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How do I tell my girlfriend she needs to lose some weight?


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She isn't fat by any means, but she has a great body in my opinion and I really don't want her to lose that...

 

I recently noticed she's been gaining some belly fat... I want to tell her that she needs to lose that so it won't get any worse, but don't know how to tell her. I'll still love her regardless, but the reason I'm so scared of her becoming chubby is because 1) she's already got a great body that I like and 2) once people become fat or chubby, 99% of the time they never look the way they used to look. I really don't want that to happen to my girlfriend.

 

so people... how do I tell her that I want her to maintain her good body? she's already getting some belly fat I think and I don't want it to get worse.

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Hey,

 

Some people may tell you that you should love your girlfriend no matter how she looks, which is true to a large extent, but I feel that unless someone has a physical or mental problem, they should try to look the best they can. Sure, they may have a genetic disadvantage or no money to buy clothes or keep fit, but they should at least try to take care of their appearance.

 

Do you feel that there is some factor in your girlfriend's life that is causing her to put on a little more weight?

 

I'm in a similar situation, with my girlfriend putting on a lot of weight and having a scruffy appearance these days, after she let me down bad last year by siding with her family over something that hurt us as a couple. I just gently tell her I'm concerned about her and mention weight, stress and other things, and she's cool if I talk about it.

 

Anthony

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She isn't fat by any means, but she has a great body in my opinion and I really don't want her to lose that...

 

I recently noticed she's been gaining some belly fat... I want to tell her that she needs to lose that so it won't get any worse, but don't know how to tell her. I'll still love her regardless, but the reason I'm so scared of her becoming chubby is because 1) she's already got a great body that I like and 2) once people become fat or chubby, 99% of the time they never look the way they used to look. I really don't want that to happen to my girlfriend.

 

so people... how do I tell her that I want her to maintain her good body? she's already getting some belly fat I think and I don't want it to get worse.

 

You don't tell her. She may just dump you if you even say one little hint about losing weight. If you love her.......if you TRULY love her....you would accept her for her. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. What about your belly fat? What about you and any other small fat or not so small fat on your body? It's a good idea if you don't say anything..honestly. But if you do...then hey...that's your perogative. Sorry to come down on you, but girls who get told this, or get the "you're too fat" talk....end up mentally disturbed for the rest of their lives. My ex went bullemic b/c of it w/ another BF of hers. Was skinny as a rail. Anyways...I think you get the idea.

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No offence, but poor girl! To have a boyfriend that cares so little about the real her that he's 'scared' she will put on a few pounds. Wake up and live in the real world, not in societies obsession with weight and perfection and all that rubbish. I'm sick of everyone basing everything on looks. Looks aren't here forever and the only real thing is a person's soul which will endure far beyond that of our looks.

 

 

I swear people from poverty-stricken areas of the world would either laugh or cry at our society. They would laugh at how rediculous we are with our obsession with pointless things that we forget who we really are and how to really LIVE, and they would cry at their own misfortune because unlike us, they don't have all the ease and comfort of life which we have to be able to have the biggest worry being about if they are fat, or if they have the right car, or the best mobile phone, or if their tan is topped up enough.

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I have to agree with Karibo. Seriously does it really matter if your gf puts on a bit of weight? Really whats it gonna change except for her OWN appearance. This is her life and if she doesn't mind that she has put on a few kilos then why should any one else, least of all her bf who is supposed to love her.

 

If you say something to her you are gonna kill her confidence and hurt her beyond anything. Would you like to be the one responsible for her tears because she suddenly thinks shes to fat for you?!

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1) she's already got a great body that I like and 2) once people become fat or chubby, 99% of the time they never look the way they used to look. I really don't want that to happen to my girlfriend.

 

I think you should only raise an issue if you are concerned about her eating habits not, about her belly fat.

 

For example, when you are unhappy, maybe depressed you can sometimes eat for comfort, or not eat at all. There is a difference between eating for comfort because you are unhappy, and putting on a few pounds because you are happy and you want to live a little and not have to worry about your weight!

