How to Respond to "Your Mom" jokes

So I've always been way too shy and timid. Any kind of physical contact with other people, whether it's just a hand shake, a hug, a playful punch, anything makes me feel very very very intimidated.

I don't know if other people have experienced this. When I'm with my friends, I often end up being in the butt end of the joke. I know these guys are just playing around, being "guys," but the problem is that I don't know how to respond to them. One of running gags is the mom's joke. Sometimes, it gets a bit out of hand, and I wish they would stop. Fighting back with another mom joke doesn't seem to work too well. Throwing sugar packs didn't really seem to help. I would use physical threats (as a semi-joke), but then they call my bluff and I can't do anything, mostly because I'm afraid if I punched them too hard they might get hurt.

May be I'm going about this the wrong way. Self-depricating humor seems to be the only thing I got going for me.

Is there anyway that I could... change this?

Also, am I being a tool?

No, you're not being a tool. Try simply ignoring them. Once they see they can't elicit a reaction from you, they'll get bored with their teasing.

Well, it sounds like you may be the "fun" target. They may be jus razzing you in good fun (no harm intended), i don't know. The only thing I could suggest is that you have to think smart. Make one of them the target. Wait until one of them does somthing stupid, or anything that possible to make fun of, and think of a way to get the others to jump on that person. You'll have to initiate the "poking fun" at the person. This advice may sound stupid, but if you don't want to be the "target," then you have to do something. Or just put up with it.

Sorry to double post here. It also depends on your age level too. If you're a teen, and these guys are doing this, it's not likely that they'll stop if you just ignore them. And even if they do stop, I bet it wouldn't be immediately.

(they have too much fun with you as the target, so why change a good thing? I think that's how they'd see it)

Thanks for the responses.

These are really nice guys, and I know they don't mean any harm. I think (I might be wrong) that one of the reasons they do this is to keep me in the conversation. (I tend to not say much when having group conversations.)

Ignoring usually seems to make things worse -- I mean, you don't just sit there when someone rips on your mom, i.e., unless you are me.

The major problem I have with this is when all of us are at a party or a larger social gathering. The other people kind of "catch on" and join in. When things get a bit out of hand, my friends will stick up for me, but it would be nice if I knew how to handle things on my own...

I guess I can try to follow Rachelle's suggestion. I wish I could think on my feet better...

Edit: Rachelle, I didn't see your second response. We are all in grad school, in our... mid 20s.

Sorry but I have to disagree with Rachelle here. If I were you, after they didn't stop with the BS (after you told them to) I would punch them in the face. Yes, they might get hurt, but they certainly won't do it anymore. Another option is to tell them in a sincere manner, one more joke and I'm out. Then when the next joke comes (as it surely will), leave and don't hang with them for a week or so. Then if it continues, repeat, or go back to option 1: the punch to the face.

Just don't hit them on school grounds.

Either ignore them, or repsond with an even better your Mom joke.

Mid 20's? In that case, I'd expect some maturity from them. Does your mind sorta wander off a little when listening to some conversations? If that happens, and you don't pay carefull attention, you only get bits and pieces of what they're talking about. Then, if you are expected to jump in the conversation, you haven't really a clue. That can cause lots of problems. I have a friend like that, and I always stick up for her.

If you aren't a good follower of conversations, then what I'd do is take the lead. I hope you've got some interesting things to talk about. If you are busy leading the conversation, then you don't have to worry so much about listening.

... punch them in the face.

Well, the main problem with this is that I'm a bit too afraid of any form of physical contact. Because of this, I'm not very good at controlling my strength -- I actually tested this once, and it seems like either I hit like a girl or I hit way too hard. I certainly do not want to accidentally give them a bruise or a scar.

But leaving the area or not talking to them sounds like a good idea.

May be I'll try hit-and-run, but then I might get my * * * kicked.

Punching people in the face is really stupid, and can land you in jail. Or you could seriously hurt the person, or you could get seriously hurt. That will make things much worse, and then you may have no friends afterwards.

I would punch them in the face. Yes, they might get hurt, but they certainly won't do it anymore.

Lol, thats the best theory ever

If they dish out some your mumma jokes all the time just go on google or something and find some jokes to get them back.Lets them see how it feels

Well, if you hit one and 'accidentally' hurt him, he would probably think twice about having a joke at your expense again.

If they're teasing in good fun, I'd still say ignore them. They're teasing to get a reaction. Either stop hanging with these guys or tell them to stop. But don't let people walk all over you.

You don't need to resort to their childish behavior either.

I can't believe men my age are still into those "your mama" jokes

Oh the guys in my grade the your mumma jokes are dieing down and now its moved on to

me- "Dont touch that its not clean" Guys-"your not clean" me- Sigh

Hmm, somehow it seems like I made my friends look like super-immature jerks...

Well, okay, we don't exactly go around saying "your mama" joke, but basically it's in the same spirit. Kind of like

Me: Do I owe you any money?

A: No, but I owe (insert my name)'s mom.

