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Thread: Why do we fantasize?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Why do we fantasize?

    Thiss could be under this section or the 'getting back together section'

    its interesting though.

    Is fantasizing (omg hope thats how u spell it) lol... part of getting over stuff?

    like ok... weve begged, cried, wanted to be together NOW... then we move onto... dreaming.... like ok... thats not happening... so sigh... we fantasize about how in the future things will be so perfect...

    dunno bout you but i feel that those of us who are fantasizing are stepping towards recovery. Weve kinda accepted, that now its not gonna happen... so we play it that it will happen later....and we start to accept that. some may call it 'faulse hoping' but i think its really our own minds distancing our ex partners....slowly...


    what ya think?

    hope you all are ok ...

    be strong

  2. #2
    simply complicated
    simply complicated's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Hi kiama
    People fantasize for different reasons, some want to escape from reality, so they venture off in their minds fantasizing about a life the does'nt so closely resemble their own.
    Others fantasize about the future, giving them an idea as to where they would wanna be in life, I do it all the time, when I was 18 I fantasized about having my own place my own truck and my own life basically. It seemed highly unlikely at the time but not even two years later, I was living that fantasy.
    Don't really know exactly why everyone fantasizes but I do know it's a great escape and a great way to prep for the future.

    P.S. there no such thing as false hope when it comes to fantasy.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2006

    Help me out.

    Okay, help me out here. When you say "fantasizing", are you talking about dreaming about being with your ex? I'm confused.

  4. 05-11-2007, 09:21 AM
    posted twice

  5. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Hello, sorry if i wasnt very clear....

    Things with me are absolutely fine at the moment for some reason... I was just reflecting back to the steps ive had to take to get here... lol

    And yes, i was talking about us in general, dreaming of a future with our ex's...

    It was just that for me, in the beginning of the breakup - was first in denial, as we all im sure go through... then sad, and blah blah blah... and then, i got to a point where i accepted that we were completely over.... and then, i would just find 'happiness' or 'comfort' in 'dreaming' that hey, this is cool... this is fine... its ok... cos one day we will have a house together, blah blah blah... and so the 'dreaming' came along. But it was'nt dreaming in a sense of false hope... its hard to explain. It was dreaming of the future, 5 years from now type thing.

    It was as was a step to recovery. Now of course, im not dreaming such things... but i went through a phase where i did.

    So really i was just thinking, that maybe, the fantasizing bit, is just part of healing, and that for those of us in that phase.... should take comfort in knowing that they are actually moving on... by being in this 'dream phase'...

    Hence why i mentioned, its almost as if our minds are 'taking' control of our 'hearts' and 'distancing' ourselves subconsciously, from our ex's... By allowing us to accept that now its not happening, but dreaming of a future years away will make us feel ok, in the NOW.... Cos no doubt, in years to come, our feelings for our ex's will be truly over, really. And we all know that, honestly we really do know, that in five years time we will be over them...

    So anyway, maybe a pointless post, sorry bout that! lol... i just thought it was interesting, and that possibly, the dreaming phase, is a healthy phase in our steps to recovery.

    Thats all,

    take care

  6. #5
    Gold Member bar35's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    it's a very interesting observation. I would definitely say that it is a coping mechanism. i certainly have done it, it's basically a form of denial, and contrary to popular belief, denial is a good thing to have in place, it makes it possible for the heart and mind to catch up to the pain that was inflicted upon it, in other words it is a buffer used to soften the blow.

    I occaisionally go through some fantasies, but not so much lately. There are also the fantasies that I have had that are me screaming at my ex in anger for all of the pain that she caused me, sexual fantasies, and the she comes to save me fantasy ie. "it's ok,i'm sorry i'll be here for you" or something like that (LOL so infantile but necessary i guess) etc...

    Long story short, I definitely think that fantasies are a part of the healing process, when they become destructive is when we believe in them and then try to act on them. That where most of us slip up. It's also important, i think, not to indulge too heavily in them otherwise they can overwhelm us too.
    Last edited by bar35; 05-11-2007 at 10:54 AM.


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