is it over?

I've given things some thought, I just need a bit of space, can you give me that?

thats what he text me..

Should i take this as he is thinking to carry on with me? or ending it? Been going thru a rough patch, and this is recently.

How did things end when you spoke last (before this text)?

that really depends on the context of your conversations before this message... did he say he wanted to break up, and now he is changing his mind to just want a break?

or had you not discussed breaking up, and now this is his way of softening the 'i want to break up' talk?

i think unless you had a long conversation with him before and it is obvious what this means, you should talk to him rather than try to make decisions based on a text message. they are too short to understand true meaning, or else he is a coward and doesn't want to have the break up talk.

so call him and ask what a little space means... and don't just accept it as a generic he'll float off for however long he wants without reference to you or your feelings. establish a timeframe too for how long and how much space he needs.

unfortunately, this kind of comment is frequently, though not always, a prelude to a breakup. so make sure you have talked to him enough so both of you understand what he means. if he won't talk to you about it, then i'd just assume it's a breakup, and go on with your life and healing.

I’ve been feeling neglected by him suddenly. For two weeks nearly the conversations have become less and less since I last saw him which we had a lovely time together and things seemed fine. Then last week, he cancelled 5days before my visit to him b’cos he couldn’t get out of family Do. I arranged to visit him over a week in advance as planned. We used to talk every day with out doubt.

The last time I spoke to him (after trying several times to call him) was on Friday night and we had a talk. I was very upset and wanted to know where I stood with him in this relationship and couldn’t understand why, he suddenly had to cancel on me. Basically, he said he would make it up and apologised, but he couldn't get out of this family DO. We had our talk, and I thought we ended ok. We kinda had a heart to heart. We’ve had this before, but I really said what I wanted too say. That I wasn’t here wasting time and so on.

Come Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t hear from him. He text me Sunday evening after I tried calling him. He told me he was busy still and he will chat to me later; which he didn’t. So I left it to that 

Come Monday, I had lost my bottle and i EXPLODED ~(big mistake), and basically sent him a very harsh text. It sounded bad after I read it a million times, cos it sounded as if we were over. I told him he was a liar and stringing me along and that he had someone decent in his life and he lost it etc etc. and if he was interested and cared about me he wouldn't be doing this. I tried to explain to him, that I felt neglected and ignore by him recently and that we don’t talk anymore. He replied to my text’s that he told me enough times he was going to be out (family DO) and I said that I wanted us to talk. Which we didn’t. Yesterday I was trying to get in contact with him. He wasn’t picking up my phone calls. I text him again and again, that I wanted us to talk, and that the text I sent him was harsh. Anyways, he text me last night saying what I wrote previous…

He has also blocked my personal msn address on his msn too.

plus, i feel that i have pushed him away. and i feel this was the last straw.

he didn;t say about breaking up!

that text i sent him was out of rage, and i realised it i should of been calmer, but too late as i already sent it.

he must know i don't wanna break up, cos of my other texting.

u think i should send him a text how much time he needs?

in my reply to his text,

i said, i will, but i just wanted a quick word with him.

he couldn't give me that.

he is being very imature, and he seems to do this quiet thing when he feels i am in my moods again.

Don't call him or send him mesages, you are hurt right now. Just give him a few days for the air to clear out and for him to miss you. If he dosen't reach out to you after a few days call him and try to work things out. Hear what he has to say and the reason for his change. IF he dosen't want to work things out then is time for you to move on and start to love yourself more.

he probably wants to be with u but maybe he wants a break right now because he found someone else or something like that.

He needs exactly that 'space' the relationship has become claustrophobic for him.

I guarentee if you leave him alone for a week or two - to ponder things you'll have your answer.Please don't pressure and hound him,it will drive a permanent wedge between you.

I’ll have to leave him to his space. I don't think I have much of a choice.

He felt I was hounding on Sunday when I text him. I am finding the LDR hard, and as the relationship gets along, I naturally feel wanting to spend more time with him. I don't know where I stand right now. I only get to see him once or twice a month, and for the sudden conversation going dead during the last week, it really bothered me. I hope I haven’t screwed things up, but I can’t be all to blame here.

Thanks for your replies!

Yesterday afternoon, i text him saying i was fine him wanting his space, and i asked him, how long he think he will need, and will he be willing to working things out between us.

He hasn't got back to me, which doesn't look good to me!

I ain't Ok, with him wanting his ''space''. i feel he has shut the door on me for good, or shutting me out and cannot talk to me.

