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How common is it to end up marrying your first love?


pesh

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I'm almost 19 and I have been dating this one guy for the past 5 and half years (since the 8th grade). It started out as what young love should be- innocent and not sexual in any way. Over quite some time our relationship progressed. We are now very close, are each other's best friend, and we love each other very much. We never fight, but we still do have disagreements, which we talk over and resolve the same day. He makes me feel special and loved, and I do the same for him. He is so caring and respectful, and has almost everything that I would want in a lifetime partner. I have never come accross anyone else that I could see myself dating. I think he quite possibly could be the one

 

The thing is, he is my first boyfriend, and I'm his first girlfriend. I don't need to date other guys to see how they are, and realize what jerks they can be. Is it possible to have found the perfect match without dating others?

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Yes, it is.

 

Meeting the right person is a matter of chance. For some people it might be the third or tenth person with whom they have a relationship. But it could just as easily be the first. It is not at all unusual for people to reconnect with their first love several years after breaking up and resuming the relationship and wishing they had not wasted the intervening years on other people.

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Hi Pesh,

I think that what you have is great, but you are also very young. I think that yes it is possible to have your first love be your soulmate. I have 6 sisters, and 4 of them married their first loves. I have had many conversations with a few of them on this issue. I am 32, and still am not married. I have dated, traveled, lived on my own and have had lots of fun. Every one of my sisters have said that they wish that they had done it like me. They wish that they had seen a little more and experienced a little more before they married. They are all happy and have great guys, but all married their firsts.

I think that if you feel in your heart that he is the one, and you enjoy him, then follow your heart. Remember though, you are young and have not experienced what it is like with anyone else to compare it too. Just enjoy what you have now, and don't worry about is he the one. If it is meant to be, it will be, now or ten years from now.. Have fun,live and enjoy life. you may be surprised how much you change over the next few years... Good luck!!!

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you could have! my parents were each others first love and have been married 35 years! it sounds like you have the real deal but........with age, people do change, I say grow a little together first. I actually grew out of my first love. you change into different people when you get older so, just give it time.

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Well for a snap survey...I have 10 close friends, we have all known each other from schooldays and continue to hang around as a "group" and all are now married.

 

Of the group, 1 basically married his first love. Instinctively I feel it would be something around this mark, 1 in 10 people marry their first love. I think DN said it best,

 

Meeting the right person is a matter of chance. For some people it might be the third or tenth person with whom they have a relationship. But it could just as easily be the first.
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I have "dated" well over 50 people... and my current bf is the closest I have come to the "perfect" man.

 

Im jealous, there is no reason why you and this guy shouldnt be together, DONT listen to other people if they tell you to break up... YOU decide what is good for your relationship.

 

You are a very lucky woman

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DONT listen to other people if they tell you to break up... YOU decide what is good for your relationship.

 

Ah, if only my bf didn't think we should date others before getting married. Although I suspect that his mother may be pressuring him to do so. (But it's not like we would be getting married now anyway... not until we graduate from college at the soonest.)

 

I don't want to date other people, and I got very upset of the prospect of perhaps losing him. But all of your posts have been encouraging that we may in fact end up together. Oh, God, I hope so!

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Ah, if only my bf didn't think we should date others before getting married. Although I suspect that his mother may be pressuring him to do so. (But it's not like we would be getting married now anyway... not until we graduate from college at the soonest.)

 

I don't want to date other people, and I got very upset of the prospect of perhaps losing him. But all of your posts have been encouraging that we may in fact end up together. Oh, God, I hope so!

 

 

well, if it makes you feel any better, the guy Im with now was my first real bf when I was younger

 

(perhaps not that encouraging... DONT read my threads!! )

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I've heard that couples who marry right from outside of high school divorce more often than those who don't and wait a few years. If you guys can wait for a few more years, maybe until you both finish college, you should be in better standing to get married.

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Hi you are so lucky, he sounds just lovely i must say. i have one friend who is still with her first love after 7 years but dont know of any others.

