Ex still totally ignores me after 3 years! WHY?

I'll make this quick. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 10 years. We Lived together almost the entire time. Most of the relationship was happy, until the day I found out she had a crush on some dude at work. She claimed he was just a friend. But I later found out it was actually more than a friendship. She lied and cheated. That unfortunate situation ruined our 10 years together. She moved out. The new guy died of Alcohol poisoning 6 weeks after the Ex left me for him. Talk about Karma! But our relationship was still unrepairable at that point. Besides.... she was still in Single mode and wanted to sow her wild oats. So we both moved into our own apartments. Shortly after that she met a new guy who she has been with ever since. Information that I found out from her sister. I've had a couple of different girlfriends as well. So it's clear that we've both moved on.

However this is where I am confused. Once every 4 or 5 months I drop her a friendly email just to say hi and to let her know how things are with me. However each and every time my mail gets totally ignored. I'm sure she reads it, but she refuses to respond! I just found 400 photos of hers that I didn't know I still had. I sent her an email letting her know that and asking what to do with these photos. Guess what? I get totally ignored again and again and again!

Obviously the relationship is over. We both know that. This is no longer about getting back together. That possibility passed a long time ago. Now it's about finding out WHY SHE STILL TOTALLY IGNORES ME! What goes through a womans head for her to reject all contact from an EX three years after the break up? Is this a lifelong grudge? Since she cheated on me shouldn't I be the one holding a grudge? I've taken the higher road and I'm still getting the short end of the stick. WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?

Maybe she has changed e-mail address?

Maybe hearing from you brings back feelings of guilt over how she ended your relationship?

Maybe her new boyfriend requested that she not respond to you?

It could be for a myriad of reasons, she may not be holding a grudge at all. Try not to take it personally, no one knows what's in her head but her...and if she chooses not to share that information there's really nothing you can do.

She might be asking herself the same thing about you, "What is HIS problem". Hate to say it, but I think her silence, is supposed to be a crystal clear message to you. That she is not interested in any sort of friendship with you.

It's been 3 years bro. Could be a number of things, but her silence says enough. I was with a girl for 2 years, she dumped me, 6 months later called and wanted to be "friends" even cried in front me asking for a friendship, I told her I couldn't, it was too hard.

A year later, she called, wanting to "meet up for drinks". She was in another relationship, and had been for over a year at this time. I tried calling her back, to get up a date, and got nothing in return.

Found out a year later, she was married. After not seeing, or speaking for 3-4 years, I sent her a simple "Congratulations on the marriage and baby! Hope all is well!". I got nothing in return, and didn't expect anything in return.

Some things are best left alone, forever.

you seem to have moved on and know its not about getting back together, but maybe she feels like you are still "harbouring" some sort of feelings towards her and thats why she is not responding.

its hard because to be honest, i would love to stay friends with my ex once he gets over the hurt, but I dont think its gonna happen cause slowly we are ending up hating each others guts.

anyway, with me, i have always not wanted nothing to do with my exes once I am over them. it woudl just make me feel uncomfortable. maybe she just feels uncomfortable?

OR she could have changed her e-mail address. have you done a "read receipt" on the ones you have sent? if so, and you know she is reading them. just send her one last one saying "ok i take it you dont wanna stay in touch at any level, was just letting you know about the photos. take care". and forget about it.

Yeah I've done the hard receipt thing. Trust Me.... She has read each and every email I've sent, but refuses to respond. I even told her in the lastest letter that It's fine if she doesn't want to be friends and I understand if she wants nothing to do with me. I've moved on and I'm not looking for ANYTHING from her. I just want to know what to do with all these pictures she forgot?

That email was sent several days ago and I still have not received a damn thing. I just find it sad that after 10 years together, she can't even be mature enough to respond. I have had several exgirlfriends who have never had a problem keeping in touch with me. But for some reason my most serious relationship ever has resulted in an ex-girlfriend who can't even manage to say a friendly hello. It seems incredibly imature to me.

Thanks for all the advice.

