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Thread: Don't know what to do...

  1. #631

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    hi hello every .. this is Scott kaiser new here in town..

    i agree with that..

  2. #632
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    I've been feeling off a couple days, I'm not sure why. We got back together, I was happy and then I got the feeling it won't last, it's like I've already started mourning the end of the relationship.

    E has never been very verbally affectionate. There are times I think she rather wants to be my servant than my girlfriend. It sounds horrible but she likes asking for things she can do for me. We also do what I want most of the times, I think she thinks and I'm more mature and experienced (which is not true) so I must know best.

    We are intimate when we see each other and it feel very passionate when we do it, I like feeling she loves me and desires me as a girlfriend and I think that is partly the reason I've been wanting sex. She stays in bed with me afterwards but she often seems a bit distant, I get worried that she'll leave sometimes. I suppose I don't feel that useful to her. I have tried to ask if there isn't anything at all she wants done to her and she says no, I'm concerned that the sex might mostly be for my benefit.

    Normally I'm pretty even-tempered but with her my emotions are much closer to the surface. We had a nice picnic Friday, the weather was wonderful and she was really sweet. As soon as I came home I got this panicky feeling that we probably will break-up. It has come to the point that I've started considering anticipating the breakup by breaking up. I can only imagine how hurt she would be if I really did as it's only been a couple of weeks and as she told me several times that she wanted me to be sure if we would give it another chance. Or maybe she wouldn't care. In my view someone without friends would get lonely sometimes but she says she hasn't made friends because she hasn't felt lonely.

    I don't know why I'm feeling insecure when things have been mostly good. I've never been like this with a guy, I don't feel insecure with guys. I don't know, maybe it's because I've been stressed about school and we haven't been able to see each other as much as we usually do.

  3. #633
    Member tabbyloves's Avatar
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    Hey there,
    I've been reading your posts for about 4 days now (due to school and stuff) and i couldn't put it down, i had to keep reading lol. This is definitely an interesting situation. I was cheering everytime something went right for you and E and then i'd see something bad had happened ): I can't really give much advise on this though sorry. I'm in a relationship with girl and it's going to be 2 months on sunday ^.^ but we have distance blocking our problem from being affectionate with one another, and its so hard to ty and do everything over the internet..
    But anyway, I really hope everything works out for you and E

  4. #634
    Member DailyDreamer's Avatar
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    Oh no, I just read your recent post.

    I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you. Do you have that "too good to be true" feeling, so you don't want to continue before E ends it? Or is it more because you feel unfulfilled and want more than what you're getting out of this relationship?

    Unfortunately, even when you have the answer, sometimes you don't want it. We all continue things longer sometimes, hoping the outcome would and/or could be better at some point. Either that or because you have worked so hard and care so much for the person you're with. I'm not saying in a way where you don't feel like you could find someone else...but more in a way that you don't want to let go of E. There's definitely a strong bond there, but she's stubborn in her ways. Her barrier might very well always be there and she'll either have what she has with you or with no one at all.

    Man, I am sorry Wayfara. All I can say is that I hope things work out in whatever you feel is best. The decision you make should be the one that makes you happiest.

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  6. #635
    Member chocolatemilk's Avatar
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    Have you tried talking to her about some of your feelings? like not being 'useful' to her and worried that she will leave you?

    Also, since she asks for things that she can do for you maybe she might be more comfortable with writing a note than expressing herself verbally and you could ask for that?

    Just a thought but have you thought of asking her if there is something you can do? like not in a sexual context, perhaps a shoulder massage or something like that?
    Last edited by chocolatemilk; 06-05-2012 at 08:16 AM.

  7. #636
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    Hi Everyone,

    I've been reading this thread and a heap of others and i'm after some advice. I'm male and am pretty sure im gay but i'd like some point of views on the following situation if you all dont mind.