Hi Gemini

I am sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately as he has asked for, and taken, the space then at present I think the best thing you can do is to take advantage of that space.

Use this time to think about what you want from the relationship, perhaps what you miss when he is not available for contact, but also what things could be better. If this relationship is over this time will help you in the future and if not it will help you to lay down what you want from him and from yourself.

I would try not to make any contact to him for AT LEAST two weeks, and that includes not telling him that you plan to do this. In two weeks, if you decide that this relationship is still a good thing for you, give him a chance to communicate. If he does not take advantage of this offer then I am afraid it is time to move on.

Take care

I fear him having his space, and not at all being in contact with me, plus him blocking me from his msn, makes me feel the trust is gone. The way i feel right now, if he had any respect or any care / love in the world for me, he would talk, rather then have his space and avoid me. Its not like we live next door to each other.

I'm trying to keep busy, but i can't stop thinking all the negative things that he may be doing. Not saying that he is; but i keep going over everything that has happened, especially the lack on conversations and calls from him within 2 weeks, especially the last.

My last relationship was also a LDR> A week before he finally ended up breaking up with me, said he wanted a break.

In fact, the night before he broke up with me he sent me a text and said he was coming back to me. 10 hours later, he wanted to call it quits.

You know what I've realized through all this though?

Relationships don't have breaks.

I am likely in the minority for this, but to me, a relationship is about working it out...good or bad...no matter what the person is going through. A relationship is a committment between two people and sorry for the cliche but, that means good times and bad.

A break is a cowards way for saying they really want to break up with you, but don't have the guts right now...maybe they will tomorrow.

If another guy tells me he wants a break, I will assure them it will be a permanent one. I don't want a guy who doesn't want me to help him work through something...I want a guy who will be there through the good and the bad for us both.

I duuno if this relationship has ended or not. But right now things are not looking too healthy b’cos i can not get him to speak to me. From the other members advise on this subject, i took it for couple days not to get in contact with him, but i couldn't keep what i had to say inside me for long, so yesterday i emailed him a letter how i felt, and how relationships like ours only last when there is communication between us. I told him how I felt about him, and how I wanted us to sort this problem out, rather then avoiding it. I told him that i noticed a big change in him in the past couple weeks and i couldn't understand why! He knows i want more out of the relationship, ie.. to visit his family and friends and of course to spend more time together and make more of an effort.

I also said when i ask about his family and friends, and what they do etc etc and what he gets up too, it’s only b'cos i take interest in him and the people around him that are important. Do I do anything wrong in wanting to know more about him?! Is it wrong to take interest? We have been dating for a year now. I told him, if i wasn't taking interest in him, why would i bother being with him?! I would of walked away ages ago. This LDR relationship isn't ideal for me, but i found a person whom i really really am fond off. And its upsets me, that things right now seem bad.

i tried calling him last night, but he avoided my phone call, and today, i was so upset, again i text him that he has left me hurt without any explanation to why he want's his space.

We live 130 miles apart, and get to see each other 1 or 2 times a month. How does one need his space sooo much, when i see him sooo little?!

He text me back saying he feels suffocated and stressed, and hasn't got space to breath, and all he asks for is a little space.

At the moment, I feel I am nothing to him, and he lacks the respect for me, and I know I am a good person and deserve so much more from this.

As hard as it is ... don't give him the space for him BUT for yourself ... Go out, meet people, focus on your own life instead of the what could be's with him. Because that will only drive him further away.

Keep your options open also! It will be his loss if you find someone better who will make you a priority in his life.

Take this time to focus on what YOU want ... You have the power of your life with what you want and don't want. And if your tired of waiting and unhappy with this guy then it's time to cut him loose.

It’s been 9 days since he requested his space and he hasn’t got in contact with me. I have been texting and trying to get in contact with him myself. Saturday was the last day I did, and he text me back he was feeling suffocated and stressed and felt he hasn’t got space to breath, and said he needed a little space as i wasn't giving it to him. I told him this was hurting me. So I left it there. But I don’t kno what the heck I am suppose to do. Should i give it a few more days? Or should I get in contact with him?! I can’t stand this. Im feeling, can't I trust him now?! and the respect has gone! I don't kno if this space thing is good or not. I don't kno what the results will be!.

