Why in the world do people cut???

I just don't get it...as far as i know, none of my friends cut. I don't do it myself.

Don't see how it helps people...always thought it was to get attention. I don't mean to offend anybody but that is my opinion thus far.

So inform me...why cutting? If it's all about dealing with your problems (seems to be the idea but i really don't know)then...Why not talking? Why not a sport? Why not anything else? Im really interested...

I was in an abusive marriage. The first time I cut, it was because I was told over and over that I was worthless, disgusting and pathetic. That I was emotionally unstable and that was why I was crying all the time. That I didn`t deserve to be crying because there was something wrong with me.

So after a fight where he twisted everything to be my fault (as usual), I got yelled at for crying. And when the tears still wanted to come, I hid in the bathroom and cut myself. I was a bit out of my mind, but some twisted logic was saying "now I have a reason to cry."

And the pain from the outside and cleaning it up was a lot easier than dealing with the pain my "emotional problems" were causing me. When I cleaned and bandaged it up, I miraculously didn`t feel like crying anymore. It was like I had found a secret way to cry.

The few other times I cut were all similar incidents. I was not allowed to get my emotions out any other way. I hid the cuts, they were easier to hide than tears (I am one of those people who look like a mess for hours after a cry - with cutting, I just needed a bandage and a long sleeve... and maybe a good story if noticed. I blamed quite a few neighbourhood cats for long bloody scratches on my wrists or leg).

I have left the marriage. I now know I am not emotionally sick. I now know I can trust myself and my feelings. I now have no need to hurt myself.

If you have never cut or had the urge to do so you will never understand.

I don't know much about the subject. My gut instinct tells me that many people cut as a physical expression of self-hate.

i had a friend who cut and he said he did it because the physical pain took away the emotional pain and it was the only way he knew how to "express" his emotions.

Aurian,

I'm sorry you had to go thru that. Thanks for your story/response.

Mythical_Suicide,

Yes, you might me right. I'm just trying to understand. I've been so depressed before that i have seriously considered suicide...never cutting. I dont know. It confuses me.

I'm interested in your stories and opinions and whatever you want to offer...

I don't cut, but to me it's hardly a mystery.

When people need an emotional outlet, something to release the presssure of depression or other pain, they want to feel some control over themselves.

Some of us may go lift weights or run until we're exhausted or cramped, some might hit the bottle or bong until the pain abates, or we may take risks climbing rocks or driving insanely fast.

Healthy people will focus on serving others, acheiving goals or immersing themselves in creative endeavors.

Some really fine people cut themselves.

People self injure for many reasons; sometimes the pain and anxiety is so unbearable you need some form of release (like binge eating for compulsive eaters or people who suffer from bulimia), sometimes it's because you feel so numb you need to feel -something-, and sometimes it's because a surface cut is the only thing you feel you're able to heal when you can't heal the emotional pain. It can be for reasons other than those it depends on the person.

Just like other issues such as alcoholism, drug addiction and general eating disorders you need to remember that the problem goes deeper than what's apparent - for example, if someone is suffering from an eating disorder you shouldn't assume that's the root of their problem, it's usually much more complex than that - anorexia for example is in many cases a mechanism of regaining some control over their lives, to treat anorexia you should always treat the underlying problem as well.

It's not much different with cutting (it has very very little to do with suicidal thoughts), it's a coping mechanism - sure it's no cure for your problem but some people feel talking isn't an option, there's always the fear of people either not understanding or not wanting to. When my parents found out I self injured a few years ago (I had stopped by then) their 'solution' to the problem was to tell me to get over it, stop feeling sorry for myself (the two worst things you could ever say to someone depressed or suicidal), and that I wasn't worthy of the pain because I had a good life.

Sometimes you feel deeply ashamed, not only because you self injure but also because you're somehow less than perfect, weak in a way. Just ask yourself, why doesn't someone who is bulimic go and talk to someone about their problem rather than throw up after a meal? Why doesn't an alcoholic drop the bottle and go for a run instead? Usually people only come forward to talk when they've reached their limit or someone intervenes, sometimes, they move from one coping mechanism to another or just keep going until it's too late.

I'm not saying cutting is the best coping mechanism, it was a method of release for me when I did it, but it made me feel worse afterward, and like getting over addiction, when things get really rough it's still tempting to cut again, even though it's been over 3 years now since I stopped.

If you want to find out more you should look for information on this site - type in Secret Shame into google, should be the first link you see (sorry, this forum isn't letting me post links for some reason)

It's probably the leading site for information on self injury. If you have a friend dealing with this problem first try to be there and support them, ensure that you won't leave them just because they have a problem (but if you feel you can't offer them support, don't make any promises - on a slightly different note, if someone tells you they're thinking of killing themselves never take it lightly and NEVER promise you won't tell anyone else). Give them the URL to that site, there's a forum for people who self injure as well as families and friends of those who do (Bodies Under Siege Web board). If you really want to find out more that's one of the best place to start.