 

So you need to understand whether your gf is genuinelly happy and is just relaxing on the whole weight issue (trust me, it plagues EVER woman's mind). If she is, then you should be supportive, she's relaxing because she's with a man who loves her and accepts her for who she is.

 

If it's not the case, and her eating habits are telling you something you should be supportive and find out what's bothering her. But to make it a food issue will only turn it into a food issue. So tread carefully.

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I strongly urge you not to mention a woman's weight to her ever. It would be like her telling you that you are lousy in bed and your penis is too small or saying your job sucks and you don't make enough money.

 

When people are fat, they know they are fat. You don't have to remind them. Besides a few pounds is nothing.

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If you love her.......if you TRULY love her....you would accept her for her.

 

I disagree. This kind of thinking just leads to you being an old fat couple with health issues =P

 

If you love her, help her by pushing her to eat healthier and work out. It's two sided though, you have to eat healthy and work out too! The healthier you both are, the better your lives will be. Not to mention excercise is a great way to bond with each other.

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jsx has good advice.

 

It is ridiculous that someone can't tell someone they are getting fat, ( and don't say THAT!) but its ok to tell someone they are getting too skinny..

 

This is why we have so many fat unhealthy people in the world!!

 

who does the cooking? What if you do it and cook lean chicken and healthy veggies? Say how you would like to get back into shape. If you already are then invite her to come along with you. Ask her to join you in your quest for fitness. If you have noticed she is packing on the pounds, I guarantee she has noticed too. women notice it even when they have not put on some pounds!

 

I hope you are able to get her to have a more healthy lifestyle!! Good luck!

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So, I was wondering to myself why there has been a sudden spate of these kinds of threads.

 

And it occurred to me that for those of us on this side of the globe (US), we're just getting into warm weather season...which means less clothing, so perhaps the weight gains are more noticeable.

 

So, then, it also occurred to me that it's NORMAL for people's weight to fluctuate over the course of the year, often times by as much as 10 or 15 lbs. It's not unusual for people to put on a few pounds over the colder months and then gradually lose those pounds through the warmer months. Our normal weight is not so much specific number as a range.

 

The other thing that's come to light for me through reading these "how do I tell my gf she's gaining weight" posts is how thankful I am to have had the relationships I have had. I met my college bf when I was at my lowest adult weight. During the course of our relationship when the system of restrictive dieting and compulsive exercising that made up my eating disorder all came crashing down I gained somewhere between 50 to 60 pounds. I thank God he NEVER once said or did anything to make me think he found me less desirable/attractive through all that, because that would've really sent me screaming over the edge. He just wanted me to have a peaceful relationship with food, eating and my body, and supported me in my journey to recover from those issues. I was with him for 7 years which encompassed my lowest adult weight, my highest adult weight, and my post-recovery "normal" weight which is a range between the two extremes.

 

I also don't understand why people think others need to be told they've gained weight. I have clothing. I've lived in this body for years. I have a mirror. I'm well aware when I've gained some weight...and I suspect most women are also aware when they've put on a few pounds. If you feel you really need to point this out, I'd suggest you tread very carefully. It is comments like that from those we care about that can set the stage for development of eating disorders or exacerbate an exisisting eating disorder.

 

Finally, those of you who are making assumptions that extra weight automatically equals poor health need to do some additional research/reading. I'd suggest "Big Fat Lies" by Glen Gaesser link removed and "The Obesity Myth" by Paul Campos link removed for starters.

 

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It is a person's choice to eat what they want and if they gain a few pounds, it is THEIR choice to decide what to do about it. My mother has been weight obsessed and she has been suffering from anorexia for years. She has no problem telling other people how fat they are to the point that my father can't eat anything without her say so. The situation was so bad and my father got so brainwashed into that silly mentality that when he went for chemotherapy, the only thing he was concerned about was that he shouldn't GAIN weight. Imagine that....most people with cancer are concerned about losing too much weight, and here he was, so brainwashed by his partner that he couldn't even see how much damage she did to himself and the way he views his body.

