, and ask her to honestly consider how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

take it from a guy who only tried to please his ex gf who's a sorority involved low self esteem clingy needy individual who would CONSTANTLY be in a club/exchange environment while i am not there; you need to figure out boundaries and let each other know what you are/are not comfortable with. my ex would defend to the grave that clubs aren't sleazy, but she mustve thought i was an idiot.

dancing with other guys? sorry, doesn't jive well with me. it made matters worse when she would bust her double standards and get upset with me if i even went bowling with friends of which some were female. 1) they really are just friends and 2) it's friggin bowling, not grind my body against some girl hoping to get some.

she just couldn't get the idea that i was a decent guy who actually has a life apart from spending time with her through her skull, and she expected me to fully accept her sorority lifestyle.

anyway, sorry for the venting, basically let her know what your ideas for boundaries in the relationship are. we can all tell you what WE would see as crossing the line, but its really up to you to figure out within your relationship with her.

I'd like to point out a safety issue for your girlfriend.

Stalking is something she should worry about! A girl doesn't think it can happen to her, until it does--and then it is really, really frightening.

I don't think she should be dancing with club guys without you there, or giving out her number to other guys (why does she need more "guy" friends than the ones she already has?). Is she willing to introduce you to those new guy friends? Even if she is, I don't see why you should be expected to feel comfortable with it. Doesn't sound like she is seriously committed.

But that aside, if she has to give out her number to someone for business purposes, or if they seem like someone really nice that she would like to introduce to you so you can have them as a mutual friend, then

1) she should get a new, separate cell phone with a separate phone number that is given ONLY to you , family members, and close trusted friends of several years. She should give out the current (already "public") cell phone number to strangers and new friends. She should not advertise the fact that she has two phone numbers.

2) She should get a post office box and NEVER give out her real address. Put the PO box on all forms, business cards/personal cards, application forms, etc.

3) She should not bring new male friends from the club back to her home, even it's with other people present. This is common sense safety. If it's not a direct friend of a friend, then it's a complete stranger, and that stranger could came back later when everyone is gone, or on another day.

Please try to help your girlfriend understand the safety issue and figure out how to protect herself!

WHOA! NO!!!!! Dancing in a club? Maybe, given the circumstance. I would not want to date a club ho, sorry just my opinion. But sometimes dancing in a club is just dancing. giving your phone number out? NO WAY!

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i'll shut the club down

shes a idiot if she dances with a guy and he gives his number and she thinks he just wants to be friends

ive been there

Dancing in a club....depends on the circumstances....I don't think grinding with other men is acceptable but if she is just dancing with friends and having a good time, okay.

But giving out her number to other men? No way. Sorry I would not do that even to a guy I met on street, never mind at a club, unless it was for very defined purpose (examples include for work, or in some of my hobbies it is not unusual to get new training partners, etcetera....but it would be VERY defined as being for those purposes and that I was with someone).

Giving out a number at a club...well sorry but that is not about just "making friends".

And no, I would not be okay with my boyfriend giving out numbers to girls in the club either (and definitely not grinding with them!)!

Of course it bothers you, it brings up feelings of whether she is really loyal, honest and whether her words and actions really match up.

lets break this down if i had a gf

shes grinding with this dood in the club

they exchange numbers

who the hell dances with a girl in a club exchane numbers and pray to God they fall in the friend zone?

2 weeks later they proclaim their in love and you and her wasent going to work ouy

which is why i would leave the second i heard this

Yeah, this is totally whacked!!! Why does she say she wants to talk with these guys??? To expand her network of friends??? Puh...leeeeze!

If she's at all serious about your relationship, she would not want to do that. To do it in front of you shows a complete lack of respect both for you and your relationship.

I personally would consider it a relationship breaker if she did it even once!!!

Zack.

I would be furious if my husband gave his number to a girl in a club! Why would he do that? It would break my heart! I would be so upset if he did that and he would be upset with me if I did that.

That shows alot about who she really is...

If she is dancing with guys in a club and then giving them her number she's certainly not sending them the message that she wants to just be 'friends'

I think she's selling you a bridge and I hope that you are too smart to buy it.

WOW ... a 100% consensus in ENA ... unusual. This is definitely a dump rather that "try to work it out" situation. She's absolute poison!!!

[EDIT] after reading this, i had to wash my hands to feel clean again!

I don't make friends by giving out my number to guys I just met at a club.

me neither! I meet friends at school, work, in clubs/activities, through other friends.....

the *only time* I would take or give a phone number to a guy in a club was, if through talking, we found out we work in the same field, and he has some expertise I can use, or vice versa, so i can call him during the daytime, to his work number, to ask him about that issue.

but no way I would just go to a club and give my number out to guys if I am in a relationship. because those guys are approaching women for dates, not to be 'buddies.'

but, dancing for me is just dancing and having fun. as long as I am not dancing very close or slow or intimately, I see nothing wrong with just dancing. numbers are on a different level though.

WoW. Very true. I have never seen a thread when all ppl agreed to the same answer. Honestly, I don't like it at all. I actually did that once with a girl and she was irritated and bothered by it. But the thing is that she even gave her phone number to girls in clubs and hung out with them! It's like she's totally just looking to be friends. Her argument is "why does it matter where I meet people? And why does it matter if they want to get into my pants when I won't let them?" I always tell her that ALL single guys who meet you WANT to be in your pants because you are hot. She tells me that I'm very disrespectful by telling her this but I told her I'm sorry but this is the reality. She references this guy friend she has who actually asked her out for lunch on her lunch break when she was working at a bookstore (he was a customer) and they're totally friends. I just don't see myself going to a club and giving out my phone number or taking girls phone numbers even if I just wanted to be friends.