Im befuddled to why he wants his space when we hardly don’t see each other. Was it the daily phone calls we used to have? I kno I bombard him with texts over a week ago, and most were negative, but, what else was I suppose to feel when suddenly he went cold on me.

he still has me blocked off on his msn on my personal one. One from his work (he has 2 work msn messengers ) and his personal one. Tho he hasn’t blocked me on my work msn!

i'm looking for answers, and i kno i need it from him! But i can't understand why men or anyone does this instead of communicating. We have a long distance relationship here; How much space does he need?!! He hasn't given me any time scale how long he wants for his 'space'. Nothing, even when i asked him.

i don't kno what he is doing, i don't kno what he is thinking, how he feels. I just don't kno.

I'm in shock this has happened.

When I actually spoke to him by phone, this is coming up 2 weeks ago and we had our chat, I asked him if he felt the same for me and wanted a relationship with me.. told him i wasn't wasting his time, that i truly wanted something for us, and he said yes and wanted the same, but just wanted to take things calmer. I KNOW what i want, and i kno its take time for some men to want that (commitment). I told him i was fine taking things calmer, as long as we were heading the same direction, rather then stand still. We have had this convo's before, but this time i brought the subject up, i said what i really wanted to say, b'cos i wanted to know where i stood with him, especially as i found him being quieter then usual..

He asks for space (for whatever reasons). Try to respect his wishes and just give him what he asks for ... If you keep nagging him with why why why you will for sure push him away and give him reasons to make that break a permanent one. Hang in there ... I know it's not a fun place to be in Limbo but take this space also to evaluate if he meets your needs and consider if you want him as your bf.

Give him a chance to miss you ... pick up hobbies, do fun things with friends keep your mind focused on other things, just have faith and trust that either way you will be fine... just give this one to the Universe to resolve!

if he is blocking you and not responding to you, especially if he is asking for space, most likely if you keep going after him he will keep running away...

i think you should really try to live your life and not put him at the center of it... he is not putting you at the center, and is pushing you away. it is not healthy for you to keep bombarding him if he is not responding. he does know your number and will call if he wants to talk.

but if someone cuts you out, and you don't hear from him after you've not contacted him for a while, you have to assume he has moved on and go about your own healing.

I haven’t had any contact from him since last Saturday when he text me he felt suffocated in out LDR! It’s been a year now since we first made contact and I can’t get out of my mind this is happening right now. I last text him on Wednesday saying hoping he was ok, and that I missed him, and that I hoped he would call me. Which to my disappointment, he did not.

I was wondering, if he does call me (which at the moment I don’t think nor feel he will) what do i say? Do I tell him that what he has done wrong (in my eyes, instead of communication)and has caused me a lot of hurt inside, to the point, can I trust him and feel I can respect him again?. I feel that he has showed no respect towards my feelings at all. When we had our last conversation, all i asked was if he was serious about me and wanted a future with me,. but obviously without rushing. I wanted to kno that our relationship was progressinmg forward. He said Yes to all! I just don't get it! Have i scared him off, and ..?!!?

Has anyone been in the same situation, and if so… was it a break up at the end, did they tell you they wanted a break up after they had their space?!, or did they just disappear silently with no answer?!.. OR did u solve ur problems and carried on with the relationship? Was it as stronger as before?!

I don’t kno how he feels for me. If he is thinking about me! Even if he misses me!

Its going to be my Birthday next week! I am sure he remembers! If not, and I don’t hear from him, then it’s a diffo over.

This has really affected me badly; guess my feelings for him were stronger then I thought. I do love him, and I have never felt like this for any body else, not for real inside!

If he calls ... just sound happy and upbeat and pleased to hear from him. Tell him about all the fun things you did. So he get's the message you don't depend on him for your happines (eventhough you felt probably the opposite). Because if he feels suffocated, it doesn't help the situation to let him know that you missed him, felt awfull without him.

Act confident and independent ... with that you will make a huge statement.

Yes I had men coming back to me after they pulled away for whatever reasons. But mostly it was to late, I didn't care much anymore. Don't wait around to long. You are a catch and if he doesn't see that, it's his bad luck.

Try to see it in that way.

My LDR has pulled back 2 ... We are still in contact but he doesn't make concrete plans to come and see me. I'm fine with it. But I'm not waiting around for him. I'm dating others and I'm reaching a point already that I don't really care if he's coming to see me or not.