 

DO NOT tell her. It is her body, her choice and you should love her for who she is, not if she has a few fat rolls.

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If you are a person who is so attached to a certain 'look' she has, then i suggest that you break up with her when she gets to a look you don't like... reason for this is she doesn't deserve someone who views her as an object who can't gain a few pounds without being negatively thought of by her partner.

 

also, you say people who gain weight never look quite the same again if they lose it... what about if you marry and she gets pregnant? her body will really change then, and that is a natural state. so you really are more interested in looks and not health issues, so you should think about that and why you are so obsessed with her gaining a few lbs. very normal for women to fluctuate a bit there.

 

being obsessed with a girlfriend's figure to the point that you monitor everything about how she looks really says more about you than her... that you have a big ego and want only to be seen with what you perceive is a hot chick. in which case you are obsessed about your ego too...

 

people change over time, get ill, older, pregnant, etc. if you can't cut her a little slack on this, then you won't remain with any partner for long due to these changes life brings, so i suggest you break up with her and let her find someone who does love her enough to accept life's changes, good or bad.

 

and just becuase she gained a few lbs. doesn't mean she'll gain 100. you are overreacting to a small weight gain, which she might well pick up on and dump YOU for being shallow and too obsessed with her appearance.

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I have tons to say on the subject but i cant be bothered..

 

anyway a pointer for you, and advice:

 

My boyfriend grabs my belly all the time and says "ohhh its soooo cute! i love it" *wobble wobble*

 

He SWEARS he really does think its cute when I get huffy and tell him to get the F off me. However I think its some form of reverse psychology, he draws my attention to it pretends he isnt bothered by it and loves me anyway and now I am on a diet because I hate my belly.

 

Also there was a slim woman on TV with a flat tummy and he said "oh that is a sexy stomach.."

 

HOWEVER. I am loosing weight so that i feel more confident about MYSELF, not so my boyfriend can think i'm sexy, i already think i am and so do a lot of other men.

 

be warned, if you hurt her feelings, she might lose her belly fat and then leave you for someone who wouldnt mind if it returned.

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No don't do it!

 

Women's weight is an extremely sensitive issue. Let me put it this way (and I am not aiming to be disrespectful in any way!), telling her she needs to lose weight would be the 'male' equivalent of telling a man he needed to have a bigger tool (if you know what I mean).

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I think it's ok to worry if your partner's appearance is changing. A huge part of a relationship is being attracted to your partner's appearance, right? I don't think this guy should be attacked for his question- he obviously doesn't want to hurt his girlfriends feelings, or he wouldn't be asking for advice as to go about mentioning this weight gain to her.

 

I do, however, agree that he should find out why she has gained the weight. If she is stressed or depressed, this could definitely be the reason. IMO he should have a long talk with her about what has been going on in her life, while at the same time planning activities such as sports, hiking, swimming- something fun they can do together now that the weather is warm. That way maybe he can kill two birds with one stone-- the physical exercise will help her weight, plus maybe doing something different will lift her spirits and help whatever is going on with her emotionally. I agree the weight issue should never be mentioned- there are ways to get around it without ever talking about it. I know from experience- I had an ex tell me that he wasn't as attracted to me because I gained some weight-- I developed an eating disorder. To this day I still think about it and get upset. Please avoid this at all costs.

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No don't do it!

 

Women's weight is an extremely sensitive issue. Let me put it this way (and I am not aiming to be disrespectful in any way!), telling her she needs to lose weight would be the 'male' equivalent of telling a man he needed to have a bigger tool (if you know what I mean).

 

I cannot go with that.

 

It might be closer to telling ehr she needs bigger breasts, but I don't even buy that.

 

And how many men in this world have been put on diets by their women? Why is that not too sensitive?

 

Sorry, hoss, but this comment above seems pretty sexist to me.

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I cannot go with that.

 

It might be closer to telling ehr she needs bigger breasts, but I don't even buy that.

 

And how many men in this world have been put on diets by their women? Why is that not too sensitive?