    Ok so I meet this guy a few years ago and my imediate thought was OMG hes defiantly gay. After a few weeks we got to talking and hanging out and he actually come to my birthday which was kind of weird considering id known him for four or five weeks. Well anyway as time has past i keep getting mixed signals from him. He's really femminite, dresses nice (always dresses like me), likes musicals, glee and all the stereotypical things that go with really feminine guys. I know you shouldnt judge on stereotypes but im only human. He apparently is always staring at me and smiling, he always laughs at my jokes and they might not even be funny but he still laughs. From what i can tell he has never had a gf either. He talks about moving in together and travelling around the world but never a mention of girls or anything. He never moves away if i touch him or give the occasioanal hug but if others do it he does. His friends are always making cracks at him about being gay but he just ignores them or changes the subject. Well anyway it got the better of me one day so i asked him if he was. He said after a bit of hesitation he wasnt and the girl hed been seeing would find it funny. I was pretty annoyed at that stage so i did some digging and found out he wasnt going out with that girl. He went weird for ages and we didnt hardly talk but its ok now. All my friends tell me hes gay and likes me but im not sure. Hes not ugly or anything and would be quite capable of getting a gf but he never does. I never see him hook up or take a girl home he justs hangs with his friends or me. All the hints are there he looks at me, flirts, talks louder than anyone in the room, wants to hang out, comes over to see me, comes to my work to see me.

    So anyway just wondering what people think.

  8. #637
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    [QUOTE]Hey there,
    I've been reading your posts for about 4 days now (due to school and stuff) and i couldn't put it down, i had to keep reading lol. This is definitely an interesting situation. I was cheering everytime something went right for you and E and then i'd see something bad had happened ): I can't really give much advise on this though sorry. I'm in a relationship with girl and it's going to be 2 months on sunday ^.^ but we have distance blocking our problem from being affectionate with one another, and its so hard to ty and do everything over the internet..
    But anyway, I really hope everything works out for you and E

    Thanks tabbyloves, it means a lot, I hope things work out for you and your girlfriend too.

    I guess I'm afraid our relationship will never be normal and stable. Things have always been kind of up and down between us and I know stable and healthy relationships aren't supposed to be like that. I also know you are not supposed to feel insecure in a relationship.

    Do you have that "too good to be true" feeling, so you don't want to continue before E ends it? Or is it more because you feel unfulfilled and want more than what you're getting out of this relationship?
    Both but unfulfilled might be the wrong word. When I got to know her it was like a new world opened to me. It's hard to find someone on the same wavelength who still challenges you. If they think too differently you just don't understand them, if they think too alike it gets boring, if they are much smarter you feel lectured, if they are much dumber you don't learn anything. With her I feel like we make each other grow and inspire each other to be better, I like that and I've not found quite the same thing with someone else. The thing is I feel like I'm bound to always feel insecure with her.

    The last weeks have been nothing but great but still I feel insecure and I'm afraid I'm going to blow it because of my insecurities. I don't know if it's because of lack of verbal affirmation from her or me being so into her making it feel so scary.

    Have you tried talking to her about some of your feelings? like not being 'useful' to her and worried that she will leave you?
    I haven't told her. Should I? Won't it seem too needy?

    Also, since she asks for things that she can do for you maybe she might be more comfortable with writing a note than expressing herself verbally and you could ask for that?
    You mean asking for sweet notes?

    Just a thought but have you thought of asking her if there is something you can do? like not in a sexual context, perhaps a shoulder massage or something like that?
    I have offered massages but she never wants one I have asked why and she has said massages are too touchy.

  9. #638
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by notsureyet
    I've been reading this thread and a heap of others and i'm after some advice. I'm male and am pretty sure im gay but i'd like some point of views on the following situation if you all dont mind.
    He sounds like he could be in the closet as he felt like he had invent a girlfriend but it's hard to say. Sorry for not being to much help. You will probably get more replies if you make your own thread, new threads get thrown up on the front page so more people see them.

  10. #639
    Member chocolatemilk's Avatar
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    I don't think it's needy, not in the context of a relationship especially if it is something that makes you question its long-term survival and yeah, I mean like a sweet note.

  11. #640
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    I have talked to her. She says she is serious about us and that she wouldn't get involved with me otherwise however she thinks saying "I love you", using pet names etc is corny and doesn't think it says anything about the intensity of one's feelings, that everyone with a crush think they are in love and the next month they are in love with someone else. She thinks big words should be used only sparingly. I told her about not feeling very useful to her and she said she likes when I hug and hold her and when we cuddle but we already do that.

    Is it worrying that she thinks saying "I love you" is corny? I tell her I love her all the time so she must think I'm super corny then. I don't know, she isn't unaffectionate, we hug a lot, she always seems happy to see me.

    I didn't ask her about the sweet notes because if she thinks saying I love you is corny she probably thinks writing it is corny too. I want to say though she has given me sweet notes before but they mostly go "To my very best friend ..." and she never gives them straight in my hand, like once she gave me a dvd movie and the card was inside the box which I didn't find it until much later.

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