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Thread: Bad vs Good Breakup

  1. #1
    Member judiw's Avatar
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    Bad vs Good Breakup

    Some breakups are horrible. People do nasty, uncaring things and generally behave like low-life. And we are left devastated and angry.

    And some breakups are kind and gentle. The dumper cares deeply and still the relationship must come to an end. And we are left devastated but not angry.

    Is it easier to heal when we are angry? Its got to be easier to maintain no contact when the ex has behaved badly.

    But with a 'good breakup' all we are left with is knowing we have to respect the dumpers decision...

    What do you think

  2. #2
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    I dunno, I kinda think its a lot easier if its a gentle breakup.

    No one likes being broken up, so I'd only say the breakup would be gentle if both parties realizes its not working and agree that its for the best, or one party is a complete milktoast and just lets the person break up with them.

  3. #3
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    I've only been through one breakup, and it would be considered of the "good" variety. However, I would guess that a "bad" breakup appeals to our more primal emotions of anger, being hurt, fear, etc. and can affect us strongly, but for shorter periods of time. The "good" breakup on the other hand, doesn't cause as strong of an emotional reaction in us at any one point, but rather lingers with us indefinitely, and other, deeper thoughts haunt us, for a long time. For me it is issues of trust, and knowing who "the one" is. I thought I knew, for years, who "the one" for me was, but now I feel like I'm lost at sea, with nothing in sight...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    Althought it's more convenient to burn the dumper in effigy and pretend you escaped the partner from hell, it can be as delusional as pretending they were perfect.

    I much prefer the mature, civil parting to the scorched-earth version.

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  6. #5
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    Someone tried to give me an easy break up but the excuses for their actions didn't add up. I continued to queston what was going on until I learned she got swept off her feet by another guy and it became a devastating break up. Really hurt me going forward because then she told everyone lies about how we were having problems. Basically, she was young and selfish which just made me even more angry.

    And, that is why I believe what goes around comes around.

  7. #6
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    If there is a big difference in the interest level of the two partners, there's never an easy way. I have always struggled when I've been dumped, no matter the method in the various dumping I've experienced..(caring face to face conversation, angry and stomping off, phone call or note on my kitchen table). I've been the dumper a few times too, and, while I wanted to be caring and basically not devalue the person, the bottom line is the same, one person no longer wants the other as the other wants them. I think there are other things that dumpers can do, like not date right away out of respect or certainly not get involved with someone else before they break up, but of course those things are rarely followed.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Jess...'s Avatar
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    I've only been through one breakup, and it was awful. It was a "bad" breakup, and an extremely messy one. I think for me personally, it has been easier to move on that it would have been, had it been a nice, gentle breakup where the ex and I were still in contact. In the long run, a "good" breakup would probably be better, no real animosity, harsh words, etc, and more chance of remaining/becoming friends, but initially, a "bad" breakup is probably easier to heal from I think.

    Thats just my opinion... But I guess I can't really say, because I've only had a bad one and don't really know any different...

  9. #8
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    Does the cold and indifferent breakup go in the bad category. My ex broke up with me over the phone the day after Christmas. This was after we had a great Christmas Eve together. She told me over the phone. I wanted in my head but it wasn't in my heart. She then said you are not the Man for me.
    I didn't say anything back. I just hung up the phone, and I have been in NC mode ever since.

    I prefer the nice gentle breakup. Its mature, and it gives you a chance to become friends later on. I am great friends with an ex I broke up with 3 years ago. I believe that was possible because of the gentle breakup.


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