My two cents anyway

I cut because I wasn't able to cope with my emotions.

When I was able to cope with them healthily, I just stopped.

I'm not going to deny that the pain felt good though. It was a constant presense throughout my day, you can't block it out.

But I was in it for the pain, not the mutilation. I think the two are separate though a lot of people do them together. Also, I cut for the better part of two years. Nobody ever knew, because I didn't let them. It's not a hard thing to keep a secret.

But yeah, it's case of "you'll never know unless you've been there."

I mean, I have no idea why anyone would want to play sports...

In high school, I was a very intelligent student, I was a great artist, and also huge into my sports...including wrestling, field hockey and running. I had tons of ways to express myself or exert myself but....

I also cut now and then. I also was anorexic for several years which is another form of "self hate". It was a way for me to deal with the pain and losses I was feeling, to control myself and those things I could not control. I was definitely loved - had great family and friends, but I felt burdened and did not want to turn to them out of fear of rejection, loss, and humiliation. It was more than just "chanelling those stressors" it was about learning to LOVE myself rather than hate myself, and that is something that all the sports, art, friends, family I had could not do for me then. It was not to get attention, I did not even know what "cutting" WAS then, it was not well known back when I was 13 or 14....and it was not talked about. No one knew and I hid my arms.

I don't do this anymore, but I can understand those whom do. What changed for me was just growth, life experience, perspectives changing, awareness and more confidence in whom I was. It is not something that one can just accomplish overnight.

Cutting can take the pain away that exact instint. You don't have to go through it all by talking or take the time for sport to work. As soon as you cut the pain is eased, though it gets harder and harder to ease the pain and you become more and more addicted. It expresses all your emotions at once, how much you hate yourself, how much of a failure you are right through to how much that ex boyfriend hurt you. Its not a good thing and no one should have to go through it. Its not not about attention for most cutters though i guess theres the longing that you will be helped and someone will care about you. But mostly its just about getting rid of the pain you hide inside. Alot of cutters wouldn't even be known as depressed at school they hide it to stop people finding out.

I recently found out that a good friend of mine started cutting. She has suffered from depression for a while along with insomnia and anxiety. Then if that wasn't enough she became anorexic. Naturally when I found out that she was cutting, I was mortified. This is how she explains it...... She cuts when she can no longer stand the pain of depression. She said that cutting is a distraction from all the other "pains" that she feels. Also since she started purging, she said that she'll cut to try and forget the need to purge. It's a sad thing. She is such a beautiful girl and she is destroying herself little by little. She is in therapy but she still has a long way to go.

Its sad true, but she is lucky to be in therapy and i hope it works for her. Many people purge daily, cut daily and suffer, without anyone noticing. Or worse pushing people away and never seeking the help they need. Its very hard watching people go through it. Especially someone you love.

Cutting is a way of letting out pain.

There IS a very strong link with sexual abuse in childhood. However not all cutters have been abused. The link with abuse creates feelings of worthlessness, feelings of deserving to be punished, and the cutter then continues to abuse themselves to complete the cycle. It makes psychological sense, although like you said it is hard to understand logically.

There is also a predisposition to cut, a personality type, links with high intelligence, etc.

Cutting releases pain. It allows pain to be expressed in a way that DOES work, in the short-term at least.

Repressed memories may be causing havock in the unconscious mind, you may not know why you cut, but when someone has that amount of pain insides of them, it has to come out.

Cutting is a coping mechanism, a maladaptive, potentially dangerous one, but a way of getting though here and now.

It is not attention seeking or manipulative, - most cutters go to extreme lengths to cover up or hide their injuries.

It is hard to understand if you've never been there, but it IS possible to emphasise.

I don't know much about the subject. My gut instinct tells me that many people cut as a physical expression of self-hate.

very, very well put!!

its not just that, but that is a profoundly simplistic way to put a lot of it

of course, its not simple, everyone cuts for different reasons, or variations/mixtures of similar reasons.

I have NO idea why cutting worked for me.. it just did

I once screamed so long and so loud I tore my throat and was coughing up blood... I could be that hysterical, and within a few seconds of cutting (I found ways to cause max pain with min damage) I would feel calm... a dangerous sort of calm, my skin would go cold... but it was better than the boiling, thrashing pain that was inside.

my ex told me if I cut again he would leave, and becuase I wasnt cutting, the pain got so bad I started having blackouts, where I would say all this really manic stuff, then snap out of it and not remember...

cutting helped... I am SURE there were better ways to deal with it, but I didnt want anyone to know how worthless I was.

very, very well put!!

its not just that, but that is a profoundly simplistic way to put a lot of it

of course, its not simple, everyone cuts for different reasons, or variations/mixtures of similar reasons.