I just want to know what to do with all these pictures she forgot?

 

Ask yourself why you are really contacting her? Is it because you are thinking about her, is it because she was the last person whom you loved very dearly? Can you tell me why? One of my ex's use to do this, he said he just wanted to be my friend, however, there were too many lies and too many betrayals for me to ever want anything to do with him. He was a bad boyfriend, a bad fiance' and even a more terrible friend.

Maybe she couldn’t care less about the pictures.

Maybe she DOES NOT want to ever see the pictures as they’ll bring back memories.

Why is it so important to get those pictures back to her anyway? Or maybe you’re using the pictures for some sort of excuse to get in contact with her to get some sort of closure or something else from her.

I know i was once in a similar situation with a fling that went into NC, I started asking her if she wanted to pick up her toothbrush, towel, a pile of DVD’s, and some of her dog food. she obviously didn’t care about those items. I now realize that secretly I had wanted her to pick up her stuff just to get to talk to her, talk over the breakup instead of NC, and get some closure. Well I accepted her choice, and now I have a nice new towel and DVD’s (I threw out the toothbrush and her dog food).

Actually funnily enough I’ve unintentionally collected quite a bit of furniture and stuff from different ex’s, as I came to this country with just about nothing, and they thought I could make good use of it, and didn’t want it back during the breakup and then went into NC. It was not in my intention, but it just somehow happened like that during the break up. if they want NC then that's fine, i won't hastle them to give them my stuff. if they want to meet so i can give them their stuff then that's great.

I know I was the same, my ex fiancée wanted to give me back an engagement ring, at the time I couldn’t accept it back as I was in denial, and now we went into NC, so she’s still got the ring, I don’t know if I ever want it back, maybe later as a memory, but not now. who knows in a few years when we've both moved on and the wounds have healed i wouldent mind having the engagement ring back. In the end material assets aren’t that important, and people often put more weight on the emotional implications of the items, or in breaking NC for one last meeting etc.

Anyway, keep the photos, or burn the photos, but she probably doesn’t want them back.

And you need to ask yourself why are you so eager to get in contact with her to “give them back”

I've made it clear to her that I didn't want her back. But I don't want to feel like lifelong enemies either. I wasn't a horrible boyfriend and she wasn't a horrible girlfriend either. We had a good relationship that turned sour quickly. I want some peace of mind and not have to feel hated. I had not contacted her since last August. But recently I discovered irreplacable photos she left behind and thought I should let her know. Photos of her family. Photos of her brother who has since passed away. Photos of her graduation that her classmates personally signed to her. One of a kind photos that can't be replaced.

If she doesn't want to talk to me then why can't she reply and tell me that. I don't believe in this immature game of ignoring people hoping that they will eventually go away. How about being a mature adult and actually mouthing those words in an adult conversation? That would be nice. She's 34 years old. You would think she could handle this better than a girl who is 12. Obviously not.

There could be all manner of reasons why she does not contact you, perphaps she feels resentment torwards you that things have not worked out the way she planned ( even though you are not to blame), perhaps its guilt over the break-up, perhaps she feels that you may want to get back together even though you have stated you don't.

The fact is that you still send her emails every four/five months, she hasn't responded which to me is a clear sign of not wanting to communicate, that you do still send the emails may give her the impression that you still have feelings towards her.

I understand your frustration that you can spend 10 years of your life with someone and although things have not worked out in the long run, you can't even remain on friendly terms.

I think you have done all you can, she doesn't want to communicate, fine............its her loss.

Time to delete her email and put her in the past.

Well her phone number and email address were all deleted long ago. Whenever I send her something I just go by memory. In any event, you are absolutely correct. There is nothing else I can do. In my last email I sent, I was frustrated that she never responds. So I told her that I'm done wasting my time and I will break my computer before I ever send her another email. I'm sure that didn't help my case, but at this point it really makes no difference. She just turned into a jerk three years ago and she clearly hasn't changed at all since.

You said you talked to her sister in your original post.

Can you give the pics to her instead?

