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Thread: Don't know what to do...

  1. #21
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Thank you for all the replies.

    Oh my. If your mother only knew who might do the converting, lol!
    Lol, luckily she isn’t any good at telepathy.

    You might want to do something about your transparency, lol.
    Yeah, need to practice on the poker face, lol.

    Y'know, after knowing more about her and how she reacted, now I'm leaning towards "hm, she might be gay after all"
    You think?

    When I saw E at school she was wearing a skirt, first time. When she saw my surprised look she said: “Don’t tease me; these were the only clean clothes I had left.” She seemed embarrassed even though she didn’t show any skin. We talked for awhile, I asked her if she wanted to come over to my house but she didn't seem very keen on meeting my mother again.

    B is annoying as usual. He started talking to me after school about E. He asked if I had seen something strange about her, I said no. Then he started talking about that he had heard that E never had a boyfriend etc and was curious if I knew anything about it. I said that it probably was true.
    B: “That explains why she won’t go out with me.”
    Me: “Why is that?”
    Then he told me about his equation: female + not girly + no boyfriends = lesbian, but that he would turn her to the “light side” (his words). I’m beginning to dislike him more and more.

    He followed me until I reached my house. I was hoping that he would get lost but my mother saw him through the window and invited him in and fed him with biscuits and milk. He charmed her quite well and it turned out that my mother knows his mother. After he left my mother has made a load of comments like “Such a nice young man”, “Don’t you think he’s handsome?”, “I think you two would suit each other.” I think she was hoping that he would turn out to be my new boyfriend. I said he was a player and a smooth talker but she just laughed it off. I told her that he was all over E all the time in school but she said “Oh you are just inventing.”

    She has been preaching to me about my “obligation” to marry and have children, especially to have children, I’m not so fond of kids (maybe I’ll think differently in a couple of years). She thinks it’s my duty to pass the family genes to the next generation, not that she’s saying that I should get pregnant right away but that I should at least get children during my twenties. I was thinking “No way I do that” but she is trying to make me feel guilty as I am the only child. And now she is talking about calling B’s mother!

  2. #22
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    Are you going to tell E what he's said to you?

  3. #23
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    I don't know if I should, haven't decided yet.

  4. #24
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    If it was you he was saying these things about would you want her to tell you?

    I hope he's just being mouthy by saying he's going to change her mind and not force her to do anything?

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  6. #25
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    You are right. I'll tell her tomorrow.

    I think he is just being mouthy, but hey you can never know for sure.

  7. #26
    Bronze Member aquatic's Avatar
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    You think?
    Yes, but I won't tell you why because it won't help, you'll just start needlessly reading her-- she'll let you know in her own way if she is. Btw, just in case, if there's talk going around about her being gay, I'd suggest you either keep out of it or defend her (as per her word), even if there is suspicion on your (well, my, hehe) part.

    I don't think you two should hang out at your place. Though your mom said she apologizes, which is good and dandy, seeing more of what kind of person she is, I don't think any visit from E will be eventless. Maybe you guys can hang out at her place or the mall, or elsewhere, instead. I'm not ragging on your mom, it's just that I know her type-- and if she's not going to be a spectacle duirng E's visit, she will be after. And even the days that follow it.

    About what you mom keeps pressuring to be, play it by ear. You're still young and if you don't plan to have kids at your 20s, stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty. That last thing you want to be is miserable for the choices other people made for your life, esp. when it traps you from changing it to what you really want.

    Oh, and B sounds like a tool. Maybe you should tell your mom he slept with two girls in your class, if that doesn't keep her off your back about this match up, I don't know what will.

  8. #27
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    I agree about telling your Mother about B sleeping with the girls.

  9. #28
    Gold Member Wayfara's Avatar
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    Oh, and B sounds like a tool.
    What does the expression mean? Literally it sounds like he’s like a hammer or another utensil, lol (but maybe you mean that ). Sorry, English isn’t my primary language as you may have noticed.