 

Sorry, hoss, but this comment above seems pretty sexist to me.

 

Oops Beec, sorry that truly wasn't my intent I never thought of myself as being sexist

 

I was trying to express the effect on a woman's psyche when someone tells her she needs to lose weight. I am sensitive about my size and so are all my girlfriends. If someone told me I needed to lose weight, I would hear the words "hoss, you're fat". When I was 21, a man pointed at me in public and puffed up his cheeks and said I gained weight (the last time he had seen me I was 105 lbs and then the next time I was 110 lbs at 5'4"--exactly what I am today). I wanted to run, hide and just eat rice crispies for a week! That's how much it upset me. I read between the lines, perhaps in error, but heck I am 'wired' that way and have realized that not all people are

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If you say anything about it, you will hurt her. But it will hurt her EQUALLY if you either stop having sex with her. As someone who has gained weight, lost it, gained it, and lost it again (this time permanently, haha) I can tell you that "a few pounds" is NOT just a few pounds!!!! No way, those few pounds will have her buying a size up in jeans next time she goes shopping, and then a size up after that each time until she quite possibly realizes she cannot fit into jeans anymore.

 

If you tell her, do it as lovingly as possible. And expect she might get upset. But you'll plant the seed in her head to start watching it, and if you love her, whether that means she gets pissed and leaves you or stays with you, as long as she is healthy that's what matters.

 

Good luck!

 

Edited to Add: I HATE the way society is all about not calling people fat. Hello!!! If you can't fit into pants without elasticized waist, and if you can't see your feet... Or if you can look behind yourself and see your butt sticking out, you are FAT! Not "big boned", not "curvy", not "voluptuous"... F-A-T! As someone who's been there (believe me, I'm talking I weighed over 200lbs. not just had 10lbs. that kept me out of a bikini) you CANNOT be fat and happy. Or fat and healthy. You can be fat and in denial, but that's about the extent of it. I only wish that someone had called me FAT when I needed to lose only 20lbs. instead of leaving it up to the clothing rack to tell me when I reached 210lbs. And even at 210lbs no one would have DARED call me fat. Weight is something you can do something about, and being fat is just as much an affliction/addiction as smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. JMO. Off my soapbox.

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I HATE the way society is all about not calling people fat. Hello!!! If you can't fit into pants without elasticized waist, and if you can't see your feet... Or if you can look behind yourself and see your butt sticking out, you are FAT! Not "big boned", not "curvy", not "voluptuous"... F-A-T! As someone who's been there (believe me, I'm talking I weighed over 200lbs. not just had 10lbs. that kept me out of a bikini) you CANNOT be fat and happy. Or fat and healthy. You can be fat and in denial, but that's about the extent of it. I only wish that someone had called me FAT when I needed to lose only 20lbs.

 

I am aware that I am F-A-T, even though, I don't wear elastic waist pants, and I see my feet just fine; what I am NOT is blind or stupid. I don't need someone who was genetically blessed, or fatty-reformed, or riddled with an eating disorder pointing out the obvious in some nasty attempt to belittle me into action. I will decide when my weight is a priority. I'm sure you worked hard to lose your weight, and I congratulate you. But your stance is rude and judgemental.

 

There are "ugly" people, "stupid" people, "annoying" people- and it's generally not accepted in society to use those terms either. Why? Because it is unnecessary and mean and it does nothing to help anyone to point out shortcomings using such harsh language.

 

Yes, to a certain degree, being overweight is a choice. But it's not the same for everyone; I know people who struggle to put weight on because they are genetically engineered to be skinny. I know people who eat nothing but junk (I once worked with a guy who ate about 3-4 chocolate bars a day, potatoe chips etc) and yet always appear to be a healthy weight. Then there are others who are predisposed to being heavy and have to work VERY hard to get it off, and keep it off. You cannot judge a persons efforts in weight maintenance based of what you see. Besides, many of the people you are longing to scream "FATTY" at may have already lost 50 pounds and working on more. Good way to let them feel like their efforts are futile, don't you think?