I haven't spoken to her sister in a while. My Ex told her sister to stop talking to me because she felt it was keeping me in her life. Isn't that nice? But I found her myspace account and dropped her a brief note the other night. She hasn't read it yet. So if she responds I'll just go from there.

I definitely don't want to be in My ex-girlfriends life if I'm not welcome. I have a new girlfriend who I'm happy with anyway. But I still absolutely hate being ignored and treated so rudely. After three years I feel that she could have at least spoken to me by now. We were together for 10 years. How can someone act like that never meant anything to them? She doesn't even appear to have a heart anymore. She is intentionaly not responding and is being purposely difficult. She is totally ICE COLD!

I'm certain that she only finds it so easy to ignore me because she has another man in her life. If she suddenly became single tomorrow I bet she would be contacting me within a month to apologize.

Anyway... it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that I have a heart which is why I don't want to throw away her pictures that should mean something to her. Maybe I should just start treating her like garbage and throw the pics in the dumpster. She doesn't give me any respect. Why should I give her any? I've more than given her a chance. Now the ball is in her court.

It's a shame that she doesn't grow up.

Oh Skynet. I feel for you. It must feel like you have wasted 10 years. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would feel like as my break up was 3 years.

Yes it is hurtful that she does not respond. This could be for all different reasons. But unfortunately you cannot control how she responds.

Silence could be a way of saying that she does not want to engage with you any more. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you. This could be because of her involvement with the boyfriend, or perhaps she fears you won't get over her and she has no feelings towards you. It's very sad I know. Heartbreaking in fact.

She probably thinks that you are using the pictures as an excuse to talk to her. Can you maybe mail the photos directly to her?

I think you have to do no contact forever now. If she contacts you she contacts you. If not, then perhaps she wasn't the girl you thought she was.

I just got a note from my ex-girlfriends sister. It sure puts a nice little ending on things. So I wanted to share. I don't feel quite so bad anymore, and now I also know what to so with the pictures.

Thanks again everyone.

John if you didn't throw away the pictures can you please send them to me? I would like to have the pictures of my brother. I don't know why Jenn is the way she is. Trust me I got mad at her when I came up to MA a few weeks ago. Actually alot of my family got mad at her. They were not very happy with her. She is starting to turn into my mother when it comes to guys. Her boyfriend comes before her family and that is pissing everyone off. I know that Jenn doesn't want me to talk to you, but I Don't care anymore what she says.

Woah.

That's a pretty harsh email.

Who knows? Geez... if you told you you had important photos and she hasn't responded over and over, I guess you can throw the stuff away with no conscience. I'd want this stuff back too, especially if one of the members of her family has died.

I know you are only wanting to do the right thing.

I don't know.... I was dating this guy too.. and he just suddenly wouldn't even answer my phone calls. And I was the one who used to drive to see him. What was that all about???

Some people are just inconsiderate.

BTW, if that is your avatar, you are very cute.

my thoughts exactly....why are you emailing her?

I have occasionally emailed her simply because I have a heart. I don't need to be a jerk just because she acted like one. So I saw no harm in saying a friendly hello a few times a year. I did decide to not bother with her anymore after getting no response for such a long period of time. But then I recently found all these pictures of hers that I had no clue I still had. So I tried to do the right thing and get them back to her. However after zero response I emailed her sister. That brief note I received from her sister cleared up a lot of confusion. Apparently my ex is not the same person anymore. Not just to me, but not even to her own family! That sealed the deal. I will never initiate contact with my exgirlfriend ever again. The woman I fell in love with 10 years ago has clearly left the planet.

Well.. that's awful.. but i'm glad you got some closure and are able to send the pics to her sis. At least someone wants the dead brother's pictures!

Hmmm... yeah.. i have no clue why some people just suddenly turn into other people, not even resembling themselves. I've had quite a few people do that to me lately, and i know how much it hurts, and how puzzling it is...

Especially when you've done them no wrong, it just doesn't make any sense does it?

My brother doesn't talk to me hardly either anymore. I don't know why he's like this... it's like i don't even have a brother anymore in a way....

