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Thread: Extrovert but shy around the girl they like- how to tell if he likes you?

  1. #1
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    Extrovert but shy around the girl they like- how to tell if he likes you?

    I'm usually quite outgoing but I naturally act more snobby, disinterested in a guy that I like when in fact I'm REALLY into them. So does this happen for guys too? So how do you tell if they like you?
    Last edited by rachelb; 05-03-2007 at 12:00 AM.

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    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
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    they flirt with you. make little innocent jokes about you to you. it can go either way. compliments, teasing, etc. if you notice they show you more attention than you are used to.

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    I know they like flirting with me when they flirt and I know they are interested in dating me - even the very shy ones - when they ask me out on a date. I would avoid acting snobby and disinterested if you are indeed interested - rather, act warm, approachable and friendly and at some point work in the activities you like to do and your interests so that it is a natural next step for him to feel reasonably comfortable asking you out.

    If a man acts snobby or aloof he is off my radar even if I am attracted to him (I should say, in the past since I am seeing someone). I don't have time to analyze since the ones who are sincerely interested and available- single and emotionally - have always stepped up to the plate and asked me out.

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    Originally Posted by Batya33

    If a man acts snobby or aloof he is off my radar even if I am attracted to him (I should say, in the past since I am seeing someone). I don't have time to analyze since the ones who are sincerely interested and available- single and emotionally - have always stepped up to the plate and asked me out.
    he doesn't act snobby or aloof, but a little more awkward and hot/cold than normal? but is always smiling and warm. and i act really hot/cold too sometimes. so even if a guy liked you heaps, they won't ask you until they're 100% sure they like you?

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    Well, no, I've been asked out several times where I was sure I was giving a "not interested!" signal. A man - like a woman - will ask someone out where the risk of rejection is outweighed by the benefit of getting a date with that person. Maybe there are some exceptions - a person who asks just on a dare/sense of challenge, a person who enjoys being rejected, etc but that's the basic situation - people go towards pleasure and away from pain wherever possible. Each person analyzes the risks/benefits differently. In my experience, if a man is sincerely interested and emotionally and otherwise available he will ask you out on a date he plans in advance. My experience is over the last 20 plus years and I have gone on dates with/been asked out by hundreds of men during that time period. It's also based on the experiences of my friends and many people I know, with few exceptions.
    With respect to the particular guy you referenced, he may be interested in dating you and you will know that if/when he asks you out. It's reasonable to assume that if you are not warm, friendly and approachable, his risk/benefit analysis may result in not asking you out - it may. It also may be he enjoys flirting with you, enjoys the female attention, but has no intention of asking you out.

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    Gold Member randomgirl59's Avatar
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    haha...i'm just like you...I can act totally outgoing, normal and even a bit flirty with guys i'm no interested in, but if I like someone, A LOT, I get really nervous and shy around them...not so much snobby, but I try to act disinterested to a point cuz I dont want them to know how I feel.

    In reality, this probably makes it more obvious to them..he'll either think "why does this chick act weird around me, but normal around my friends..she either doesnt like me, or has a thing for me"

    if a guy acted like that towards me, i'd probably assume that.....its just best to try and look at the one you have a crush on as someone you see as just a friend, hopefully then you can loosen up..

    what you said about your crush being hot/cold and awkward yet friendly sounds just like the guy i had a crush on

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    So what happened to that crush?

    Yeah that pretty much sums it up. When he's around me he can sometimes he can sometimes be really smiley and chuckles at random things I say (that aren't really that funny haha). Also, the other time I was walking around campus, and saw him walk really fast from somewhere behind me, go ahead of me and kinda turn and smile at me.

    Other times when he gives me this small kinda awkward smile and acts a bit shy or as if he's avoiding me? and then we look at each other in this awkward stare. It's hot/cold so I don't really know what to think!

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    Why not think "nothing" until and unless he asks you out on a date? If your question is whether he is attracted to you the answer is probably yes - but it doesn't mean he wants, or is available, to date you. Hot/cold doesn't matter - because you will know he wants to date you when he asks you out on a date (as long as you also act warm, friendly and approachable- if you don't he might still ask you out but as mentioned he then has to endure a higher risk of rejection if he gets the impression you are not into him).

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    Gold Member randomgirl59's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rachelb
    So what happened to that crush?

    Yeah that pretty much sums it up. When he's around me he can sometimes he can sometimes be really smiley and chuckles at random things I say (that aren't really that funny haha). Also, the other time I was walking around campus, and saw him walk really fast from somewhere behind me, go ahead of me and kinda turn and smile at me.

    Other times when he gives me this small kinda awkward smile and acts a bit shy or as if he's avoiding me? and then we look at each other in this awkward stare. It's hot/cold so I don't really know what to think!
    nothing happened, thats the problem

    he would never approach me, i'd always have to talk to him..and he was fine with it, he'd keep the convo going and talk about stuff we had in common and everything and he's always been really friendly, holding doors, lending cd's etc, he even did the whole look, get caught by me, then look away thing.....BUT...he never asked me out or bothered to be around me outside of school, so I just figured that he wasn't interested in me in a romantic way...i have to see him in school next year..gah...i'm trying so hard to forget about him..i hate having crushes really, they always end in heartbreak..

    honestly though, i'd try not to read into things too much...because that's exactly what I did and it went nowhere. Analyzing every little thing just drives you crazy and adds uneccissary stress..although I'm still not sure if I agree with the whole "if a man really likes a woman, he WILL ask her out, no matter what" theory, I do think that unless he goes out of his way to talk to you or be around you, then you should just play it cool and be friendly, dont try to overanalyze his actions, its pointless

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    I don't think a man will ask out a woman only if he really likes her in a romantic way - he has to really like her and be available to date - that means, he is interested in dating, he is not dating anyone else, and he is emotionally available to date her. It is pointless to try to read someone's "signals" unless it is very important to your ego to know if he is attracted to you in a sexual way. Sexual or romantic attraction doesn't always translate into being asked out on a date - could be many reasons having nothing to do with you.

    Acting disinterested is a pretty good way to make sure that a man who is shy will not take the plunge and ask you out -- that just increases the rejection risk for him. In the case you described, he didn't sound shy in the least - he probably just wasn't interested in dating you.


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