Me: It had a very dry taste.

A: Kinda like (insert my name)'s mom.

etc.

Well my Suggestion is that when one of your mates says something like, this has a very dry taste, reply with, you have a dry taste (in a accusing tone)

idiots are my specialty, because I am one of them

to come back to a "your mom" joke just use the joke to make the person who

said it look like an idiot.

I don't have any examples off the top of my head but it works

Personally, I think yo mama jokes are archaic and DTD (done to death). I recommend scaring them away with the Aristocrats joke.

How about starting by asking them what sort of graduate student in their mid 20s uses "your mom" jokes?...

hahaha aristocrats...

your mom jokes are so 5th grade

Try smiling sarcastically and saying 'nice' or 'classy', and then turning to someone else and talking to them. If you're in your twenties, think up a put down. I don't know - "you're very fixated on mothers, bit of an oedipus complex going on there. Don't worry, you grow out of it when you meet real women". Something to show that you're an adult?

DON'T hit them. That's not going to work, and you could get charged with assault. Try to make them feel small and like kids, and you're a mature man of the world - look puzzled/baffled, but good humoured, like they're snotty little brats. And you're the man...

They're his friends. They're not going to charge him with assault! Lol. I was half kidding about the punching though

Thank you for all your responses!

It seems like I've drawn a very bad picture of the situation.

These guys and I are pretty close, close enough to get into little scruffles (esp. while drunk) and have no real hard feelings afterwards.

They joke and say things like that, but they mean no harm. Many of you said they are being immature, but really we are just comfortable with each other.

What I really want to do is to respond in the same playful way while protecting my own integrity. A lot of the suggestions posted here seem to be a bit on the extreme side. Throwing insults or not talking to them at all or cutting off the friendship doesn't seem very appropriate in this category. However, I find many of these suggestions very useful, and I'm trying to adapt these methods as much as possible.

I've heard people say, "My mom is dead." They're never serious, but it does shut up the people who are joking around. At least until they get to the "Really?" "Well, no" part.

I used to have a few guy friends who did the "your mom" joke a lot. ("That food tasted bad." "Your mom tastes bad!") I basically just turned the tables on them.. I started using the "your mom" joke first , whenever a hilarious opportunity presented itself. Then they'd laugh, and then someone else would make another "your mom" joke, and this would keep going for about 5 more times. After enough conversations like this, they finally got tired of the "your mom" joke and stopped using it.

Or, you could try a similar line, "That's what she said." ("This is so hard." "That's what she said!") Maybe it'll catch on, and they'll stop with the "your mom" jokes.

I hope at least some of that helps!

They are saying the jokes to get attention. That’s all they want.

They also know you are an easy target (by how you respond), and so this pattern has built up over time. The way you react and your values, and especially your self confidence level will affect how they react to you. Generally people with higher self-confidence will not be attractive targets as insults and jokes don’t bother them in the slightest, while someone with lower self-confidence will be a fun target as it’s always interesting to see how they react.

They want attention, that’s why they do it, and they get rewarded each time you react, if you pout, if you try to match their jokes, or if you get angry and physical, they get rewarded by getting your attention.

I find it good to act mature that you are above all the jokes. Being mature, and not lowering your self to jump to the jokes. I used to have a group of friends that would joke all the time, call each other names, play tricks on each other (some quite nasty) get physical etc. but I never lowered myself to say anything at the expense of anyone else (I’d joke a lot, but never at anyone else’s expense), and never lowered myself to join in backbiting. People realized my standards, and so never targeted me with any jokes or backbiting.

They know they won’t get the attention they want.

Over the Easter weekend I met a new friend of a friend, he was the type that jokes about everyone, and constantly does things to try to annoy other people and get their attention.

He obviously didn’t know my standards about never joking about other people (and never backbiting others) and so on the bus trip he started throwing little bits of paper at me (this is a classical attention seeking activity). Instead of getting upset I simply turned around and asked him if he would like my attention, jokingly said “sorry, I’ve been very selfish lately with my attention not sharing any with you” I then picked up on his low self confidence (and possible ADD), and figured that’s why he was seeking attention, to try to justify his worth, and that he felt insignificant when he wasn’t receiving any attention, so I started to address his real problem and have a good talk to him trying to boost his self confidence and tell him that he is a worthwhile guy and doesn’t need to validate his worthiness by seeking peoples attention, and that by emphasizing his great personality he will get the recognition he is striving for.

Needless to say by seeing what was really bothering them and addressing that issue it stops the side effect which is these activities aimed at deriving a response.

most people that make jokes at others expenses have self-confidence issues, and try to hide it in a facade of being the top dog dealing out the jokes, and cutting other peoples self confidence down below their level so they don’t have to feel inferior. If you show high self-confidence and that it doesn’t bother you it’ll turn them into feeling like immature little brats while you are the adult.

Maybe through time you can also help your friends through their self confidence issues. Maybe they need some support to be assured that they are worthwhile adults that are valued for who they are as a person and they don’t need these jokes to feel their own value.