Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 13 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 128

Thread: married man attracted to married woman

  1. #1
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    36
    Gender
    Male

    married man attracted to married woman

    I know this is wrong which is a good start for my situation. Anyways,
    there's a lady at work that I've gotten to know and am getting closer to her.
    I'm starting to have feelings for her that I shouldn't...We're both married
    and have 2 children. Everything tells me to get away but we work together and sit in a room facing off to each other all day. We usually go off in the afternoon before I go home to have talks. We talk about everything from family to work stuff. We eat lunch together most of the time. I plan on letting her know she's a great friend so she knows my intentions are nothing more than that and I just appreciate her company in case she's thinking something else.

    But something inside of me is wanting more. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want...HELP !! We both have too much to lose and I l know it's not too late.

    Sincerely,

    Utterly Stupid Guy
    Last edited by flipper0616; 05-27-2007 at 08:53 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member BeStrongBeHappy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    7,339
    Gender
    Female
    Of course you know you're playing with fire here... and the quickest solution to that is to quit *playing* with it....

    in other words, stop lunching with her, except in a group situation. stop seeing her after work. start spending time lunching with other men your work with, or nobody at all, read a book.

    shift your desk so you don't look directly at her. do anything you need to do to create distance, and change jobs if necessary.

    nobody 'accidentally' falls into an affair. it is making lots of small choices to continue the interaction and set up situation where you are alone together and feed the fire.

    so you have to look at this like an addiction or anything else that is bad for you. just stop doing it, today, and reduce the interaction with her to strictly conversations about work. if she starts to get into all the personal or long chats, then excuse yourself and go back to work. after all, that is what work is supposed to be about, working, not socializing with someone and playing with a fire that could destroy your whole life in short order.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    SoCal
    Age
    67
    Posts
    9,159
    Gender
    Male
    There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when you're in committed relationship, but that's not what you're feeling, is it?
    You posted because you find yourself attracted to her emotionally.
    You may already have crossed a few lines in your conversation, haven't you?

    I'd simply tell the lady this is too difficult for you because she's so attractive. She'll likely find this flattering but admirable. If she's attracted to you, she also feels conflict, and you can end that tension with a few words. Take the inititive to prevent this from going too far.

    I sometimes go out with a married woman, and we've established definate boundaries. We enjoy each other's company and talk for hours, and her husband knows we're good friends. My heart lies elsewhere, and she knows it.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    1,970
    Gender
    Female
    There is no one MAKING you do it, there is no little devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear," Go on do it, you know you want to". Truth is you can stop but you don't want to, you're enjoying it.

    The only problem you have now is that your feeling guilty. Think about how bad you will feel if you really do have something to feel guilty about.

    What you do, you also do it to your innocent wife who loves you very much... So stop. Now.


    Food for thought...Not much of a wife if she does that behind her husbands back, is she? Do you really want to be having little "talks" with someone like that?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    36
    Gender
    Male
    Just for clarification...I don't meet with this lady after work...
    I'm not sure if she has the same feelings nor do I want to risk even
    trying to find out. I just want to control myself and get a grip on my
    feelings. Someone said it was an addiction and I think they are right.
    The first step is to admit there is a problem and I have done that.
    Now I just have to go to rehab somehow....

  7. #6
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    1,970
    Gender
    Female
    I never thought you did meet her after work but that is where it is leading if you don't stop now. Take a holiday with your wife (family) or at very least take a few days off and get some perspective. Maybe then what I wrote will not feel like an insult but the truth and common sense.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    21
    Gender
    Male
    Do you have any idea the pain and suffering you are about the cause if you pursue this? You had better take a good long look at your wife and family and think about what you may be about to lose. And if you can find it in yourself, maybe even think about her family and the untold pain you could inflict on them. If there are problems with your relationship with your wife, go to her and ask to work on the issues, do it now before it is too late. I am speaking from experience here.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Cadence308's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,303
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with Dako. Nothing's wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex, but you sound like you are emotionally and sexually attracted to her. Do you think you can set the boundaries with her as Dako suggested and let her know that you find her attractive, but your heart lies elsewhere and you would like to continue a friendship with her? If you can't do this then you should definitely back away from the friendship.

    Also, it's not a good idea to talk about your relationship with your wife. Maybe keep your family life more private. When you start confiding in someone that you are attracted to, the problems of your marriage, etc. you are asking for trouble.

  10. #9
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    36
    Gender
    Male
    I agree with everyone here and especially advice from Dakos and Ballys.
    I talked to her today and asked her about a personal problem I was having that directly framed my wife and family as very important to me and I needed
    her advice as a friend. I told her she's the only one I can talk to about the problem as even my best friend does not know since our wives are very close. The problem, is that the topic hit home with
    something personal she was also going through and the whole talk
    brought us both closer than ever but we both agree that our families
    are #1...Atleast we have this understanding now but in a way it kind of
    backfired on me since we became closer. Thanks for everyone's advice
    as now the course of this is in our hands...

  11. #10
    Bronze Member puppeteer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    los angeles
    Age
    46
    Posts
    124
    Gender
    Male
    dude...this is your problem.

    STOP CONFIDING IN HER....

    you are growing closer because you are sharing things you SHOULD only be sharing with your best friend...aka....YOUR WIFE...and you are not doing that.

    you are making this happen.

    you are allowing yourself to grow closer to her.

    you are a grown man and can stop yourself from any course of action you choose to.

    you clearly are not choosing to.

    coming here to ask for help and then choosing to ignore what people and even yourself realize is somewhat pointless don't you agree?

    seriously...you are about to hurt more than just your wife. you are about to hurt your children, your parents, her parents, her family, your family, her friends, your friends, etc.

    grow up...stop confiding personal things to her...get into counseling...tell your wife what you have been doing...live with her wrath...and face the day anew.

    you are not being honest with your wife.

    and if you continue on this path there is gonna be alot more pain than you clearly are prepared to deal with.

Page 1 of 13 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •