Why is doing the right thing sometimes so hard?

[teagirl]

We officially broke up last August, which I initiated. We kept talking and seeing each other. We both felt like it was still a relationship though. At one point I said I wanted to get back together and he said he didn't want a relationship. At the end of February I decided this was becoming a really unhealthy situation for me, so I told him I needed to sort myself out. We went into LC with him mostly contacting me.

I had read a lot of post's on here and after awhile decided that I needed to go NC to fully get over him. I wrote him an email explaining where I was at, but didn't come right out and tell him I wanted NC. He contacted me less then 2 weeks later. After 7 weeks of LC I finally told him on Saturday I wanted total NC. It was a very difficult conversation as we both finally said somethings that needed to be said.

I thought I was ready for NC and had done it gradually to give me enough space to know if it was what I really wanted. It's been 4 days and I swear this is way worse then I thought it would be. Who knew? Even though I'm technically the dumper here, it's not any easier. In fact I almost find it tougher because I know if I picked up the phone and called him, he would answer and want to go back to having me in his life on a full time basis.

Why is doing the right thing for you sometimes so hard?

[deelove2010]

Hi teagirl

Why did you want breakup with your EX in the first place?

[darkpumpkin]

Incredibly. I will give you an example from the other side. My first love broke-up with me. We had LC for about 6 months before he started dating someone new. When that relationship ended he started LC with me again. I foolishly kept it up for whatever reasons I did and so did he. He finally told me a year and half later from the orginal break-up that by us continuing LC he was not able to really move on and find someone to be with. I as well never found someone with substance to be with.

About 2 months later he found someone and when I finally delt with emotions that I had put off for that year (because it never really felt like he left my life) I found someone as well.

That ended but I can look back and know that the best thing to do is N/C until you can move on/get right with yourself.

I think your doing the right thing and I have found the hardest thing to do in this world is the right thing.

[kekep]

I had the same difficulties with my ex. I read a quote somewhere on link removed that said "Sometimes two people can love one another, but in the end, just not be right for each other." Can I ask, was the breakup due to issues with compatibility? Why did you initiate it--were you two fighting a lot?

I will tell you, I think your instincts were telling you to break things off with him for a reason. Maybe the timing is off, or you don't see a future with him...either way, what's done is done. If you two are meant to be, I believe in time it will work itself out and you will reunite. However, for now it's best to move on from it and go into NC cold turkey. I think you'll find as time goes on, the pain of losing him will wear down a bit. The first stage of a breakup is always tough. the idea behind NC is so simple, yet hard to actually stick with. You're basically breaking an addiction to someone, and it's really difficult to do this, especially when you are so used to talking to that person every single day. You WILL see things that remind you of them, you WILL miss them, you WILL feel like talking to them after you hear something funny that you know they would also find amusing...these things are inevitably going to happen, but you have to learn to be strong and to resist those urges to contact your ex.

I will say, it is refreshing to read about a dumper's side of the breakup, and to know for a fact that sometimes it really is hard for both sides, not just the dumpee. Sorry, this isn't meant to take joy in your pain AT ALL, I only mean to say it makes me feel a little better about my breakup and that it wasn't so easy for my ex to walk away from our relationship.

Anyway, so good luck to you teagirl, feel free to PM me anytime. I'm here to talk

[poloplayer]

Hi,

Why is doing the right thing for you sometimes so hard?

Because it doesn't mean that you want to do it, but you are wise enough to know that it is the right thing to do. When I am presented with tough or tricky situations, I think, "What is the next right thing to do?" Why? Well, because for me, what I usually want to do or how I want to handle something isn't always the best way. And the best way means for me, for others involved, etc., from a self-less, objective point of view.

I liken it to a "nice guy" quote which I use for myself. It's very easy to be a jerk, but it's tough to be the nice guy, or the bigger person. I am not a natural nice guy so when I learned that quote a long time ago it rang true and made sense.

[teagirl]

Thanks for all the comments. Today is a better day. I had a long talk with a good friend who reminded me of what I was gaining by doing what I've done. I'm gaining the possibility of a better future for myself. One which includes things I want like getting married and having children.

My friend also reminded me that something had to change. By having things remain as they where with LC I was never going to meet someone else. I needed to open up space in my life so I will meet someone new.

As to why we broke up, I know the reasons why it was all fully discussed. I'm not sure it really matters anymore though. We both tried our best and it didn't work. At this point I know what is best for me is to go on and gain new experiences. I wasn't growing or changing in that relationship with having LC. I would rather be on my own then have things stay the same for fear of losing him. Especially in a sense we both lost each other long ago.

There might be times ahead when I question what I've done, but in my gut I know it was the right thing.