Thanks, EG. I was hoping I wasn't completely off the mark, as I didn't want to come off as completely ignorant, lol.

I'll reveal something personal to explain where I came up with this idea, though. I've never been a cutter, but I have surely had images flash in my mind before of slashing my wrists. Those images would come up right after some kind of painful episode where I either felt bad about myself or was made to feel bad about myself by someone else.

So, when I saw this thread, my thought was, "Maybe it's a way people self-punish themselves?"

hmm, this is the best explanation i can offer, sorry if it doesnt really make too much sense.

have you ever been studying or doing paper work and then got a paper cut? afterwards its so much harder to concentrate. Its like that but in the more extremes. I often find that when im really upset, nothing else can stop me from feeling sad, in a way i ease my emotional pain with physical pain.

of course, its different for everyone, there is no one reason as to why people self harm

hmm, this is the best explanation i can offer, sorry if it doesnt really make too much sense.

 

have you ever been studying or doing paper work and then got a paper cut? afterwards its so much harder to concentrate. Its like that but in the more extremes. I often find that when im really upset, nothing else can stop me from feeling sad, in a way i ease my emotional pain with physical pain.

 

of course, its different for everyone, there is no one reason as to why people self harm

Empty_Inside, that actually does make sense...

so basically, cutting...

- distracts you from the emotional pain by using physical pain

- is an expression of self hate

- in a way, releases the pain (coping mechansim)

- is addicting

- helps the cutter gain control over their lives

- not related to suicide(?)

But like you guys said, there's much more to it. Everybody has a different reason. I definitely understand it better now. I've never done it so this is as clear as it gets for me. I don't understand how it isn't related to suicide though...if i think about it carefully, there seems to be a link. Anybody care to explain?

Righteo, thats one hell of a question

How is self-injury related to suicide?

Scientifically, there IS a link.

The link is, that correlationary, out of the people who commit or attempt suicide, most of them have self-injured before they attempted suicide. That is a far greater number that you would find looking at a random sample of the population.

BUt out of self-injurers, a disproportionate number are suicidal. Actually there is a lower incidence rate of suicide attempts among self-injurers than you would find in a random sample.

Because self-injury is a coping mechanism. It is not about suicide. It is about coping with the present, getting through.

So what happens?

Why does something seem to suddenly snap, to change the self-injury into suicide?

Well the answer seems to lie in the stress of self-injury. It is a coping mechanism. When you take away someone's coping mechanism, they have no way to live. And most self-injurers want to stop. And often find they can't alone. Because of its addictive nature. PEople around them may take away their blades. They may impose stress on themselves of a non realistic no cutting regime, starting immediately. Without their coping mechanism, and without having developed another, suicide becomes the answer.

Suicide is linked to self-injury. In the media it appears to be the same thing. Even on this forum index they're linked under the same category.

But for the people who have studied it, or have been there, we know, it is not the same thing. It may come under similar categories for the sake of categorising everything, but it is so different. So far apart.

Self-injury = coping with life

Suicide = checking out of life.

I have been cutting off and on for about 4 years now, although i generally consider myself to have stopped now. For me, cutting was never about self-hate or suicide or attention. I always stayed away from my wrists, since thats a dead give-away to friends and family, and really, I never felt bad about doing it, except for knowing that others didnt want me to. Its hard to express, but I guess for me is a control thing. If i get overwhelmed and I feel like I have no control over whats going on in my life, I can be crying and upset, but the second i started cutting i was calm and happy. Its weird, and I know its 'bad,' so I do my best not to do it, but for me its definitely not about hate, or wanting myself to hurt. Also, it never really hurt me that much, I never focused on the pain. Its comparable to smoking or drinking, a less than perfect way to deal with being stressed or hurt or upset. Everyone has their own reasons, that is mine.

Their good reasons

That sorta sounded wrong, what i meant was that i understand what you mean. I especially liked the smoking analogy. And you didn't mention wanting the pain which is different to many self-injurers, but wanting to be calm and happy

I guess I always kind of wondered if how i felt when i was cutting was different than how others felt... but its not really something you can walk up and ask your friends, you know?

The way i understand it is that often it is to release pain. So they feel the pain, but need it. IT lets out emotions from deep insides. It ma be to do with self-hate, low confidence, past abuse, coping and handling the present, surviving each day one at a time, the pain does seem to be a large part of it sometimes though.

Ok so you've already got that self harm is a coping mechanism, thats why its not a suicide attempt. People deliberately hurt themselves in an attempt to feel better, happier than they were before. the reason theres a strong correlation between people who self harm and those who gone on to kill themselves is because self harm isnt exactly a very good mechanism. it's pretty much just a quick fix and any one who self harms will tell you that they normally feel sh** about the next day. Its also very addictive and tends to get people into a position where they feel completely alone, depressed and thinking that theres something terribly wrong with themself and those who find it extremely difficult to recover sometimes see suicide as the only escape.