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Ok I have some issues, doesnt everybody?! How do you get over parental issues? I dont want to be one of those people that blames their upbringing for their mistkaes, in fact consciously I know they did the best they could and I have the power to change who I am. But how do I overcome them? I am an adult now but still have the same mechanisms built in me from when i was a child. My mother was really overprotective, barely allowed me to make my own decisions, and was emotionally unavailable, and basically saw me as an extension of herself. Even now I feel like I dont have my own identity, and Im have bad anxiety problems, bc im constantly wanting to please other people and think what do they want from me so they will like me and i can make them happy? Even my career is based on my parents decision. I feel like I dont know who I am, and am really depressed- help!

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Well you could have done what I did and rebel against your parents thus ending up a complete mess. Be glad you followed their plan, now you'll be allowed the freedom to follow your own path as you age and mature.

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The simple answer is you learn different ways of behaving and different ways of dealing with and interacting with the world around.

 

The reality is doing that is difficult because, right now, you probably don't know any other ways of doing things...and because we're creatures of habit and learning new ways of doing things is difficult and scary.

 

Difficult...but not impossible. You can make it a bit easier on yourself by getting some counseling. A good counselor/therapist can help you figure out some of the ideas and behaviors you are hanging onto that are no longer serving you well and perhaps suggest some healthier alternatives. You can also check your library for various self-help books on the areas that are your particular stumbling blocks. Maybe some books on co-dependency or "people pleasers" would be a good place to start?

 

One important thing is to set small, realistic, reachable goals for yourself. You are not going to change a lifetime of behaviors and thoughts overnight. They will only change in small increments over time IF you keep practicing/experimenting with new thoughts and behaviors until they become second nature.

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Now that you are more mature...It's time to break free. I was brought up the same way, and I am thankful that I was. However, when I turned 19 I finally followed MY heart and not my fathers. Your parents may have lead you through the safe path, but who wants to be "safe?" You need to experience things for yourself.

 

Stop trying to appease everyone, they don't live your life and they don't feel your sadness. Such a cliche', but you only live once.

 

Good luck.

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