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Thread: Don't know what to do...

  1. #641
    Member chocolatemilk's Avatar
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    I don't really think it is too much of a worry. I'd worry if she wasn't affectionate at all. You could try experiment with not saying it and find other ways to show that you care? and see what that's like. You know to try it how she does it sometimes and see how it is like from her perspective?

    I suppose you didn't ask her how she feels when you say it?

  2. #642
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Thank you for your reply. As my friends all seem to think I should be with a guy they are not very objective and it's hard to not have anyone to talk with about relationship stuff, it's easy to blow up small things into something huge in your mind.

    I suppose you didn't ask her how she feels when you say it?
    I sort of asked her that later. She said it made her uncomfortable in the beginning in our first relationship because she thought I had her on a pedestal and she was worried about not living up to my expectations. She is used to it now, it's part of my personality and says she didn't mean I am corny, that it's like her hating pink but on me it's not that bad.

    I guess it means it doesn't bother her but at the same maybe it doesn't do much for her either?

    Saying it is not the only way I show I care, I like giving her sweet notes, take her out. I tease her a lot too, I call her darling because I know she hates it but teasing can be a way to show affection too (well I tease everyone but especially her), I like provoking her a little. But E is unquestionable more thoughtful than I am in many ways, I have hardly ever baked anything for her and while I have bought things to her when I'm shopping my mind is usually elsewhere so it doesn't come to me naturally like it seems to her, I have to plan it in advance. She always offers to help, I like helping too but my brain isn't as quick as to recognizing when to help.

    Well while going through what she does do it does seem a little silly worrying about what she doesn't.

  3. #643
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    Wayfara, I don't suppose you will still be updating this thread, but if you and E are still together, I hope you have melted her defenses; if not, I still hope the two of you are very happy nevertheless.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us, I found it quite inspiring to be honest.

    As for verbal affection, perhaps you could find ways to encourage it somehow? Like doing something you know she likes whenever she says the "big words" as she puts it... I'm sure she likes it when you express your affection for her verbally so it shouldn't be a big leap from that to understanding that you would like it too if she does it more often.

  4. #644
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teller-of-tales
    Wayfara, I don't suppose you will still be updating this thread, but if you and E are still together, I hope you have melted her defenses; if not, I still hope the two of you are very happy nevertheless.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us, I found it quite inspiring to be honest.

    As for verbal affection, perhaps you could find ways to encourage it somehow? Like doing something you know she likes whenever she says the "big words" as she puts it... I'm sure she likes it when you express your affection for her verbally so it shouldn't be a big leap from that to understanding that you would like it too if she does it more often.
    Hi teller-of-tales. I've been thinking of updating but as it's been awhile I didn't think anyone remembered the thread. Things have been have been very good surprisingly so. Well it was a bit rocky in the beginning, I think it took us both some time to get used to being together again.

    She is still not very verbal, she has said she loves me one time since we got back together, like in a very wavering, wooden way, "I... hm... love you" sort of lol. Well she hugged me afterward, told me how I'm her best friend. She says pretty frequently she likes me tons and tons, and a few times that she admires me. Maybe she is shy. She gave me an envelope a couple of weeks ago and I was about to open it and she was like, almost shocked, "Don't read it while I'm here". This of course made me more all the more curious to read it and she ended up snatching it back and only returned just before she was leaving. She has yet to put down "I love you" in writing but her cards and letters are very heartfelt. It feels nice to get something in handwriting too, makes it personal, and her handwriting is funny to see, so tight and tiny while using so much force it's a surprise the paper doesn't break.

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  6. #645
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    Hi Wayfara, I'm glad to hear that you and E are doing well!

    I don't think E is shy exactly, just very introverted. I can sort of understand how she feels since I am an introvert myself, and generally we tend to be able to express ourselves better through writing. From what you're saying it sounds like E is gradually opening up. But then her reserve is also quite charming, isn't it.

    Do keep updating, it's such a pleasure to read your updates; heck, I've never forgotten about this thread since I started reading it back in 2007! I'm sure there are many here who are the same but they are just lurking.

  7. #646
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=teller-of-tales;5600360]then her reserve is also quite charming, isn't it.

    Maybe Yes. It's weird how something can frustrate you yet it you also find it endearing. And as much I want her to open up I don't think I would like it much if she went the other extreme blowing up my phone with sweet notes about how much loves me, would feel like someone had kidnapped her and replaced her with a bad copy.

    Well, got to go now, supposed to meet her in an hour

  8. #647
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    Hey Wayfara! Thanks for the update. So glad to hear that you and E are still together and are doing well!

    At 65 pages, this is the longest thread I've read. I agree with the other posters that you are an incredible writer. This all read like a novel, and it's amazing that you have a detailed story here of you and E's journey together. The advice given along the way was great and good to see everyone here being so supportive and helpful.

    Best of luck to you both!

  9. #648
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Thanks for the kind words Yes, 65 pages is quite long lol, I am surprised every time anyone manages to read it. I can be pretty talkative, should hear me retelling movies, takes almost as much time as watching them haha.

    Originally Posted by Iggles
    The advice given along the way was great and good to see everyone here being so supportive and helpful.
    The posters have been very supportive, I will always be in debt for all the help I have received.

  10. #649
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    One day, (assuming E is okay with it of course) you should write a novel about your experiences, Wayfara.

    I've been reading some articles on asexuality recently, does E still consider herself asexual? She does seem quite obviously sexually attracted to you though. Or maybe she is demisexual?

  11. #650
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teller-of-tales
    One day, (assuming E is okay with it of course) you should write a novel about your experiences, Wayfara.
    Haha, you really think anyone would want to read about a bully and one anti everything? I don't know how E would feel about it as she is a private person. Maybe if it was a way to do it anonymously and there was some money into it, but lesbians are in minority and Sweden is a small country so there is probably not that big market for a lesbian book. I do like writing though and if I ever write a book I will probably use some of it as inspiration.

    I've been reading some articles on asexuality recently, does E still consider herself asexual? She does seem quite obviously sexually attracted to you though. Or maybe she is demisexual?
    I thought she could be asexual in the beginning as she always denied being interested in anyone but she never told me herself she was asexual. She says she's gay, but also that I'm the only one she has thought of in that way. I'm not sure how she knows she is gay if I'm really the only woman she has been sexually attracted to but she said one time, when she still was very much against having sex, that the only thing she could think as worse than lesbian sex was heterosexual sex. I don't really know what she considers herself (besides gay), she still doesn't want reciprocation. I told her I could touch her like she touches her herself, she said she didn't touch herself.

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