 

so of course it happens but I dont think its that common. it usually takes people a lot longer to find their "one". its taken me 32 years and im still looking! WHERE IS HE!!!!?

 

it all depends i suppose if your needs change as you get older as its possible you might grow apart, or you might grow together and not change!

 

Well done and count your blessings.

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I've heard that couples who marry right from outside of high school divorce more often than those who don't and wait a few years. If you guys can wait for a few more years, maybe until you both finish college, you should be in better standing to get married.

 

Oh yes, of course. I wasn't planning on it until after college... I am still way too young to be married, although I do know a few couples my age who ar married (3 to be exact.)

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I'm 32 now. I met my first love at 16, he was 19. We dated each other for about 8 years and then got married, our marriage lasted 12 months because I realised that I was too young, and had committed to a man because he was all I knew and it was what everyone in my life expected of me. I have never regretted my decision to end the marriage. The only thing I would have done differently, would have been to end the relationship when I was 20 or so to enable myself to have time on my own to explore myself and the world around me.

 

I personally think there is a real danger to making a long term life decision so young. And its not that you necessarily have to date other people, but I'd suggest not making a marriage decision until you've had more life experience, in all senses - work, travel, friendships etc.

 

Since having ended my first love r'ship, I have had probably 4 other serious relationships and a few short encounters. These have really helped me to work out what it is that I want and need from a partner and for my own future. I didn't learn any of this out of the nearly 10 years with my first partner - because two people tend to become so enmeshed over time and lose that ability to challenge themselves and their identity, as well as what will make them happy. I truly believe now that it is other new people in our lives that can only help us do that. Because each person you meet or date will bring to you a new perspective on the world and relationships, and this has taught me so much.

 

Anyhow its all personal choice. But I say take your time and even if you do stay together, try and get out and do as much as you can 'on your own' as an independent woman so you can challenge yourself outside of your relationship at the very least.

 

Good Luck x

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5 years? Yikes! Its going to go down the pooper soon because according to biology, those crazy signals that are going through both of you love birds' brains is temporary insanity.

 

You should've gotten married 4 years ago, but expect the flame to burn out anytime now. You might as well toss a bucket of water on it.

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  • 1 year later...

wow.

 

im having the same problem

except i have been going out wit her for 3 months but like exzctly how you feel, i feel. we do get into arguments but we also resolve it later on in the day

she treats me wit care also and she does things for me that i thought nobody would do, me and her have the greatest things in common, and the rarest too

well u have amazed me and i hope u do last wit this guy becuase i wanna last wit my girl

soo good luck

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  • 3 months later...

I am 18 and have been dating my boyfriend (who is now 20, and ill be turning 19 in may) for two years as of valentines day, and he is doing the same thing as yours. we just got engaged 1 month ago, but do not intend on getting married for several years (yes, we are going to wait), i have a rapid mind and am always changing and i have never thought of ending what him and i have; i love him to death and i am learning every day more and more my feelings for him. we are complete opposites and never fought until a few times just recently.

it breaks my heart when he says he wants me to date some people before i decide for sure on him (i already said yes to the engagment), hes always saying how much of a screw up he is and how he thinks i deserve better, but i dont want "better." i am a freshman in college and such if that helps and hes leaving for the airforce this coming april for bootcamp, and i am going to miss him for the 8 or so months.

his parents have been divorced since he was 5, and so he travels out of state sometimes to stay with his mother, but the longest hes been away was a month and we talked everyday on the phone. he is my 3rd boyfriend and first kiss ever. and i am his second girlfriend (his first one cheated on him). he has lost a lotof close people in his life, and i have almost lost my mother manytimes.

i do not intend on getting married for a couple of years.

i understand y he wants to date, just cuz he thinks i can find someone better and someone who can relate to me more, but i cry anytime i think of life without him, i dont know what id do if we ever broke up; ive never cried over any guy except him.

and i dont know what to do. and i was hoping for some of your guy's expertise. btw he is also my first love... (i think hes had more experiances than i have, but we both have had experiance)

and also, do people change after they get married and sometimes become intolerable?

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