    When I told E what B had said she became very serious and quiet and asked me if he really had said that. She hadn't realised that he was into her for real, she had thought that he was joking and just said strange things to her to be funny (oblivious girl, but now she knows better).

    I don't think you two should hang out at your place.
    You’re right, it’s best to keep E from my mother. I didn’t really know before that mother could get this fanatical, well I knew she had her ways but not that she could get this extreme. I do love my mother but right now I can’t stand her.

    I agree about telling your Mother about B sleeping with the girls.
    I already did but she doesn’t believe me. She thinks that I must have misunderstood or exaggerate because his mother is such a good person and he seems like such a nice young man. She thinks that I only dislike him because I am in a confused, disordered state (which I must be as I mentioned homosexuality and written that suspicious poem). She probably believes that I can be “cured” if I only spend some time with the opposite sex. What a headache… I’m so tired hearing her nagging.

    Maybe I should just stop fooling myself. If I try to be E’s friend it will end badly. I’m beginning to fall for her and that isn’t good, if I stay around her I could fall hard. I have already apologized for my bad behaviour and warned about B, I’ve done what I should have done. Now maybe it’s time for me to stay out of trouble. E is, what I know of, straight and spends probably only time with me because she feels she has to. Should I really bother her then? Besides it isn’t real love what I feel, it’s just infatuation or obsession. Most likely this thing is just a phase for me, something I can forget about if I stop seeing her. Besides, if I stop hanging out with her I think my mother would calm down for the moment and not try set me up with some random guy (at least until I move out and then she has no control over me any longer).

    Wouldn't it be stupid to put oneself in the situation of falling for a straight girl if one could prevent it? Am I right? What do you think? Should I stop trying to befriend her?

  10. #29
    Bronze Member aquatic's Avatar
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    What does the expression mean?
    An ignorant jerk.

    She thinks that I must have misunderstood or exaggerate because his mother is such a good person and he seems like such a nice young man.
    Well, since your mother likes to snoop around your things, leave a few condom packs in one of your drawers. I'd say that'll freak her out, but it seems your mother's selective about what to freak out about, so... LOL.

    Should I stop trying to befriend her?
    Have you ever given advice to friends only for them to ignore it? Despite all the analysis of pros and cons, they go against the advice. I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm just saying, eventually, no matter how logical or rational we look at this problem, you'll still have to listen to what your heart can take because it will speak the loudest.

    Can you take not talking to her despite seeing her everyday? Won't it make you miserable and jealous? Because, like it or not, this will ruin your friendship if you seem angry towards her all the time. Not talking to her won't guarantee forgetting her easier esp. when you see her a lot. If you can take it with some level of peace, then, yes, set some friendly distance. Maybe this will even be a good opportunity to see if she approaches you first because she enjoys your company and not becuase she's forced to, like what you think.

    Scenario 2: You are confused and admit that this might just be a fleeting obsession. If you really see it this way, I think spending time with her will make it clearer for you-- if it's just a phase or if she's really someone you can fall for. As of now, you just know the romanticized version of her, the mysterious E. Who knows, maybe once you really get to know each other, she's just a gal pal. Being aware that this is not really sexual, it should help you control your feelings while being around her.

    Or maybe including your other friends and turning this into one big group might help you relax more, as opposed to a one-on-one friendship with her.

    Actually, there are many possible scenarios and ways to pick apart and predict what can happen. Gauge yourself. And keep working on that poker face At the end of the day, if you do decide to distance yourself, just make sure you're not cutting her off coldly because that would be sending E a confusing/hurtful signal because you've just started being friendly so recently. Take her feelings into consideration as well.

    Hm, I'll be away for a few days. I'd like to know how this ends up, keep us posted. Hope you choose the right strategy! Good luck.

  11. #30
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    I advise you to stay friends with her.

    If you suddenly change your mind again she's never going to trust you again. She may even think you're playing games with her.

    If you're not sure whether she's friends with you because she wants to or because she has to then ask her. Just say, 'Do you mind that we hang out together?'

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