I bet her sister feels the same way. You don't say how many siblings your ex-gf has, but if one brother is gone, that's one less sibling for her sister, who does sound like a decent person, to relate to and have for company.

Who can figure out the human brain??

BREAKUPS SURE SUCK. I am a confused individual after my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I found out because when I came over, she told me that we shouldn't be seeing each other. She also told me that she had been messing around with some guy hours before I came over. In addition, she went out to Six Flags with him and his friends last week. I am wondering if she broke up with me because she likes this guy more OR according to her she claims that the guy has a crush on her. I don't know what to believe. I've been going out with this girl for almost 6 months. I saw her almost everyday because I loved her. I am wondering why she did this and also is it okay to call her? I left a lot of my stuff at her place including clothing and textbooks.

(I am a college student and ex girlfriend is a college student also.)

*EDIT*.... Whoops, sorry I missed the 2nd page of this thread... I see the sister thing has already been addressed, my bad! (Good Luck!!!)

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Hey Skynet,-- You said you had some contact with her sister (and other girlfriends), any chance you can pass the photo collection off to them? Just an idea.

Woman are hard enough to figure out when things are going well in a relationship... it is nearly impossible to understand what they are doing/thinking when things go bad... I know you have unresolved issues, and you don't want to be enemies... but I think you have done enough, time to move-forward.

PEACE!!!

-SecretDarkness

this is eazy

she moved on and you didnt.....

skynet,

I don't know your ex, but from what I'm reading, you want something from her that she doesn't want to give. Your motivation isn't completely innocent. You want some sort of validation, I believe, or at least friendly terms. She doesn't. Just because she isn't responding doesn't make her immature. Maybe she has done other things that make you say that, but I don't think this instance illustrates your point. I would say from how angry and controlling you sound, you appear to have lost perspective. I think you need to let her go. You keep pushing and you aren't respecting teh clear boundary she's setting to be left alone.

skynet,

forget your ex.. her sister sounds nice! I think you both have something in common in that you don't get along with your ex

besides someone who loves you won't go outside the relationship when times get rough.. they might get depressed but they won't cheat

Imagine you walk into a room full of women and you see a beautiful woman. You want to get to know her, you have a positive emotional interest in her. Regardles of the consequences of the approach, relationship, heartbreak... Whatever.

Now why did you not talk to the girl in the corner who idolises you, why did you not notice her, why not talk to her, beginning a relationship with her ??? Are you mad...She likes you, your nuts for not feeling the same !!! Of course your not. You did not notice her because you have no emotional interest in her..... Period, thats it !

So when a relationship ends and the emotional interest is gone so to does the desire to communicate, or bother with the person.

WOMEN are emotional creatures and for an insane reason they listen to their emotons OF THE PRESENT. IS IS HOW THEY FEEL IN THE HERE AND NOW.

So in the here and now she has no emotional interest in you... Period !

Men on the other hand are builders and we build foundations for our familly, build a live togehter, roof over our heads, build memories. And that is why we look at the time together as having meaning and value. It thereforeeee hurts us that women dont look at things the same way, it seems like they flick a switch from loving to not loving. Whereas we cant do that.

Ever noticed how a woman falls instantly in love or leaves a man because "he was not treating me right" In other words, her feelings at that point, regardless of the past.

I challange anywoman, with honesty to dispute this.

Hey Sky, I've never been in a relationship as long as yours but perhaps I can draw a parallel.

My X and I parted ways last summer...she chose the breakup (though I sure made her decision easier...I blew it). She has a BF and I know they are happy. However, to this day she attempts to contact me and remain friends. She'd even like to be friendly acquaintances. I ignore her completely.

I hope one day my silence sends her a message. This is a choice I've made and it will be this way forever. I'd like her to respect it. I don't want anything to do with her from here to eternity. Hard lines...but it's the only way I can move on and look forward.

Perhaps your X has chosen a similar path...I don't know.

But it's not worth the hassle and mental strain, is it?

G