My last text to him was on sunday and also my last phone call. No reply!

well, this week i didn't make any contact and also didn't sign on to my MSN messenger thru out the week. Today, i decided to sign online, and this morning, on his msn instant messenger (the one HE hasn't blocked me) he msn'd me saying , oh, are u at work today?! so i replied to a simple, yes! he then replied to that answer (i kept my other reply very simple with one word)... Well.. i haven't heard from him since this morning! He is obvously checking my msn to see if i have been online, and maybe he has been thinking, where have i been?!!.

I just sent him a text asking how he was. I really want to call him!. I dunno if the text was the right thing to do, but i have no reply from him! I am still very hurt of what he is doing to me, and he can understand that this has upsetted me alot, that he cannot contact me! Feels like now, he is playing silly games OR he still wants his stupid ''space'' which i really don't get from someone who says and feels ''suffocated'' in a relationship thats 120miles away apart.

Instead of celebrating a year of our first contact together this weekend and my b'day in next couple days, i am going thru a very horrible emotional time!

i have looked at all the reasons to why this is happening, good, but mostly bad ones! Basically i am preparing for the worse.

I don't think i can take much of this. Its draining me so much!

I strongly believe in every relationship, there has to be 100% committed communication and respect for one another! To trust one another, that any problems/feelings that come up, should be spoken one to one with eachother. Just to be honest.. instead of taking a ''break'' or ''space'' I'm not 100%, maybe he is genuine, but then again, i feel they are excuses to advoid me! i dunno! I have thought of everything, especially him msn'ing me today! Like he wants to show that he is there still. I don't want to wait forever! I have my dreams, and i want to live them! I guess i have thought a lot about him, and have questioned alot about HIM.

i dunno what to do now! I wanna get on that phone, and tell him he is taking the pi** right now!

I hope that you didn't call and that you are making some great plans to go out with your friends and family for your birthday.

Have fun without him and if he comes back you might have moved on and if not then it will be up to you to decide.

Unfortunately I tried to call him on Friday night, and he avoided me, AGAIN! I didn’t logg on to my msn for a week at work nor at home and on Friday, I signed on online, to which he msn me to say/check I was at work, to which I replied, yeah! That was it that day.

Didn’t hear from him on Saturday.

Come Sunday, on my birthday of all days I sent him a short email saying he had someone in me who had truly had feelings for him and wasn’t messing him about, and that he had hurt me so much with suddenly wanting his distance and space, when I thought we were happy together. About an hour after I sent him that email, (not sure if he read it or not) I got a lame text from him ‘’happy birthday’’ A TEXT. A whole year of dating, and all the good things we had said and felt and did for each other, and all I got from him was a text, no phone call, no nice surprise, no nothing, no explanation why he was feeling so negative towards me! Nothing. So I text him back to say It was over, I couldn’t take this anymore from him, and that I deserved to be treated better from someone who wants to be with me and makes no excuses. That evening, he text saying.. ‘I do pick my moments’, so I replied, that everything was a joke to him.

This month, I have thought a lot about him, and come to realise maybe he wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship, (not like i asked him to marry me!!) hence why I didn’t get to meet his family and friends. I didn’t put pressure on him when we spoke last or too much when we were together. Ok, I did ask a few times to meet his family and want more effort from him, but from any girl who was dating a guy for some time would like that kinda of progression in a relationship. All I wanted to know was were a stood with him and that we both felt the same, b’cos I did feel him going quiet on me suddenly and especially him cancelling on me on trip to him beginning of may got me thinking of his real intentions for me! I dunno.. Plus i was always very honest how i felt, good or bad, happy or sad.. communication is very important to me.

Or either that, I was just convenient for him as he got to see me so little being far away, and when I asked or made arrangements to see each other more often, he got scared. I dunno what the Real reason is, i can guess. But I am in shock of everything, and why everything has gone so wrong.

The fact is, I still have feelings for him and i do miss him, and at the same time hate him and feel so hurt. I didn't see this happening. He had space being so far away from me. How much did he need. I don't think he has met someone else cos he doesn't seem the type, even tho i asked in my email, but i haven't ruled that option out.

I spent my weekend birthday alone, with anger, and tears and a box of tissues.

Maybe he will come to regret what he done, maybe not!

I'm so sorry to hear that you had a rotten birthday. Big hugs to you and a virtual glass of champagne to toast the birthday girl.

As for the relationship it sounds like you are moving on. I know that feelings developed over time will take time to fade but if you are already seeing that he isn't ready and willing to give you what you want and deserve then you are already making big steps forward.