 

I'm sorry you couldn't value yourself enough to be happy until you lost weight. But that's your experience not mine. Am I happy ABOUT being overweight? Of course not. Am I happy with who I am as a person, what I contribute to others in this life and the life I have built for myself; my home, family and friends? ABSOLUTELY. If the price I pay for this semi-charmed life is that I am not a super model, and men (who I wouldn't sleep with anyway, because I have an amazing husband who is all the man I will ever need) don't drool when I walk by, well then, ring up the bill, I am ready to pay!

 

Don't misunderstand me. I fully acknowledge that being overweight is unhealthy. So is drinking, smoking, doing drugs. And lets not forget how many people abuse their bodies with diet drugs, laxatives, induced vomiting and a variety of other means to keep up the "appearance" of being the right weight. No one is perfect. None of us doesn't have some vice or guilty pleasure. Judge me on my weight, and I become free to judge you on your education, intelligence, physical appearance or something else that has no bearing on your value as a person. What's the point in that?

 

It's about being healthy, not skinny that's important. Using negative labels is unnecessary. Why do people need to belittle others to feel better about themselves?

 

If NJAG is concerned for his gf's health, then take her to restaurants that offer healthy food, and do things together to be active (take a long bikeride & pack a healthy picnic lunch). Telling her she's getting fat is NOT the way to go. If he is concerned because he want's to keep the "hottie", then I agree with other posters; let her go to be with someone who will appreciate her and respect her judgement & priorities, including deciding when it's time to lose a few.

 

Sorry this is so long- that just struck a nerve with me.

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Sorry this is so long- that just struck a nerve with me.

 

Yeah, me too.

 

It runs counter to my whole experience.

 

Lowest adult weight 140. Starved and compulsively exercised myself to get there. I also attempted to kill myself at that time and was generally pretty miserable.

 

Current weight 200-210. Exercise 3-4x week for the pleasure and health of it, not because I HAVE TO, married to a guy who thinks I'm the hottest thing around, eat a balanced diet that got the blessings of a Registered Dietician, and enjoy moving, eating, food and my body. My bp, cholesterol and blood sugar are all in the normal or below normal range for my age. It's a good life and I wouldn't trade places or bodies with anyone else. I guess I'm so deep in denial that I don't know I should be miserable?

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I swear people from poverty-stricken areas of the world would either laugh or cry at our society...

 

People of the poverty-stricken world have worries much greater than appearance to take care of. Me and my gf live in a pretty big city in the United States. She doesn't have much more to worry about but grades and friends. There's too many fat people in this country, and the thing that makes it sad is that they can prevent it just by staying active and eating healthy.

 

I said in the VERY FIRST POST that I love my GF for who she is. But seeing as she's gained a little belly fat and she's had a great body, I don't want it to get worse and I want her to maintain that good body. Will I dump her if she gets fat? Hell no! But if I can prevent her from getting overweight when she's got an amazing body, should I try? I certainly think so.

 

And also, I'm a really skinny, tall guy, so I'm not a hypocrite FYI... I know when I'm gaining weight, and I try to work that off.

 

I've been getting her to go to the gym with me like every other day (I've been working out too as I want to get some muscle). She really doesn't have much stamina. and while I've been going to the gym with her, she's still eating constantly and it's worrying me. I don't think she's depressed, she's stressed that she loves me very much and that she doesn't want another guy...

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I disagree. This kind of thinking just leads to you being an old fat couple with health issues =P

 

If you love her, help her by pushing her to eat healthier and work out. It's two sided though, you have to eat healthy and work out too! The healthier you both are, the better your lives will be. Not to mention excercise is a great way to bond with each other.

 

 

No...you and shikashika ... IMHO are wrong. It's like someone else said....jsx...what if your GF said you had a small penis and dont please her? What if she said you're fat? What if she said you have a lousy job and make diddly squat? What if she said you're ugly? I mean really.......you're supposed to LOVE them for them...not for what they LOOK like. LOOKS are temporary and LOOKS can change. I think jsx & shikashika are full of themselves.

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