Allow yourself time to concentrate on getting what you want out of life that perhaps having to focus on long distance trips have preventing you from doing. ie sports at the weekend, scrapbooking, learning a language, studies, whatever you want really. Maybe doing an activity you love will help you to meet some great friends (and maybe more) in time for you to have an absolute blast this summer.

Hi Guys

me again!

well, need some advise here. The obvious is to ignore him totally, but i have tried.. getting there slowly. plus i still have my feelings.

A little re-cap on my problem. Now 'ex' asked for his space over a month ago in a relationship that had enough space then Apollo 13 going round the moon. He said he felt suffocated and stressed. He didn't tell me how long he needed his space, so i was left hanging. I auto assumed this was over.

So the first few weeks i was bombarding him asking for answers and basically telling him what i thought of the whole situation and how is was treating me all of a sudden and really hurting me. He also BLOCKED me on two instant msn accounts of his! STILL not returning my calls and text's, i slowly gave up, with the odd texting and calls here and there, ( Which made things worse, especially for me as he werent picking up) so i decided to play the game too and didn't go online on my msn for a whole week, plus put on hold the texting and calls! So he saw that i was away!

anyways, to cut this story short.. couple weeks ago, i got a rubbish text from him wishing me a happy b'day, and i ended it with him via text. i said it was over, i had enough of the crap he was giving me. etc etc

then come going back to work, i signed onto my msn to find that he had unblocked me from ALL his msn accounts,and now he sends me sometimes ''small talk text' messeges, which kinda winds me up. I do try and not reply, but when i do, i find myself texting back being still upset and that, when i kno i shouldn't be, and it also shows i am still angry.

Yesyerday i said, hi on msn, and he replied hi. Then i asked him if it was ok, to say hi. he replied, 'u tell me'' so i replied i should be saying the same to u. anyways, he said, i was messenging u on sunday and u didn't like it. So i replied, saying that i was drained by all this and still upset why things have gone wrong between us, and with him avoiding me. I KNO I SHOULDN'T BE SAYING THAT. I should be doing the opposite, sound happy and all, just pretend at least.

i don't get this from him all of a sudden. Is he interested or playing stupid games! ALSO, i ask myself now, was he ever interested in a real relationship with me..All thats happened right now has put hurtful doubts in my mind

When we were together, we were fine, normal, relaxed, loving like any couple. He would pay/treat for things (i did as well), show affection in private and public, take me to new places (as i did for him). Have fun together and we got close.

There were times and in which i did question myself how interested and how much he was into me.. to the point of stepping further into the relationship. How committed was he deep down?!

1. i never had heard him call me his g/f. or say the words. or even say himself we were a real couple. HE would show that affection side of him towards me which was lovely.. with the kisses, cuddles, holding me tight in his arms, holding hands, being sweet and doing those loving things , and being a little tease as well... the body language was there basically as well as all the phonecalls!.

2. when i was in the car waiting for him outside his mates house. (that was the last time i saw him in fact). he was invited to go in, but had to say no. He told me this when he got back into the car and said, that he had ''his lady friend'' waiting. That kinda peed me off! and in his reply when i questioned it, said it was a mature way of saying girlfriend.. (yeah right, i thought)

3. never met his family nor friends within the year. which i kinda asked myself what were his real intensions for me and in the relationship, he weren't too strong maybe?! He said there was no rush for that. I hated the thought he was keeping me hidden away.

4. sometimes it felt it was me who was doing all the work, MAIN example.. arranging when we were gonna see eachother.. especially with my trip to him, in which i had to pre arrange to book my train ticket in advance! Not saying he didn't make effort; he did, especially when together which i loved. Plus he would always call me every day after work and in the evenings if i didn't call him.

advise pls!

He asked for his space.. i kinda pushed him further away with my text's and calls. Now when i have cooled off,and he saw that, he has got in contact himself in the last couple of weeks by small talk via text or msn. NO PHONE CALL. Haven't spoken over a month!

I still have feelings for him, cos i still have in my mind the nice times we had together,and i miss his voice and him being at the end of the phone to speak too and hear his voice, and talk about our day etc etc... But more and more as the days go on, i do feel, i don't care anymore cos i am so drained by this.. cos i want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I know i am still upset and in shock with him, and how he has treated me so badly so suddenly. Like i want an explaination!

Why did he pull away from a someone who is decent.? and not hold onto?. I am sad that he coudn't hold on to someone good he found in me!.

sorry i have gone on. But am i reading to much into him contacting me. i got a feeling it will wear off. but then again...?!